You're the one I love to hate
by deadlybeautiful
Summary: Paul's imprint story. Paul/OC -started before BD-
1. Chapter 1

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**I don't own Twilight**

Prologue

Some say there's a fine line between love and hate.

I never thought in my wildest nightmares I would ever cross that line. That I would hate someone so much that I would fall head-over heals in love. I didn't think it was possible.

It's a ridiculous really. Love. A four letter word that's supposed to sum up the entire being and feeling of a person. Ridiculous.

The thing is I don't believe love exists, romantic love anyway. I never thought someone could go through that kind of emotion. Lust and mutual respect is the only reason for marriage, in my opinion. Maybe that's because I've never seen a successful relationship. Maybe it was because I'd never witnessed true love.

So you can imagine my frustration, my denial when I fall into what can only be described as… love. And with the most unexpected person.

Because I never thought I wouldn't hate Paul Walker.


	2. Chapter 2

**Read and Review, tell me what you think. Enjoy. **

**I don't own Twilight**

* * *

Hate

If there was one thing in this world I was positive about, it was that I hated Paul Walker. Paul was the player of the school who was know for his temper, I had found this out my first day at La Push High just about a year ago. By this fact alone I had decided I didn't like him. I had known my fair share of players at my last school and I didn't want to know another one.

But Paul, for some strange reason, can't take no for an answer. Every single day I get asked on a date by him, and today was no exception.

I slung my backpack off my shoulder and hung it on the hook inside my gray locker. I unzipped the worn and ragged black backpack and grabbed my Calculus book from it. I stuffed the text book on the small shelf above my hook and grabbed my other book out and placed them in the bottom of my locker. If there was one thing I liked, it was order. When my life was in shambles it was something I could always count on. And my life was often in shambles.

"Hey Kara" said an annoyingly familiar voice. I would have recognized that voice anywhere, unfortunately.

That was the first mistake I ever made in La Push, telling Paul my name. Although he probably would have found it out sooner or later.

I felt he didn't deserve a response from me this morning. I was already in a bad mood and he was making it worse.

Paul leaned against my neighbor's locker and gave me a cheeky, annoying smile. A smile he gave me everyday. A smile that made me want to punch him in the jaw.

He's not worth the suspension, I told myself.

"So, Kara, what are you doing this weekend?" he asked casually. It was Friday and I really didn't want to spend my weekend with Paul.

"Avoiding you." I snapped angrily.

I'll be the first to admit that I was a bitch. It was my cold, cynical personality that made most people run for the hills and my angry and opinionated comments that kept them there. But Paul wasn't like most people. In fact he seemed oddly persistent on getting in my pants.

"Oh, Kara, you're wounding my ego." he feigned hurt.

"Good" I snapped picking up my books for my next class.

"How about this, you go on one date with me and I'll never talk to you again. If that's what you want." he said with a small smirk. Oh, that was really tempting. Paul never talk to me again, has God finally answered my prayers? Better question, what did a 'date' with Paul Walker entail. I was certainly not screwing him, that was out of the question. It was a tuff decision. Part of me wanted to get Paul out of my life and the other part didn't want to fuck him for that to happen.

"What would we do on this 'date'?" I asked closing my locker.

"Is that a yes?" he brightened at the possibility, his smile changing for a fraction of a second from cheeky smile to excited grin. But as fast as it appeared it vanished almost as if he didn't want to show me who he really was. Which left me wondering what kind of person Paul was. Had I misjudged him? I doubted it. But for less than a second Paul seemed like a nice guy. A guy I might consider dating. Or it could have been fluke. I idly wondered if there was a bet behind this.

Paul, despite being an asshole to half the school's population, was a pretty gorgeous guy. A guy any normal girl would kill to date. But, then again I'm not normal girl.

"No." I said coldly. Something emotion flashed in his eyes, but he buried it before I could decipher what it was.

"Well, we could go to the beach. Or to a bonfire at the cliffs. Or to Port Angeles for dinner, my treat. Whatever you want." he shrugged. I eyed him suspiciously.

I sighed. "Fine. I'll go on a date with you." He smirked at me. "But, I'm warning you Paul, if you don't follow through with your end of the deal, I'm getting a restraining order." And on that note a turned on my heal and stocked off to class.

"I'll pick you up at eight!" he yelled after me.

What have I just gotten myself into? I thought in horror as I hurried off to Government.

I got to class just before the first bell rang and I slumped to the back of the classroom to claim a decent seat. This was the most boring class I had today. The fact it was eight twenty in the morning paired with the fact Mr. McGregor has a very monotone voice could easily put anyone to sleep. Since this was the only class I didn't have Paige - my best friend- with I had no one to talk to. Unless I wanted to talk to Jared -Paul's best friend- and his girlfriend Kim. Sometime I swear they were attached at the hip, because I never saw one without the other. I often wondered the reason for the attachment.

Mr. McGregor was droning on about Congress and politics, his absolute favorite subjects, when I received a text message from Paige. My phone vibrated once in my pocket silently. I slipped it out smoothly and checked the screen.

**R u going on a date w/ Paul?! **

This was one thing I hated about small towns, there were no secrets. Nobody was paying attention to the teacher's lecture and really, the teacher didn't notice. You could do just about anything in McGregor's class and get away with it.

**Maybe**I answered.

While I waited for Paige to flip out and ask if I was insane I actually took notes. My phone vibrated and I picked it up.

**OMFG! R u sick? **

I took a deep breath before answering.

**No**

I quickly scribbled down the chart Mr. McGregor was drawing on the board. He loved to put crap like this on tests.

**Tell me why! **She texted me.

I rolled my eyes at message. It was so Paige it wasn't even funny.

**In Spanish **I answered quickly.

Knowing Paige would surly bring it up in Spanish anyway I didn't feel like talking about it twice. I shut my phone off and started doodling on the margins of my notes.

When the bell finally rang everyone ran out of the room. I was so excited because Mr. McGregor had been so wrapped up in his lecture that he had forgotten to assign homework that I forgot about what I promised to talk with Paige about next period. I headed to my locker to grab my books.

I turned and walked down the hallway to Spanish.

I took the seat next to Paige right before the bell rang. Mrs. Kent was an awful Spanish teacher. She couldn't speak Spanish to save her life. Paige and I however were fluent in Spanish. Me from years of Spanish at my last school and Paige from her mother. As long as we spoke Spanish we could talk about anything. If Mrs. Kent told us to stop talking we would just tell her we were discussing the assignment, she knew we were lying, but had no way to prove it. If she told the school board she didn't know what we were talking about then she would lose her job.

Paige stood up and put her hand on my forehead to see if I had a fever. Once she was satisfied that I wasn't sick she launched into a conversation.

"_Talk_" she commanded me in Spanish.

"_Ok, this is the deal. If I go on a date with him he promised to never talk to me again_." I said in Spanish.

"_Well, that explained why you said yes, but have you thought this through? This is Paul, he's going to want to have sex with you_." Paige said in Spanish. Paul also had this class with us and, at the mention of his name smiled and winked at me. Paul, like Mrs. Kent obviously can't speak Spanish. I glared at him.

"Oh, believe me, I know. That's why I'm taking pepper spray with me." I said still glaring at Paul. I said this in English for his benefit. He cringed at the words pepper spray.

"_Well, I guess that would work if he starts to get… frisky_." Paige said in Spanish as she waggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. I turned my glare to her and I saw Paul, out of the corner of my eye, look confused. He opened his English-Spanish dictionary out and started flipping pages.

"_Lover boy over there is dying to get in you pants Kara_" Paige said.

"_Well, that's not going to happen." _I replied coldly. Mrs. Kent took out her English-Spanish dictionary and started to look up parts of our conversation. Not that it was easy to catch a word we said, we talked pretty fast.

"_I wouldn't knock it till you've tried it Kara. I've heard he's pretty good in bed." _she said glancing in Paul's direction.

"_Are you suggesting I have sex with him?!" _I asked her in a tone that questioned her sanity.

"_It might not be bad for you. You need to loosen up._" she said defensively.

"_I can't believe you!_" I accused. "_Aren't you supposed to be my best friend?!_"

"_Of course… it's just, well lets face it Kara, you aren't a virgin. And I think getting laid would be good for you_." she said sliding her chair away from me, because she knew I wanted to attack her.

"_I thought we weren't going to discuses that conversation ever again. You weaseled that out of me!" _I scowled at her.

"_I did not!_"she said fake pouting at me. Despite the fact I knew she was faking I couldn't help but soften my facial expression.

"_Paige, you got me drunk off of rum from your father's liquor cabinet_." I said narrowing my eyes at her.

"_It's not my fault you're easily acceptable to the effects of alcohol_." she pouted again. I sighed giving up.

"_In my defense you've had sex before_. _At least I was eighteen_." I huffed crossing my arms across my chest and looking away from her.

"_I don't blame you, he probably spiked your drink. God knows you'll say or do just about anything when your hammered_." she said jotting down something that Mrs. Kent was writing on the board. She had given up on trying to figure out what we were talking about a long time ago. Paul however was still flipping through his dictionary while pretending to be looking up words for the assignment.

"_I __was__ drunk. I don't want to talk about sex anymore. Can we please change the subject?" _I asked softy. It was a touchy subject.

"_Sure_." she said probably thinking about this new piece of information about me. I started doing the assignment, it was extremely easy. Me and Paige had an odd relationship. She was my very best friend, this side of my brother, and knew almost everything about me. Just like I knew everything about her. But there were certain subjects I didn't like to talk about, like the reason I moved to La Push in the first place, and Paige respected that. Which is one reason I dealt with her shit. Paige was the only person I met my first day of school here that I actually liked, because she took my shit and dealt it right back to me. We both were rebels and it seemed fitting that we would get along. We often had arguments but for the most part I enjoyed them. I liked arguing with someone on the same intellectual level as me. But I didn't like talking about my past.

"_So were are you going on your hot date_?" she asked. I shrugged.

"_You should go up on the cliffs to were people park their cars. I'll steal some alcohol from my dad if you want. He'll never notice_." she smirked. I wrote down the last answer for the assignment. Although getting wasted before my date sounded tempting but I would pass. Paige was right, I would say or do just about anything when I was wasted.

"_I thought you were going to drop this_." I said exasperated.

"_I wasn't talking about sex, miss thing_." she snapped her fingers quietly. "_You're the one with the dirty mind."_

"_I've got the dirty mind? Please you're the one with that problem_." I rolled my eyes at her. "_Are you done?" _I asked motioning towards her paper with a quick nod. She smirked at me and I shook my head.

And she thinks I have the dirty mind, I could only imagine what she was thinking. She handed me her paper and I went up and turned them in. Mrs. Kent gave me a jealous look. I gave her a kind, fake smile and sat back down next to Paige.

I took out my head phones and put one bud in my ear an handed the other bud to Paige. She excepted, like usual and we chilled and listened to music. After a few songs she sighed.

"_What_?" I asked.

"_How do you listen to this crap_?" she asked perplexed.

"_Excuse me? This is awesome music, you just don't have any taste_." I said. I loved music as much as I loved order. No matter how many times you listen to a song it never changes. The beat, the rhythm, and the lyrics are always the same.

"_Put on something better. From this century_." she pleaded.

"_I don't know what you have against the eighties_." I shook my head and changed the music. Paige smiled and shook out her hair. Paige had dirty blond hair, dark tan skin, and bright blue eyes. Paige looked like a typical cheerleader, only she wasn't a cheerleader, she was in the marching band with me.

"_Uh, besides the fact I wasn't alive back then_?" she scoffed.

"Whatever" I said not bothering to translate it into Spanish. The bell rang and I gathered by books. Paige handed me the ear bud she had been using and I stuffed it in my pocket turning my mp3 player off with my other hand. I didn't bother going to my locker before third period because it was gym. I hated gym even though I'm good at sports. I walked with Paige to her looker where she dumped her shit in haphazardly. She was a slob, something that always bothered me. I looked away from the chaotic mess that was nearly spilling out of her locker and down the hallway. I couple down there was making out. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Paige as she pulled her Calculus book out from the mess. I cringed at the papers that splayed out everywhere.

"You need a little chaos in your life." Paige said with her trademark smirk after seeing my reaction.

"I have enough as is, thank you." I said as I helped her closer her locker. The bottom still jutted out unable to make contact with the frame. Paige smiled that the top actually locked. I shook my head and started towards the gym, it wouldn't matter if we were late because Mr. Kenly wouldn't notice anyway. But I didn't want to be caught in the hallway by the vice principal.

Gym was boring me and Paige ended up sitting out after we faked injuries. I helped Paige with her Calculus homework. She kept complaining that she would never use it and even I, math geek extraordinaire, couldn't argue. One reason I disliked gym was it was a mixed grade level class. That meant seniors like me and Paige had this class with freshmen and all grades in-between. So we had the unfortunate pleasure of having this class with Collin, Brady, Jacob, and Embry, all friends of Paul. I didn't have anything against them, really, except for their shitty taste in friends. So after Mr. Kenly told everyone to get dressed, with the exception of me Paige, who were already dressed they all walked over to where we were.

"Hey Kara," Collin greeted, I gave a fake smile "Hey Paige." he said with a bit more enthusiasm. Paige beamed up at him, she was the biggest flirt I knew. Guys were practically putty in her hand. They sat all around us as if we did this everyday, like it was the most natural thing in the world. I had to contain my anger.

The bell rang and I hopped off the bleachers and made a beeline for the cafeteria. Paige was quickly followed instep with me.

"Slow down!" she hissed. "You're practically running. You know I don't run." I slowed my pace for her.

"Sorry" I mumbled.

"What are you in such a hurry for anyway? Meeting Paul in the supply closet after lunch for a quickie." she teased.

I glared at her and she just smiled at me.

"Ugh, I'd rather chop my foot off." I said disgusted. "Besides I thought we agreed to drop this."

"Oh, sorry I forgot." she said sounding sincere. I shrugged and got into line. After ordering my chicken, and paying I sat down at our usual table with Paige right behind me. I bit into my chicken patty quickly, I hadn't had any breakfast this mourning and I was practically starving. Paige at her salad slowly.

"How do you eat that?" I asked looking at her rabbit food.

"I could ask you the same question." she sighed. "If I ate like you did then I would be the size of a building."

I smirked "I love having a fast metabolism."

"I'm jealous" she admitted. I sighed, the fact that I couldn't gain weight was one think I really liked about myself.

After lunch I went and got my Calculus book out of my locker While Paige was flirting with Henry, a boy from our grade. I rolled my eyes at her behavior and closed my locker.

I love Calculus, it was my favorite class. I had always been good at math. Paige struggled with numbers, she hated math with a passion. If she didn't study and work on her homework she would probably end up failing this class. I help Paige as best I could and she often came over to my house to study.

"Last class of the day, I can't wait until the weekend!" she said slipping into her chair. I laughed.

Calculus blurred by too quickly, but I wasn't complaining.

I put my crap in my locker and left my book bag on the hook, I didn't have any homework this weekend because I had finished it all in class. Lucky me.

I waited by my locker for Paige, she had insisted on coming over to my house today. I hadn't bothered arguing. While I was leaning against my locker, empty-handed, Paul came over. At first I hadn't noticed him, I was to busy looking down the hallway to where Paige would materialize.

"Hey" he said huskily. My stomach filled with butterflies. That in itself was enough for me to be pissed. Why was I attracted to someone I hate?

"What?" I snapped.

"I was just wondering," he said smoothly, ignoring my angry tone. "what you wanted to do on our date tonight."

"I don't care." I said honestly.

He looked hurt for a fraction of a second. "That's cool. I'll surprise you."

"I'm not easily surprised" I said coolly.

"Well, I always enjoy a challenge." he said before walking off.

"What was that about?" Paige asked as she came to stand next to me. She looked down the hall at Paul's retreating figure.

I shrugged, the easiest answer. I walked out of the school.

"Kara?" Paige said. I knew where this was going, we went through this every Friday. "Do you smell that, Kara?"

"What, your b.o.?" I teased.

"No silly. Freedom." she sniffed the air. "It's the greatest smell in the world." I shook my head lightly but the big grin on my face wouldn't go away.

"God, you're such a dork" I laugh.

"And this is the precise reason you love me!" she said smiling.

"Come on dork, I want to get to my house before it rains." I said heading towards the parking lot. Paige snorted.

"Yeah, cause that is so going to happen." she teases slipping into the passenger seat of my Comet.

The drive to my house was quick. I grabbed my keys and slipped out of the car. I ran up to the house and under the overhang.

It was pouring.

I hastily unlocked the door and walked into the small, cozy living room.

**(A/N: So what did you think? Don't forget to review, cause I love me some reviews!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys I'm back with another chapter! Yeah, I know you're excited. **

**Read and then Review! Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight.**

Date

The small living room was warm and, despite its small size was the largest room of the tiny house. The walls were an off-white and the disarray of pillows and soda cans proved my brother was home. I hurried in leaving the door open for Paige. She walked in and shook out her hair that had managed to get soaked in the short time she had been outside.

I slipped off my shoes and placed them next to the door so that they were straight. I straightened my brother's shoes and Paige handed me hers. I straightened the pillows on the couch and picked up the pop cans. I walked into the kitchen and washed them out before sticking in a garbage can for recyclables. I walked back into the living room to see Paige using the towel we put my the door to dry herself off. I walked down the hallway and to the smallest bedroom and knocked on the door. I put my ear to the door and listened. I could hear quiet snore from the other side.

I shook my head and opened the door shutting it behind me. His room was a disaster. I made a mental note to clean it for him this weekend. I kicked dirty clothes out of my way to his bed. I would have to do laundry tomorrow I decided. I didn't mind doing it for him. I shook him gently and when this failed to wake him up I jumped on him. He said bolt upright and I smiled at him.

"What time is it?" he asked his eyes dropping back half shut.

"Three" I said getting up off of his bed. All his covers were twisted and wrapped around him like he got cold when he was sleeping. I wouldn't be surprised if he did, being -literally-cold all the time ran in the family.

Jason was the tall, unlike me and his feet hung off the end of the bed. His curly black hair fell in his hazel eyes. His cheekbones we sharp and defined, just like mine. Just like grandma's…

Oh" he said rubbing his eyes with his fists. "How was school? Did you get harassed by the guy again?"

"Oh it was fine and yeah I did." I said putting his dirty clothes in a pile so I could clean them tomorrow and because being in his messy room was bothering me.

"I'll beat him up for you." he offered drowsily.

"That's ok." I said doubting his ability to do any damage to Paul. Jason was a big guy but he had nothing on Paul.

"Is Paige here?" he asked. I nodded. Sometimes I wondered about my brother. We were really close, hell we shared a womb for nine months, but I could grasp his fixation with Paige. Or her hopeless infatuation with him.

"I'm cleaning you're room tomorrow." I declared as he grabbed a towel and a pair of pants and boxers from the pile of dirty clothes I had just made.

"Well actually you're cleaning it now, from the looks of things." he said glancing at me as I straightened up his desk, a smug smile on his face.

"Whatever" I dropped his papers back on his desk. He walked out of his room and into the bathroom between our rooms. I stalked out of his room and closed the door quietly behind me. Paige was in the kitchen looking in our fridge.

"You have no food." she complained.

"Correction, we have no food that you'll eat." I said taking out some chips from the pantry.

"Can you hand me the dip?" I asked and she passed it back out.

"I wonder if I can get Jason to make us something healthy." she mused snatching the dip out of my hand and putting it back in the fridge.

"Didn't you just hand that to me?" I asked scowling. She nodded still looking in the fridge.

"If you eat Jason won't cook anything." she said standing up and closing the door to the refrigerator. I sighed and put my chips away.

"I knew you'd come around" she said walking back into the living room. She jumped over the back and landed with a bounce on the tan material. I walked around and sat next to her. She already had her Calculus homework laid out I saw she had done as many problems as she could without my help. I looked at the lesson I hadn't had any problem with and thought of how to explain it to her.

I told her about the first problem she skipped and she tried it while I flipped on the stereo. I turned it to a station that played nothing put hits old and new. Jason came out of the bathroom and walked over to the couch. He leaned over Paige and looked at her work. He pointed to her paper and she erased something.

"Hey Jason could you cook us something to eat?" Paige asked looking up at him a pout on her face.

"I don't see why not." he smiled at her and walked into the kitchen. Jason was a fantastic cook, unlike me. If it isn't microwavable I don't mess with it. Cooking and me just don't mix.

Paige finished her homework before Jason was done cooking. We came in and sat down with him at the kitchen table. It was normal, well until Paige had to spoil it.

"Kara, don't eat so much. What if Paul takes you to dinner?" she said. I choked on my pasta. I knew Jason wouldn't like the idea of me going on a date, he was very over-protective, and I had been avoided telling him until the perfect moment.

"Wait," Jason said "Paul is the guy who harasses you, correct?"

I nodded.

"He's taking you to dinner?" he asked a disapproving frown on his face. Just cause he's three minutes older he treats me like a little kid.

"I don't know where he's taking me" I shrugged.

"You're going on a date with this guy? The guy that, and I quote 'only wants to get into my pants'." he said imitating me perfectly. I nodded.

"Kara, did he threaten you into this? Cause if that's the case we're going to the police station right now." he said angrily.

"He didn't threaten me." I mumbled staring at my pasta.

"You're willingly going on a date with him?" he yelled, his dark skin flushed with anger.

"Define willingly." I said sarcastically.

"Jason" Paige interrupted "If she goes on a date with him he promised to leave her alone."

"Oh," he said "you're taking your pepper spray. If he tries anything, spray him."

"I was already planning on that." I said finally looking up.

"This pasta is delicious." Paige said trying to defuse the situation.

"Thanks" Jason grinned at her. God could they be more obvious.

After dinner Paige dragged me into my room to pick out a 'suitable' outfit for my date. I wanted to wear my favorite jeans and a sweatshirt but she wouldn't let me.

"Why the hell not?" I said glaring at her. "Do I need to remind you that I'm the older, more responsible one?"

"No," she sighed "At least try to look nice. If not for what we discussed in Spanish than at least show him what he's missing."

She had a point, it wouldn't hurt me to look nice. She gave a smile knowing that she had gotten through to me.

"Fine" I huffed.

She rummaged through my closet and finally picked out the most ridiculous outfit. A tight white baby-doll style skirt and a pair of super tight jeans that hugged my legs like a glove.

"I'm nearly falling out of my shirt." I complained adjusting my top again. Paige obviously has the perfect technique because after pulling my shirt and adjusting the straps in the back everything stayed where they should.

"Were these too" she said holding up a pair of metallic kitten heels. They were a dusty silver which complimented the dark wash of my jeans well. I slid them on reluctantly.

"And these" she said with her head over my jewelry box, chunky black necklaces in her hand above her head. I took them from her head and slid them over my head. I lifted up my shiny, straight black hair so the necklaces could fall under it. I stood in front of my mirror and gazed at myself. My make up was simple, just eyeliner and mascara. My outfit was simple but looked very nice. I took off one of the chunkier necklaces and handed it back to Paige who set it my jewelry box. Getting dressed up was unusual. I hadn't gone on a date in a long time. Not since I moved to La Push.

"I'm borrowing these" Paige declared bringing me out of my thoughts. She was holding up a pair of green hoop earrings.

"Ok" I shrugged. I didn't care. I reached into my oversized purse and grabbed my pepper spray. I slid it in my pocket.

"Here take this" she said handing me a small square. It took me a second to realize it was a condom. I didn't take it from her, I wasn't going to need it.

"Where did you get that?!" I exclaimed angrily. I knew she hadn't gotten it out of my room. Was she carrying it around in her purse?

"You're brother's room" she mumbled. Something clicked. Even I, Jason's twin, didn't know where he kept his stash of unmentionable items. And I was the one who cleaned his room.

"How did you know where they were?" I asked. Even I could hear the slightly peeved tone of my voice.

Paige got really nervous, like she had said something that she wasn't supposed to.

"I've slept with Jason." she mumbled under her breath.

"What?" I yelled. She just looked up at me as sad expression on her face. "I can't believe you've slept with my brother!" I yelled louder so Jason would hear us. A glass broke in the kitchen. Great, just great. My best friend was sleeping with my brother. I started to clean my room. Today was just turning out to be fan- freaking- tastic. And it wasn't even over. And it wasn't over, I still had a date with a delusional asshole who was going to be here in fifteen minutes.

"How long has this been going on?" I asked my voice was eerily calm. Paige knew I was angry and took a step away from me as I gathered my dirty laundry hamper and brushed by her headed to Jason's room. My room was spotless and didn't give me a big enough outlet for my anger. I opened his door and started stuffing clothes in the hamper.

"A few months." she said quietly. My jaw dropped open. Months! How could she do this to me? Better question: How could Jason do this to me? And just when things were starting to get back to normal. I dropped the laundry hamper and collapsed on the ground. How could they? They were supposed to be my structure, my stability. They weren't supposed to be fucking behind my back. And why did I have to find out now? Why not 'months' ago after this started? I think I would have taken it better if they wouldn't have kept it from me. I think the secrecy hurt the most.

"Months?" I echoed too hurt to be angry.

"Kara?" Jason asked from behind me. He knew when I was upset I was violently unpredictable. "I think you should stay home tonight. We could talk about this." he said kneeling next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder but I shrugged it off, something I've never done. My brother had always been my rock, my safe house when times got rough. That's why I had moved into this stupid little house in this stupid rainy town. My brother was the only thing in this world I could count on and now I couldn't even do that. I loved my brother and I loved my best friend, platonically of course, but I wanted to be out of this house. I wanted to be away from them and if a date with Paul was the only way to do that, so be it.

As if called by a higher power the doorbell rang. I jumped up and ran to the door I grabbed my black jacket from the closet and after pulling it on, opened the door.

It was Paul of course and I barley looked at him as I stepped out of the house, shut the door behind me, and headed towards his car. His car was crappy. It was faded red in some places and had rust around the tires. It was surprisingly small for someone as big as Paul. I slipped into the car and fastened my seatbelt. It had stopped raining I realized as I looked up at the windshield.

"You look very nice tonight Kara" Paul said slipping n the driver's seat. He sounded sincere.

"Thanks" I mumbled still upset. The pain was still to raw and I was still in too much shock at what had happened for it to fully set in.

"Are you alright?" he asked concerned. More concerned than I ever thought Paul would ever feel for me. After all I had been nothing but a bitch to him. I shrugged.

"You're upset Kara, don't pretend nothings wrong." he sighed angrily. After I said nothing he turned the key in the ignition. The car made an awful sound. I sighed and unfastened my seatbelt, I opened the door and stepped outside. I think Paul thought I was going back inside because he hit his head against the steering wheel. He was thoroughly surprised when I lifted the hood of the car and propped it open. He jumped out of the car and ran to the front where I was already leaned over working on it. He stared at me utterly confused. I finagled with the part that wasn't working.

"Rev the engine" I instructed in a whispered. He jumped back in the car and did what he was told. Her car roared back to life purring beautifully. I shut the hood slightly satisfied. I couldn't cook, but I could sure as hell fix a car. Jason doesn't even know what an oil filter is. I slid back in the car and made sure not to touch anything. I was about to whip my greasy hands on my pants, not attractive I might add, when Paul handed me a rag. I wiped my hands on it and closed my door.

"Sorry about that" he said as I slid my seatbelt on.

"It's ok." I said it and was actually surprised when I meant it. Paul gave me a very big smile. It was a smile had never seen him give anyone, let alone myself. I found myself really liking it. I nearly slapped myself for thinking that. This is Paul, I reminded myself, we hate him.

He pulled onto the road. I didn't focused on where we were going, instead I watched as the trees sped past, dark and haunting in the night. I began to wonder what Paige and Jason were doing right now. I knew Jason would be angry at Paige for letting it slip, he was probably the one who hadn't want to tell me. Paige was probably defending herself saying it was better I knew. I hoped they were fighting. It was childish of me to want them to fight, but I still wished they were. I hoped they never wanted to talk to each other again. I contemplated what I would do. I didn't know if I wanted to speak to either of them. I certainly didn't want to be in the same house as Jason tonight, that was for goddamn sure. But, then again, I didn't want to move out, considering the options for where I would go. I shuddered.

"Are you cold?" Paul asked. I lied and shook my head no. There was an uncomfortable silence. I felt awful because the question Paul had asked could be construed two ways. Paul turned on the radio and the best song came on. I resisted tapping my foot or moving my head to the beat by reminding myself of what Paige and Jason had done.

It probably wasn't the best idea, hurting myself with little reminders of deception. I pretty sure my face showed how upset I was because Paul struck up a conversation. But he started with the worst possible question.

"So why did you move to La Push?" Paul asked. I didn't like this question because I didn't like to think about the answer.

"I don't want to talk about that." I whispered, he heard me.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"How much of my conversation with" I had to force the name out "Paige did you decipher in Spanish?" I asked. Paul caught the forced name a figured out the reason I was upset had to do with her, but he didn't push it.

"Um," he blushed slightly, embarrassed. "So you knew what I was doing?" he asked.

"I'm not stupid Paul" I snapped.

"I never said you were" he said angrily. I waited for him to answer.

"I caught my name, the thing about the pepper spray, frisky, eighteen, and something about the eighties." he mumbled, ashamed. I laughed, he had no idea what we had actually been talking about. "What to elaborate?" he asked.

"Not really" I smirked.

"Well, can't say I didn't try." he shrugged. I felt better talking to Paul. When he wasn't acting like himself- an asshole that is- he was actually nice to talk to. It might have been an act but at that moment I didn't care. I forgot all about my brother and my best friend -in fact all my problems- while I talked to him. For some odd reason, I felt safe with Paul. I think I was starting to lose touch with reality. Maybe that was the way my mind was copping with the sudden betrayal, twisting my world so it made a little more sense. And Paul _did_ make sense, well for the moment at least.

"So Paul, what do you do when you're not bugging me for a date?" I asked smiling at him. I was actually enjoying myself.

"I hang out with my friends. I go out running." he said smiling at me.

"You like to run?" I asked. I thought a guy like him would lift weights, or take steroids.

"I love to run." he said simply. I finally moved my head along with the beat of the song but I resisted singing. Paul didn't need to know how much I sucked at singing to songs I like -any other songs and I'm fine. I really liked the song.

"You like the Stones?" he asked curious.

"Who doesn't?" I asked slightly peeved. Paige doesn't.

"Help me baby, I ain't no stranger" he sang. I couldn't help it.

He stopped singing embarrassed.

"Help me baby, I ain't no stranger" I sang.

"Can't you hear me knocking?" we sang together completely off-key. It was the most fun I had had in a long time, almost as fun as the time Paige got me drunk, and believe me everything is fun when you're drunk.

"So you like eighties music?" he asked.

"Most defiantly." I said smiling.

"Is that what you were arguing about with Paige in Spanish?" he asked. At the name I winced slightly, good thing Paul didn't know about Jason or I might start bawling my eyes out tonight.

"At the end" I mumbled looking away from him.

"Paige not like eighties music?" he asked.

"She says that it sucks. It's one thing we can't agree on. She likes rap." I said. It was only a partial lie I guess there's more than one thing we can't agree on now. I brushed the thought out of my mind. Paul wrinkled his nose.

"What do you do when you're not turning me down?" he asked.

"Listening to music. Fixing up my car, fixing my-" I stopped myself from continuing. Fixing up my brother's car. "house. Cleaning." I shrugged. I could tell he knew I was lying. His hand started to shake on the steering wheel.

"What were you really going to say?" he asked. I made the mistake of looking him in the eye. There was something about those dark, almost onyx eyes that pulled the truth from me. I looked away.

"Fixing my brother's car, he's pretty hopeless when it comes to cars." I said quietly.

"Are you and your brother close?" he asked. I snorted and quickly covered my nose and mouth. I blushed color rushing to the tips of my ears. He hid laugh with a cough almost like he was trying to make me feel better about snorting.

"I'll take that as a yes?" he asked.

"That's a yes." I said looking away. The color had yet to recede from my face.

"Why did you snort?" he asked curiously.

"Me and my brother" Were, I thought "are very close. We're twins."

"Twins?" he asked.

"We look alike but we're fraternal." I said.

"What's the difference between fraternal and identical?" he asked. I sighed, I always get asked this question.

"Identical has one egg, and one sperm" I recited "After the egg is fertilized it splits."

"Fraternal has two sperm and two eggs" I shrugged.

"I shouldn't have asked that. You probably hate that question." he said. I laughed quietly.

"Who's older?" he asked.

"He is" I mumbled. I didn't want to talk about Jason right now. Luckily the song changed.

"Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere." I sang softly under my breath.

"You have a beautiful voice" Paul complimented me. I looked at him like he was insane. People used to make fun of my voice before I came to La Push.

"You do" he said staring at the road. My cell phone vibrated. I flipped it open and saw the message was from Paige. I angrily snapped it back shut and shoved it in my pocket. I sulked. How could she text me when she knows I'm angry with her? She probably had a fight with Jason and wanted to whine to me. That wasn't going to happen. I had wanted them to fight in the first place.

"Aren't you going to read it?" Paul asked bringing me out of my sulk.

"No" I snapped "Besides it's none of your business."

"I'm sorry." he said rubbing one of his hands on the back of his neck. My jaw dropped open. Paul Walker just apologized! This isn't happening, this is just a nightmare. I pinched myself just to be sure, but didn't succeed in walking up, just giving myself a bruise.

"Ow!" I exclaimed looking at my arm.

"What?!" Paul said his head snapping to look at me.

"Look at the road!" I yelled pointing to the windshield. His eyes snapped back immediately, but he kept glancing at me. I rubbed my arm, I could already see blood welling up under the surface.

"God," I said to him "give me a freaking heart attack."

"You had a heart attack?!" he asked worried. I rolled my eyes.

"No" I said annoyed. His hands started shaking on the steering wheel again.

"Why do you do that?" I asked gesturing to his hands with a quick nod.

"I do it cause… I can't help it. When I'm angry I shake." he said quietly. I had to lean closer to hear him. Which was, by far, a big mistake. He looked over at me and I saw an intensity in his eyes that left me… very confused. But that wasn't why this look bothered me. Because when he looked at me, when our eyes met, I felt…naked. Exposed. Whatever you want to call it. It felt like he was looking _through _me. Creepy, I know. Like he looked into my sole and saw all my problems and all my secrets laid bare. I quickly snapped my gaze away and wrapped my arms around myself self conscious. I felt so cold. I started to shiver.

Paul turned on the heat and turned all the vents in my direction. I could feel his eyes on me which wasn't helping.

We spent the rest of the car ride in silence and I continued to watch the trees blur outside the car.

Paul turned into the movie theater parking lot and slid easily into a parking spot.

**(A/N: Please review... or I won't tell you how the rest of the date went!)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wooo! Hey guys! I'm back and better than ever... well, maybe. I've gotten a lot of review that say you guys want to know about Kara's past. You'll know the full story when Paul does, but it might take a few chapters to get to there. so sit back and enjoy the ride. You get a little taste this chapter to hold you over and maybe some spriklings along the way. **

**I've read BD and it was excellent and i know this dosen't follow the plot line but since you guys want me to (and cause i have a lot of this story already planed in my head) I'm keeping it up. **

**Read and don't forget to Review and as always Enjoy!**

**The movie idea (black and white) is dedicated to truehazel. HAve you seen her reviews?! They're almost the size of a werewolve's... nevermind. **

Break

It was freezing in the movie theater and I pulled my jacket around myself closer. To my utter annoyance, I didn't help. I kept my arms across my stomach because Paul's hand had claimed the armrest on my left. His hand was facing up and it looked a little unnatural. I knew he wanted me to take his hand. Well I had resisted shoving his hand off the armrest for forty-five minutes, I guess I could resist a little longer.

I had to give Paul props for unique date. I know the movie theater was a cliché place for a date, but I was a sucker for the classics, just look at my music taste. Paul went old school with a classic great black and white movie. But the only problem was it was a romance, which I guess was kinda the point since we were on a date. But still.

"Are you cold?" he asked. Of course I was cold. The movie theater was pumping ac and it was almost winter. Who wouldn't be cold?

"Yeah" I mumbled watching as the couple on screen had a Hollywood kiss. All the couples in the theater snuggled closer to each other. I fought back my gag reflex. I saw Paul grab his soda out of the corner of my eye. Which reminded me of how much popcorn Paul had consumed. I was glad I had ate before I came. He lifted up the arm rest and I turned to look at him.

I realized what he was doing a moment to late. I shot him a frigid glare but he ignored me and wrapped an arm around my waist and brought me closer to him. I thought he was going to try something, but surprisingly, he didn't. I was going to protest, but I couldn't. He was so warm- so very warm- and I was about to freeze to death.

"You better not try anything." I said coldly. He looked a little hurt by my comment. Paul Walker was the strangest person I had ever met. I looked up at him. He was staring at the movie screen but I don't think he was watching it. His beautiful copper colored face was hard and he looked like he was doing a difficult math problem. His eyes flashed down to mine. The same intensity was there as it had been when we had been in the car. But unlike last time I couldn't pull my gaze from his.

"Kara, why do you hate me?" he asked softly. His voice broke the spell and I snapped my gaze away from his. For some odd reason I had butterflies in my stomach. Damn hormones.

"Because it's so fun" I snapped angrily. I hated how he could make me feel like this. "I'm going to the bathroom." I stood up and walked out of the theater.

The lights were bright in the hallway. I blinked a few times so my eyes could adjust. I walked down the hallway and into the small bathroom. I was surprised it was clean, to be honest. I flipped on the water from the nearest sink. I leaned on the counter like I would lean over a car and drummed my fingers on the cream Formica. It was a bad habit I guess. I hung my head over the sink and sighed. It was warmer in the bathroom than it had been in the theater. I looked up at the mirror which was cracked and worn down. Some spots on it revealed the black paint on the back. I scowled at the girl in the mirror who scowled back at me. He hazel eyes were a cold blue that sent goose bumps flying across my skin. She started back at me with hate filled eyes. Why was she so angry? Why was she so cold?

And that's when everything hit me. Everything I had been bottling up for years decided that tonight was the night for the floodgates to break. Well, I can't say I blame them, I was having a bad night.

First, I was angry.

I punched my reflection as hard as I could. Which after years of kick boxing, was pretty hard.

Once for Paige and my brother. The glass cracked like a spider web but didn't break. The mirror was thick and hard, but with my temper at it's high, I didn't care.

Once for Tara. The sharp edges of the already cracked glass broke through the skin on my knuckles.

Once for my parents. The glass cut though the rest of my skin and down to the bone of my knuckles.

Once for Greg. Tiny pieces of glass in the middle of the spider web crack broke off from the rest and fell to the counter. A searing pain shot up my arm.

And once for grandma. This time my fist made contact with the partially concrete wall behind the mirror. I heard the sickening snap, but I didn't feel it. I withdrew my arm and stared down at the blood, it was warm on my skin.

Then, I was hysterical.

I laughed and sunk my head above the sink with it's still running water. My laughter sounded unusual, almost distant.

Unfortunately this stage didn't last long. It was kinda nice compared to the others.

Then, I was upset.

My laughter turned to sobs. Why did everyone I have ever cared about have to hurt me? Was there some unwritten rule that said I could never be happy? I bet there was.

My knees were starting to give out from beneath me and I fell to the hard tile floor. I tried to clutch the counter but made the mistake of using my right hand. The hand that was probably broken. The counter was slick with water and blood and as my fingers clung to it a bone in my finger broke though the skin. I gasped in pain and immediately released my hold on the counter. I heard the bathroom door open and bang against the wall. I heard the woman scream but I didn't look her way. Because slowly the next stage was consuming me.

Last, I was numb.

The only thing I felt was the pain in my hand.

"Help!" the woman screamed. No, it wasn't a woman, just a girl a little younger than myself. I pitied her finding me like this, I really did. How would she feel to walk into the bathroom and find a lunatic sobbing on the floor. The mirror is broken, one of the sinks is overflowing and her blood is everywhere. I pitied her, I really did, but I pitied me more. I guess you could call me selfish. But even though I did pity myself I couldn't feel it, numb as I was.

"Someone please help!" she screamed again. "Help there's blood and - and -and" she stuttered. At the word blood spectators came. I grabbed the rim of the overflowing sink careful to use my left hand and hoisted myself up. I guess it was pretty obvious I was the one who had had a psychotic attack and punched the mirror. I mean, I did have blood running down my hand and dripping down on the gray tile floor. I walked past the spectators gathered at the entrance of the bathroom, male and female alike, and headed for the lobby.

"Kara!" Paul yelled running after me. I ignored him as I continued to walk down the hallway. But, he caught up with me. I stared ahead with numb indifference.

"Kara, what happened?" he asked calmly. I bet he was slightly traumatized my all this. I mean, how many girls have had mental breakdowns on dates with him? From they way he was acting it almost seem they all did. But numb as I was I didn't answer him. I dug a hundred dollars out of the pocket on the inside on my jacket and tossed it to the girl working the concession stand.

"What's this for?" she asked timidly.

"The damages" I said indifferently.

"Wh-what?" she asked me stammering. I didn't answer her, just opened the door and walked out and into the cold rain. My hand hurt like a son of a bitch.

"Kara?" Paul asked behind me but I ignored him. I stood in the freezing cold rain and shivered. I raised my hand and took in the damage. The knuckles on my right hand were cut to the bone and stung. My hand was broken, the bone nudging at the skin, ready to poke through. After an inspection of my forearm, I was pretty sure my wrist was sprained. Paul must have just noticed the bone trying to escape the skin on my hand.

"I'm taking you to the hospital." he announced. Suddenly I wasn't on my feet. I was cradled in Paul's warm arms, and this snapped me out of my numbness. Now, I was angry.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" I snapped at him.

He smiled down at me and waggled his eyebrows at me. "I'm glad you're talking to me again." I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him a glare that could freeze water. I wiggled and tried to escaped his hold, but his arms were like iron bars. I couldn't escape.

"Oh, come on Kara, you know you like it. Just admit it and you'll save us a lot of trouble." he said cheekily as he walked towards his car.

I laughed icily. "In you're dreams" I was enjoying this on some odd and messed up level and it bothered me. I HATED Paul!

"How did you know?" he teased. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I don't know, ESP?" I said sarcastically. He set me on my feet and opened my door for me. I climbed in, careful not to get blood all over his already shitty car. Paul climbed in his side and rummaged in the back seat for something. He handed me a towel and I took it. I wrapped my arm in it gently only wincing when I bumped my hand.

"Why did you do it?" he asked starting the car.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled.

"You don't seem to want to talk about a lot of things." he observed.

"Caught that, did you?" I smirked.

"Yeah, I'm not as dumb as you think." he said pulling out of the parking space.

"I disagree. If you were smart you would have stopped asking me out sometime last year."

"Well, persistence pays off." he shrugged making a right.

"How so?" I asked.

"Well, you are on a date with me, aren't you?" he asked smiling.

"Actually the only reason I'm on a date with you is so you'll stop talking to me." I corrected him.

"You never know Kara, you might change your mind. I'm not such a bad guy."

"Really? You're not such a bad guy. I didn't know that! That little comment changed my whole perception of you!" I quipped sarcastically.

"Does your hand hurt?" he asked ignoring my sarcasm.

"What do you think dumbass?" I scowled at him. He was really starting to get on my nerves. It probably didn't help that I was in so much pain that I could vomit.

"Well most girls would be crying, I wasn't sure." he snapped, shaking. I smirked, thoroughly amused.

"Well, I'm not like most girls." I leaned my head against the headrest and concentrated on my breathing, it helped take my mind off of my pain. My heart ached inside my chest and I fought down tears, I whished I was still numb. I cradled my hand against my chest relaxed. It was quiet in the car as Paul drove, the radio was turned off and no one bothered making any conversation. It was a few minutes before I broke the silence.

"I hate you because I hate everyone Paul, don't take it personally." I answered his question that I had avoided in the theater. I don't really know why I bothered answering him, I really wasn't thinking straight.

"You can't possibly hate everyone Kara." Paul said turning into the hospital parking lot.

"You'd be surprised." I mumbled to myself when the car was stopped. I opened the car with my left hand and stepped into the down pour and for once I didn't mind the bone chilling rain.

The hospital was warm but uninviting. I had been in my fair share of hospitals and I didn't like them. They haunted me like a bad repetitive dream. The hospital was unmemorable, cream walls and white fake tile floors. Pretty much any hospital anywhere. A nurse caught sight of the blood soaked towel around my right arm and hand. She gasped and steered me towards the emergency room. She waved Paul to follow me and I wasn't happy about that. I shot her annoyed look and she walked faster.

Turns out if you snap at the doctor when he examines your bloody, obviously broken hand you get pain killers. Or maybe it was just so I would shut up but either way I was happy. The drugs made me a little drowsy but not tired enough to fall asleep. They did some x-ray, which I thought were completely unnecessary. I had already made my opinions on the damage very clear. When asked about how this had happened I had lied.

"How did this happen miss?" Dr. Hillman asked.

"I fell down some stairs" I shrugged, they didn't believe me. If they had asked me after the second dose they would have gotten a truthful answer. Turns out I'm as lose and honest on pain killers as I am under the influence of alcohol. And things are just as funny too. I think they gave me the second dose just to knock me out but it turns out, it didn't work. So I sat there, as loopy and high as you can imagine, giggling at everything.

I had two broken fingers, three dislocated knuckles (how I managed this, I'll never know), a sprained wrist, and a broken arm. But the most interesting thing I learned at the hospital was that I couldn't walk while doped up on pain killers. Well, I could but it wasn't pretty and I ended up taking on step and falling on my face. But my drug-induced self thought these little spills were hilarious. One of the nurses helped me walk to one of the stations to take my information. Paul, who had been sitting in the waiting room saw me and rushed to my side. My arm was in a nice blue cast. Two of my fingers were in braces and my knuckles were wrapped in gauze.

A concerned look flashed across his face and I burst into giggles. His jaw dropped open and he turned to the nurse.

"What did you do to her?" he demanded.

"We gave her some pain medication." she explained. I giggled again and Paul looked at me like I was insane.

"We had to," she said quickly "she wasn't cooperating and we had to pop her knuckles back into place, along with realigning her fingers and her arm."

"Wait, you had to pop her knuckles back into place?" he asked.

"They were dislocated when she..." she checked her paperwork and smirked sarcastically "fell down the stairs." Paul turned and looked at me, exasperated. I giggled.

"Sir" the nurse continued "are you two having any…problems?"

"No" Paul said confused for a moment before getting angry, his hands started to shake "You think I did this to her!?"

"We can't rule out that possibility, sir." the nurse said calmly.

"Paul didn't do this to me" I said raising my right hand. I snorted this time. Which I found highly amusing and started to giggle again.

"Another thing you might want to know is that she can't walk very well in this...condition." the nurse whispered.

"What, you mean high?" he said sarcastically. I snickered.

"She didn't have the reaction we anticipated" the nurse said quietly, eyeing me.

"Is she free to go?" Paul asked calming down.

"Yes, she's free to go." the nurse said. Paul scooped me up in his arms and I giggled. This time he found it amusing.

"So Kara, warming up to me, are you?" he asked smiling down at me cheekily as he walked to the entrance.

"Nope" I giggled, popping my p. I smiled up at him and he smiled back.

The drive back home could be described as…eventful. High as I was there was a lot of interesting things to laugh at. The details are kind of blurry. But I do remember making an ass out of myself.

There was a lot of giggling. Paul made many bad jokes to hear me laugh. While in my highly drugged state I thought it was sweet.

Of course when the music was on I couldn't help singing like a retard.

"I'm just a notch in you're bedpost but you're just a line in a song. " I sang, it was very scary. I head-banged to the song, something I only did in private. Jason doesn't even know I do that.

I didn't hurt to think about Jason, or if it did I couldn't feel it. I guess the pain killers did their job well.

"Oh, don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet wishing to me the friction in your jeans. Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?!" I sang. I made a gun with my hand and pretended to shoot myself as I sang along with the rest of the song. Paul smiled at me with that irresistible smile and I couldn't resist smiling back.

He pulled up to my house and ran around to the other side of the car and opened the door for me. I giggled and buried my face against my arm to muffle the sound.

He helped me up and supported my weight as he walked to my door. Jason wasn't home because none of the lights were on. I was glad.

I rummaged through my pockets for my key and Paul held my right arm at the elbow so I didn't fall over.

"Found it!" I sang holding up my key before snickering at my behavior. God this was liking nightmare, but I couldn't stop myself. I didn't stick my key in the lock like I should have. Instead I looked up at Paul from under my lashes. He was looking down at me with that intense gaze, a gaze he probably gave every girl he went out with. That look sent butterflies rumbling through my stomach, I could see how he girls into bed so easily. I wasn't acting rationally so, I leaned forward, not breaking eye contact. A small smile curved his lips, it was almost a smirk.

The smirk made me a little shy and I dropped my gaze to my dusty silver kitten heels. One of them had blood on it.

"Well, I had a nice time, despite everything." I said. I was really in control of what I was doing anymore, my body wasn't listening to my rational side. I don't think my body was aware I had a rational side anymore. My rational side wished I had lied.

"I'm glad you had I nice time Kara. So the question presents itself, would you like me to talk to you again?" he asked hopefully. I looked back up at him.

NO! my rationally side shouted but my lips didn't move.

"Yeah, I would like that." I said instead, smiling shyly at him.

No! I cried in agony, a prisoner inside my own mind. We went on this date to get him to leave us alone! Why? Why would you do this to me?!

Paul's smile was bright white against his russet skin. He had a very square jaw line and the smile lit up his face. He looked like a completely different person, a nice guy, not asshole Paul.

I gave him a big smile, a smile I have used in years, and said "I really like that smile."

You know lying isn't so bad, my rational side groaned. Someone shoot me.

He leaned down and I knew what he was doing, I just wish I could have stopped it.

No! Don't! Turn our head, please! I'm begging you! My rational side screamed uselessly. The butterflies in my stomach wanted this.

His lips were feather soft on mine and I leaned in. I had only been kissed once before but this kiss was different. During my first kiss I had been hammered, which led to some pretty bad blurry memories. This kiss was warmer and hotter, not cold and followed by the heavy scent of alcohol. Paul's lips were soft, nothing like the hard edge Greg's had had. Paul's hand rested on my face and he kept the kiss chaste, nothing like Greg's hand roughly tugging my hair trying to smash our bodies closer….

My good hand rested on his shoulder and I tried to bring him closer. I wanted the kiss to go on forever. My heart speed up.

I hate you, my rational side whispered becoming less forcible. It was easy to tune it out.

Paul pulled away and smiled down at me. I bit my lip lightly. I wanted him.

I smiled ruefully at him and unlocked the door. I stumbled in and flicked on the light. I tripped and was caught by a strong arm around my waist at the last second. I snickered. I kicked off my shoes, not bothering to straighten them or set them near the door.

"Kara I think you should get some sleep." Paul said. I smiled at the thought of him in my room.

"Which room is yours?" he asked leading me so I wouldn't fall over.

"That one." I pointed to the room on the right. He led me over to it and flipped on the light. My room was white, not a single other color in the room.

"Wow" he commented and led me to the bed. I crushed my lips to his and he kissed me for a few seconds before pulling away. I pouted and stretched to kiss him.

"Kara, no." he said sternly, like he was talking to a little kid.

"What?" I asked confused and hurt. Nobody likes being rejected, high or not.

"I'm not taking advantage of you." he said.

"You're not, this is what I want." I said grabbing his arm with my left hand, his skin burned under my fingertips.

"No Kara, not now, not like this." he said. He scooped me up and set me on the bed, kissed my forehead and left the room flicking off the light before he left. I heard the lock turn and the door close and I stared at where he had left.

Paul didn't want me. Paul who had slept with… god knows how many girls didn't want me. I felt like trash, worse than trash even, I felt like dirt. I had sufficiently scared him away in that department. I would bet it was the whole punching the mirror incident. Or maybe it was the high ride home from the hospital. Who knows.

The one time I would probably ever want him that way and he doesn't take the chance. I wondered about it before I fell asleep, the drugs finally taking over.

**(A/N: So Kara screwed up the date and her chances of Paul leaving her alone. He might not have taken advantage of her in bed but he did in other ways. But, come on, can you blame him? I can't, but i am a bit biased. So give me lots of reviews and I'll tell you how Kara reacts to being not-high. How will Jason react to Kara's broken arm..and fingers? Review!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Well i have to say you guys supplied fantastic reviews! So i'm giving you an update! (Insert cheering here)**

**Read and Review and as always Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight**

Angry

I glared at the green numbers on my alarm clock. Last night was hazy, but I still _knew_ what happened. Unfortunately.

At least when I had been drunk with Greg I couldn't remember it well later. I guess you would call it a parting gift. But no, as high as I had been last night I still remembered.

Sometimes life _really_ sucked.

My heart hurt worse than my hand did and that was saying something. It was two in the afternoon. The medication had let me sleep all day but I think I had gotten in late anyway.

Now comes the best question. How do I avoid Jason? I honestly didn't want to talk to Jay. He was logical when he wanted to be and I didn't want him to sway my anger. Manipulative ass. I wanted to be angry with him, maybe for a few month. I hadn't decided.

I stretched and sat up. I slid out of bed and grabbed a change of clothes. Comfy jeans and a t-shirt.

I took a shower- with my arm out of the shower, I might add- and got dressed. I walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, more habit than anything else. I can't cook but making coffee is within my range of abilities. I cranked on my music not really caring if Jay was still asleep or not. He could develop insomnia for all I cared right now.

"Me and you," I sang lowly unable to stop my feet as they moved. My hips twisted and moved to the beat and my arms rose above my head.

"Oh, my God Kara!" Jason shirked from the archway into the kitchen. I ignored him and grabbed some cereal out of the pantry.

"Did he hurt you!?" Jay demanded. I continued to ignore him.

"Kara answer me!" he yelled this time. And he thinks _I _have the temper. I rolled my eyes.

"Why should I?" I asked him coldly. Cold Kara was back in full force now that I was in my rational mind. I didn't want to think of how I was going to get rid of Paul. At least not until I had my coffee.

I grabbed a mug and poured a cup. I sipped it. I like my coffee black.

"I deserve that" he hung his head.

"No, Jay you don't." I said and he looked up hopeful. "You deserve much worse." I finished. His pain helped me slightly as he took the blow.

"You're right." he said nodding. I walked past him and sat down in the living room. I curled up and sipped my coffee. The bitter taste was comforting.

Jason sat on the couch and put his head in his hands. I eyed him coldly and my heart ached. How could he? My Jason. My Blue Jay.

I could see how Paige had done this. It was Paige. But I couldn't see how he thought this was a good idea. I could report them to the police. Paige was seventeen last month. I wouldn't though, I might be cold but I wasn't completely heartless.

"How was your date?" he asked in a hushed tone. I heard the edge in his voice. No one else would have been able to detect it, just me. I swallowed a big sip and it burned all the way down my throat. My throat hurt less than my heart. Even when I was so angry at him he was still over-protective. He still thought Paul hurt me.

"Like you care" I hissed. I fought back tears, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Of seeing how much he had hurt me.

"I do Kara, you _know _that." he said.

"Do I?" I asked harshly. I wanted to hurt him, just as much as he hurt me.

"Yes! You do!" he said sternly.

"Don't talk to me like you're the more responsible one Jason. I haven't been sleeping around behind your back with a seventeen year old." I snapped. I drained my cup and set it on the table by the light brown chair I sat in.

"I'm sorry Kara." he looked at me for the first time since he sat down. His eyes were watering. They were a dark brown. He was sad.

"Sorry isn't good enough." I said icily. I knew he knew I was upset. My eyes tended to change color with my emotions, like his did. I could bet they were ice blue right now. I got up and headed back into the kitchen. Grabbed the cereal box from where I had left it on the counter next to the coffeemaker. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and grabbed a spoon. I poured some milk over it and sat down at the small table in the kitchen and ate. I got three fourths of the way through my bowl before I was interrupted.

Jay followed of course. He didn't like fighting with me, just like I didn't like fighting with him. But this was his fault.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded harshly.

He slumped into the chair across from mine and ran his hand through his hair.

"If you tell me what happened to your hand and arm." he stared me down. I met his heated gaze with a fire all my own.

"I was angry." I said simply. He wasn't going to get details.

He sighed. "I was afraid." He rubbed his eyes with his fists.

"Why did you do it?" I asked. I strained to keep my voice level. He dropped his fists and looked at me pleadingly.

"I love her Kara." he said. If I had any inkling of pity for my brothers grief or remorse it was gone now. Love? Oh, right. Why didn't I think of that? Oh, that's right, cause love doesn't exist. Or at least the love he was referring too.

I threw the contents of my bowl on him and slammed it to the hard tile floor of the kitchen. It shattered on impact, what the mirror should have done last night. Remembering what happened last night sent a wave of emotion across me. I couldn't breath very well.

"Will you ever forgive me?" Jay asked from his chair. He looked at me with those sad brown eyes his hair covered in milk and cheerios. I wanted to forgive him but I couldn't, it still hurt to much.

"I love you Jay, but I don't know." I said walking back into the living room. I made my way to the door on the opposite side of the room.

"I love you too, Kara." he said quietly.

"You obviously don't know what 'love' is Jason. I wouldn't use the term so willingly, if I were you." I snapped. I turned off the music and stormed into the garage. I slammed the door behind me and slid down the wall. I let the tears spill down my cheeks. Love. That was his justification? Pathetic. How could Jay believe love exists aver all we've been through? After mom and dad? No. He couldn't.

But somehow he did. How? I don't think I'd ever know. I let the angry upset tears stream down my cheeks for several minutes, I didn't want to get up. I wanted to indulge the pain and cry but I knew that it wouldn't do me any good. Except that it made me feel batter.

I slammed the garage door opener with the side of my fist. The machine creaked and slowly opened. I grabbed a hair tie off of my work station and tied my hair up in a ponytail. I lifted up the hood of my current project. It was a piece of crap but it wouldn't cost much to fix up. After it was all done and had a new paint job it would sell for a decent price. I wiped my tears away with my left hand and leaned over the car, careful to not put to much pressure on my right hand.

I was just about to start working when I hear a car pull up in front of my house. It was a faded red car with rust around the wheels that looked too familiar for me to guess that more than one person would own a car like that. I glared defiantly at the car before I gathered enough common sense to hide.

I hid in the awkward alcove beside the door and the back wall where it recedes back a few feet, completely invisible to anyone out front. The only problem with this fantastic little spot was the spider webs. They were this at the ceiling and less dense the father down you went, so I crawled up in a ball on the floor and pretended I was somewhere else. Easier than it sounds. I heard a car door open and close and… nothing.

"Kara?" Paul asked from the opening. Why had I opened that door again? Fresh air? For whatever reason it seemed stupid now. I hid in my alcove and pretended that I wasn't about to sneeze.

No one said anything and I almost checked to see if he had left but refused. Wouldn't that just be peach? Blow my cover at the last second. I wasn't going to allow it to happen. My irrationally side, the side that had kissed him last night, wanted to see him. Well, I was in control now and that wasn't going to happen if I could help it. I heard a knock on the front door.

Shit! Paul couldn't talk to Jason, they couldn't know each other. I sucked up my pride and did something I never thought I would do, I went back into the house and opened the front door. He was leaning against the doorframe and smiling down at me. It was the smile that I had said I like, not the cheeky smile I was excepting. It threw me off. I stepped out and closed the door behind me. I crossed my arms behind my chest and glared at him. I had had plenty of practice since I woke up.

"What's the matter Kara?" he asked. "Not happy to see me. You said you wanted me to talk to you again. I'm just checking in to see if you're alright." He was arrogant and he was cocky.

"I was high Paul, things I did or said last night don't count." I snapped.

"Really?" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah, really." I answered coldly.

"I was kinda under the impression that you liked our date." he smirked a little smug.

"I'll repeat myself _once_. I was high and if I recall correctly you said the same thing to the nurse at the hospital." I snapped. His eyes hardened at the mention of the nurse.

"Oh I'm sorry" I said overly sarcastic, I pouted "Did I hit poor Paul's nerves?" My face hardened. "Like I care" I narrowed my eyes.

"Why are you being so difficult?" he asked leaning forward.

"I guess I'm just a difficult person. A few people tend to tell me that." I snapped but inside I felt like crying.

"You're a great actress, did you know that?" he asked me.

"Actually, I didn't" I lied easily.

"Liar" he called me out. I wondered how he knew. Jay couldn't even call me out sometimes.

"How did you know?" I put on a mock cheerfulness.

"Because you're upset. You're eyes are blue." he commented one of his hands reaching up to stroke the side of my face. His comment shocked me. I didn't know Paul but somehow he knew me. Paige couldn't decipher my emotion from my eye color. Even my mother couldn't. I dropped my mocking façade and glared at him before knocking his hand away from my face with my bulky cast. My arm shifted in my cast and I clenched my teeth to keep from gasping in pain.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped. I could feel the ghost of his warmth on my cheek and I craved more.

"Kara" he said softly his eyes turning sad. My heart ached at the sight and I fought down the stupid erg to comfort him.

"What do you want Paul?" I asked harshly.

"I wanted to see if you were alright-" he said before I cut him off.

"I'm just freaking peachy." I opened the door walked inside and slammed the door in his face before he could say anything else. Breathing was slightly harder, almost like something was constricting my chest. I shook the thought from my head and turned on the music again to drown out the knocking at the front door.

I listened to the angry music before walking to the garage and closing the door. The loud machine groaned in protest and I shut the door that lead into the living room before it had shut all the way.

I guess I wouldn't be working on my car today.

I started to clean. An instant stress reliever.

Jason's room was first. I got rid of all the dirty laundry, transporting it to the washing machine. I dusted, vacuumed and straightened up. I took awhile, but soon Jay's room was spotless, just like mine.

The bathroom was next. The smell of bleach was strong in all the cleaners, but I didn't mind.

I straightened the bed in my room. I adjusted all the pillows and took all the cups and cans out of the living room. I swept the kitchen floor three times. I ignored Jason sitting at the table. He didn't seemed to have moved much. He had taken a shower though, at some point. There were no traces of milk or cheerios in his hair. When I was sure the kitchen was clean I grabbed some pizza rolls out of the freezer.

"I can cook you something" Jay offered. I shot him a venomous glare. "Or not." He stared holes into the table.

"You're not going to move out, are you Kara?" he asked slightly panicked.

"I don't know" I shrugged.

"I don't want you to move out." he said quietly. My brother wasn't afraid of much but he sounded scared. Was he that afraid of me? I doubted it.

"I don't want to move out either, but it might be necessary." I said tossing a few rolls on a paper plate. Jason breathed a sigh or relief. I ignored him. It was starting to get a little dark outside. I yawned involuntary, I shouldn't be this tired already.

I ate my dinner quickly and threw my paper plate away. I went outside and it was cool, not cold. I didn't bother getting a jacket. I headed around to the side of the house where an old lattice still hung to the siding. It was in decent shape and I trusted it not to break. I grabbed a hand hold an stepped up. I didn't bother using my right hand. I climbed up to the roof and sat down. It wasn't raining and it was actually _nice_ out. This was probably the last decent night until spring.

I leaned back against the rough gray roof and looked up at the only partially cloudy sky. I could actually see the stars.

That was one of the things I like about La Push, on semi clear night, you could see the stars so clearly. Beautiful pinpoints of light against the flat black sky. Before I came to La Push the city lights wouldn't let you see the stars. That's something I hated about the place I used to call home. I loved the stars.

I stared at the sky and a small smile crossed my features, but the moment was bittersweet. It started to sprinkle lightly, almost a fine mist.

I sighed.

I climbed down the lattice, it was harder than going up. I hopped down from a few feet up and landed on my feet. I swayed on my feet and shook my head. Stupid vertigo.

I walked back inside. Jason was getting ready for work and I ignored him.

"See you tomorrow Kara." he said before heading out to his car. I cringed as the door closed. The sick and twisted thing was that I wanted to forgive him, but it wasn't that easy.

I slept uneasily that night, tossing and turning in my sleep. I hit my arm twice waking me up gasping in pain. The second time it happen I heard a howl in the woods, but it could have been lack of sleep. Yeah, lack of sleep. I fell back asleep and dreamed of a big silver wolf. A big, beautiful silver wolf.

(A/N: Dun dun duh. How will Kara react to Paige? Will punches be thrown? How will Kara react to Paul?? Don't you guys know you'll have to review to find out?)


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm back!! I know it's been a little while but I started school again. It's tedious and mind numbing. Updates will be longer apart since I don't have all day everyday to write. The truth is comming soon, in about three to four chapters so hold on tight. I have a lot of things I want to happen between then. And it's very important to the story. **

**Read and Review and as alway Enjoy!!**

**I don't own Twilight.**

Awake

Sunday was lazy as all Sunday's are and I awoke on Monday to the sound of my alarm.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

The sound was loud and annoying. I growled and slapped the snooze button silencing the noise.

Pulling the covers over my head I imagined not going to school today. Unfortunately that would mean avoiding Jay all day. And, to be honest, I'd rather take on Paige.

I reluctantly got out of bed, cursing Mondays. I turned my alarm off and stormed into the bathroom after grabbing an outfit out of my closet. Jeans and a white long sleeve shirt with a short black t-shirt to go over it.

The hot water helped warm up my skin, somehow I was always cold. I dressed quickly and slumped into the kitchen, not yet fully awake. The coffee pot was already full, set on a timer. I poured myself a cup and quickly downed it.

I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house, barley stopping to slip on my tennis shoes and grab my purse. Sprinting through the rain to my car I got slightly soaked. When in my car I took a second to relax before I turned the key. I slipped a CD into the player and smiled as music filled the car.

"Take on me" I sang softly finally pulling through the last of the drowsiness. "Take me on."

The drive to school was short and I slowly eased into a parking spot. I sat in my car and waited until I could go in the school and avoid people right before class. Namely Paige and Paul.

The song changed and I mumbled along with the words as I watched cars pull in around me. People stared as I sat in my car and I flipped them off with a mocking cheerful smile.

"I ran so far away." I mumbled. Wouldn't it be fantastic to run again? To just get away from everything?

When enough cars were in the parking lot I opened my door and got out. I slipped in my ear buds and turned on my mp3 player. It was worth a shot to see if people wouldn't try to talk to me if I couldn't hear them.

I jogged up the gray steps, squeezed past the cliques, and made my way to my locker. When I finally reached it I did a quick glance around to see if anyone I was avoiding was near. They weren't. I spun in my combination, 28-9-36. One of my ear buds fell out. I went to put it back in when I realized it hadn't fell out, it had been taken out.

I whipped my head around to see a very cocky someone. I glared at him. My heart sped up.

"Hey Kara" he smiled at me with a cocky grin.

"Go away" I said bluntly.

"You don't mean that." he grabbed the top of my locker and leaned on it. His face was coming in dangerous proximity of mine.

"Oh, but I do." I snapped. God forbid he stop talking to me. I wondered how long it would take to get a restraining order, I could do it today after school.

"I don't believe you." he said grinning again.

I ground my teeth together. Why was he being so difficult!?

"Leave. Me. Alone." I said through clenched teeth.

"No" he said.

"Why can't you take a hint!?" I asked him infuriated.

"Because I really like you Kara." his eyes burned.

"You can't" I hissed. "I'm not a likable person."

"Oh, but I can Kara."

I grabbed my book out of locker. Why me? Why couldn't he bug someone else? I slammed my locker closed scaring Nicole, head cheerleader, who was talking to one of her minions about something. Something pointless and trivial.

"Watch it Kara!" she said snidely. I rolled my eyes. Nicole caught sight of Paul leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Hi Paul" she said smiling coyly at him. I made a gagging sound, she was pathetic.

"What's the matter Kara, jealous?" she asked smirking. She high fived her minion.

"Nauseous is more like it." I snapped before turning to walk to class. I warm hand grabbed my right elbow stopping me from going any father.

"Kara, wait!" Paul said. I yanked my arm free and continued off to class.

"Oh my god, she's so weird. Who would turn down Paul Walker?" Nicole whispered to her friend but loud enough so that everyone heard her. My reaction was irrational, I'd been insulted many times and usually I just brushed it off. But there was something about the way she said his name. Possessive with a hint of longing that flipped a switch somewhere in my mind and I just… snapped. It took every once of control I had not to beat her ass to a pulp. Oh, but I wanted to.

"Just cause he won't give you the time of day." I said looking over my shoulder and giving her a smug smirk. She glared at me.

"Whatever Kara, nobody cares about you." she said with her nose in the air.

"That's where you're wrong Nikki." Paige said from down the hallway, making her way to our little dispute. "Now go along and fuck you're boyfriend." She waved her hand dismissively at Nicole. "Go on" she urged with a harsh glare. Nicole ignored her.

"Shut up Nikki." Paul snapped at her.

"What?" she asked staring at him flabbergasted. Her bottom lip trembled slightly, as if she was on the verge of tears. I kinda hoped she would cry. It might make me feel better.

"Shut up" he said slowly, like he was talking to a small child.

"Humph" Nicole pouted before marching back down the hallway with her nose in the air. Stuck up slut.

"Listen Kara, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, I really did but-" Paige started to say when Nicole was out of sight.

"I don't care what you 'wanted' to do Paige." I hissed at her interrupting her before she could say 'Jason wouldn't let me'. I took of down the hallway and headed for class. The first bell rang. Paige followed me.

"Kara I really think we should talk about this." she said quickly.

"Well I don't" I snapped at her.

"Jason told me what happened." she said.

"Of course he did." I snapped. Why wouldn't he, he 'loves' her. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

"Why are you so angry about this?" she asked. It made sense for her not to know this, she didn't know me like Jay did. She didn't know why it would hurt me so much.

"Because I trusted you." I said softy. I walked into the classroom and headed to my table. Paige sat next to me and I glared at her. I turned off my mp3 player and stuffed it in my pocket.

"I'm sorry Kara." she whispered.

"No you're not. You'd do it again in a heartbeat. You're inlove." I said, sarcasm only leaking in at the end.

"We are Kara. Why can't you except that?" she said. The bell rang.

"Because I can't." I snapped.

"Quiet down class." Mrs. Rodgers said as she walked to her podium.

Everyone snapped to attention.

"Kara" Paige whispered. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Today you will be working in partners!" she smiled. "You'll be graded on how well you work together and the flow of your stories."

I mentally groaned.

"You have all period to write a story about anything. It has to be at least three pages long. Use you're imagination, get into the mind frame of you're characters. Make them real." she urged using hand gestures to get her point across. "Get to work."

And on that note she returned to her desk and put on her reading glasses before grading papers. I sighed.

"Kara?" Paige asked quietly.

"What?" I snapped at her.

"Will you be my partner?" she asked with a small hopeful smile. I glanced around the room to see everyone else had paired up. I scowled, and took a deep breath.

"Fine" I said giving up.

Half an hour later we were finished. It was a simple story with a simple plot. Paige had decided the plot and I had decided the personality of the main characters. It turned out that it was a 'love' story, boy meets girl, and they fall in love at first sight. I hated it. The characters were very interesting. The boy was unusually paranoid. The girl was insane. Enough said.

We turned it in and we still had twenty minutes left of class. Other people were arguing about things. This was the reason I had decided to give Paige free reign on plot. It made things go faster if I didn't argue.

"Kara, I really wish you would be supportive of me and Jason. It's really killing him." she whispered. I ignored her pouting face and put my ear buds back in. I turned on my music and laid my head down on the table, my forehead in the crease of my right elbow, strategically avoiding my cast.

"Kara" I heard her above my music, so I turned up the volume. After a minute a piece of paper nudged my left arm. I glared at it and pushed it back at her without opening. There was nothing she could say to me that would make me forgive her today. Nothing.

She shoved it back. I shoved it back. We continued in this childish game for a minute before I got fed up and ripped the paper into shreds. Hard to do with two braces on my dominate hand. I threw the pieces in the garbage can behind me before returning to my comfortable position.

The bell rang and I barley heard it over my music. I quickly turned it off and gathered my books. I rushed out of the room before Paige could talk to me. It didn't help that I still had my next class with her.

I lost her in the crowded hallway by slipping into the bathroom. The bathrooms at La Push High weren't anything to rave about. They we're mostly clean but very out of date. The big bricks that made up the entire structure of the building we're painted a soft pink.

Once I was sure that she had pass me and gone to class I headed that way myself. Hopefully I would get there right before the bell and would be able to pick a seat away from her. I rushed to class and stepped through the door. I glanced at the room a surveyed the empty seats and my face fell into a scowl. There were three empty seats, one next to Paige, one next to Nicole, and one next to Paul. How lucky am I?

Sitting next to Nicole was out, since I hated that slut. Which left me with two options I didn't like. It was like choosing how you want to die. Paige or Paul? Poison or electrocution? I sighed and chose.

I plopped my books down on the desk with a scowl on my features.

"Hey Kara" Paul said with a cheeky grin.

"Don't talk to me." I said without looking at him. I hadn't wanted to hear Paige's apologies all class period, and I was hopping she took this as a sign. I would rather sit next to Paul than her. I glared over at her and she frowned.

"Kara" Paul whispered. I doubted he was going to shut up and leave me alone. Now I wish I would have sat next to Nicole, at least I could have called her names all period. I grabbed my books, about to move to sit next to the tramp when the bell rang. I let go of my books and groaned quietly. I slumped back in my seat and wondered why everything was conspiring against me.

The teacher was shuffling through papers on his desk completely oblivious to the fact that the bell had rung. He was hard of hearing. I wished he would start class already, maybe that would shut Paul up.

If the teacher wouldn't save me I would save myself. I grabbed my reading book, opened it to a random page, and pretended to read.

"Kara, I know you're not reading. The book is upside down." Paul muttered smugly. I glanced down a the page numbers to find they weren't there but upside down at the top of the page. He was right. I blushed and turned the book over pretending not to have heard him. He chuckled, the sound was deep and husky. Oddly comforting, my less-sensible side added.

I squinted at the letters but couldn't seem to focus on them. There was something nagging at the back of my mind. It was telling me to turn my head and look at him. I gripped the book harder. He was less than two feet away from me and the compulsion was maddening, but I wasn't going to give in. My skin crawled.

It not like there was anything to see anyway. Just asshole Paul. There was no reason to look at him.

But I did. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, just to get rid of the nagging feeling. He was looking at me. His eyes lit up when he saw me looking and a small smile started to form on his face. I looked away back to the pointless words of my book. I had goose bumps on my arms. I set my book down and started to rub my cast-less arm hoping the friction would help. It didn't. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Paul's hand shake slightly on the corner of his desk.

I glanced over at him again, curious as to why he was angry. He saw I was looking at him and his hand instantly stopped shaking. Odd.

There's something about the way that he looks at me that is… unnerving. It send sends a shiver down my spine. I look away quickly but I can still feel his eyes on me. How can he put butterflies in my stomach?

It was stupid and I hated the reaction. I slumped my head down on my left arm and waited for class to begin.

The teacher noticed the time halfway through class. Instead of even trying to teach us he gave us a free period. Any other day and this might have pleased me. But not today.

"So, Kara. Are you doing anything on Wednesday?"

I stared at the white marker board on the front wall.

"I'll take that as a no." Paul said smoothly. Where did he get his confidence? I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. My heart fluttered in my chest as I caught his sly smile. Good thing he couldn't hear my heart. He smirked.

"I was wondering if you would join me at a bonfire?" he asked casually. I sighed and clenched my teeth together.

"No" I hissed.

"Why not?" Paul asked propping his elbow on the desk and holding his head in his hand, his eyes were focused on me.

"I don't have to give you a reason Paul." I snapped.

"That's only because you can't come up with one." he smirked again.

"You're an arrogant, chauvinistic prick. There, that's threes reasons. Want more?" I bit the last part out sarcastically.

"Yeah." he said smiling at me.

"You're a creep who can't keep it in his pants." I snapped.

"I didn't take advantage of you, Kara. I think that proves that I can keep it in my pants. Even under extreme temptation." his eyes were hypnotizing. I made a mental note to avoid looking directly into them.

"But you are a creep, and most girls at this school have witness your… lack of control." I glared at him.

"Any more reasons?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, but I don't have time to list them all." I laughed coldly.

"Try a few more, we have time before class is over." he shrugged glancing at the clock.

"You're a selfish asshole." I said.

"I'm not that selfish. I care about people other than myself." he mused.

"Name one."

"You." he said with a breathtaking smile. I narrowed my eyes.

"You're delusional." I said coldly turning away from him.

"Some people might fine that endearing."

"I don't."

"What do you find endearing?" he asked.

"You'll never know" I gave him my best mockingly cheerful smiles. Something flashed in his eyes and I instantly regretted my comment. Which was unusual, very unusual.

"I can't stop thinking about you Kara." he whispered. I barely caught the words.

"Well, you're not trying hard enough, obviously." I snapped.

"I don't want to stop." he whispered again.

I stood up, I was done having this conversation. I grabbed my book and asked the teacher for a hall pass. He was so wrapped up in what he was doing he didn't ask what it was for.

I walked down the hall and dumped my stuff in my locker. I ground my teeth together. Why wouldn't he leave me alone? I knew that Paul didn't chase girls often and if they didn't give in within a few weeks he gave up. Why hadn't he given up? What was so goddamn special about me? I wasn't special.

I grabbed my text book for last hour- now I wouldn't have to come back to my locker until the end of the day- and instead of going back to class headed for the band room. Mr. Daniels never cared if we hung out there when we supposed to be in class, as long as we had a hall pass. I jumped up the three small steps and turned the knob. I rammed my shoulder into the wooden door because it's old and sticks.

I stumbled into the room and Mr. D was sitting on his stool behind his podium his eyes glued to his laptop. I closed the door behind me. He held out his hand for the pass and I handed it to him. He looked at it once and handed it back.

"Jenkins forgot about the class didn't he?" Mr. D asked.

"Yeah, we had a free period." I said heading over to the instrument closet.

"Good thing that guy is retiring this year." Mr. D mumbled. I took out my instrument from where I had set it on the shelf. I ran my good hand over the leather case after I sat it down.

"What happened to your hand, or do I want to know?" Mr. D asked a smirk on his face.

"Oh, nothing really." I shrugged knowing he wouldn't dig.

"You gonna be able to play?" he asked. Good old Mr. D always worried about the band. We didn't have many members, hardly any really, and even if we were one down you could always notice. It wasn't digging really, he just needed to know.

"Yeah. I can still play." I held up my hand and made an ok sign. My thumb and index finger were unbroken, and for that matter so was my pinky. The rest of the fingers on my right hand were smashed in strong sliver braces. I couldn't bend those fingers if I tried.

"I don't want to know" he chuckled shaking his head.

I opened the case to reveal a beautiful red guitar sitting in the black lined box. I smiled and ran my fingers gently over the red paint. I flipped down the panel in the top and grabbed my favorite pick. I pushed it back into place with my right forearm. I grabbed the guitar by the neck and walked over to the couch. I sat down on the well worn couch. It was comfortable. I reached over and grabbed the plug in on the amp that sat next to couch like a coffee table and plugged my guitar in. I adjusted the settings and turned the amp on. It took a few seconds to warm up since it was rather dated.

I adjusted the guitar on my lap and propped my feet up on the makeshift coffee table, settling back into the couch. I placed my fingers on the familiar wire strings. The amp hum lightly and I knew it was ready. I slowly strummed a little warm up to get my fingers going, but I didn't need it. I could play the guitar in my sleep. Despite my injuries I was still good.

Now that I was warmed up I hit a long note and started jamming. My hands moved in ways that sounded normal, fluid. I let up my pent up frustration and anger out on the notes distorting them in way that almost sounded bad. Mr. D was nodding seeming to like what I was playing. The bell rung but I barely noticed. I didn't stop playing. My next class was band and I was already here and warmed up.

The few band members filed in and I stopped playing. Mr. D did attendance and then he told everyone to just 'experiment' with ways of changing they way something sounds.

"Kara" Paige said walking towards me. I slammed out a loud chord that drown out whatever she was trying to say to me. I ripped a few more notes that were almost unpleasant before I stopped.

Paige hung her head and walked back over to the drums. She hit them with anger and with a desperation that almost surprised me.

"Kara may a talk to you a minute?" Mr. D asked from inside his tiny office.

I walked in to find the secretary standing next to Mr. D a sad look on her face. I felt my heart constrict. Not again.

"Who?" I asked. The secretary looked surprised for a fraction of a second. Mr. D didn't seemed phased at all that I knew what was happening.

"You're brother was in a car accident. " the secretary said. It took a few seconds for that blow to sink in. No. I shook my head. This wasn't happening. No. Jay promised. I could feel the hysterics bubbling up. A car accident! No.

"He's alive but he's not well." she said quickly.

"Where is he at?" I demanded, almost rude. I didn't care about this woman.

"Forks hospital" and with that I ran out of the office. I ignored my guitar where it sat on the couch and I ran past everyone and out of the classroom. I ran down the hall and opened my locker with shaking hands. I yanked it open and grabbed my jacket before slamming it shut.

I sprinted down the hallway as fast as my legs would carry me. I reached the door outside and didn't hesitate as I practically jumped down the steps and into the parking lot. Jason wasn't alright and I couldn't stand to have my brother not know how sorry I was. I didn't care if he slept with Paige anymore, as long as he was happy and safe. I ripped my keys from my purse- which thankfully, I had thought to grab before I had left the bad room- an jumped in my car.

-

He was lying on the bed bandaged and bloody. The room smelled like chemicals. He had needles coming out of his arms. Jay hated needles.

I cried as I saw the full extent of his injuries. The bruises already forming on his face, the cuts on his arm where he had tried to shield himself before impact.

I collapsed in the chair by his bed and grabbed his hand gently.

"Jay?" I asked quietly, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep. He needed his sleep to get better. He had lost a lot of blood. He didn't answer. I sniffed and stared at the blue-black bruises on his neck. I reached up and gently brushed his hair out of the blood soaked area of the gauze that wrapped across his forehead. I wondered how deep the cut was. My hand went back to rest with my other one, on Jay's hand.

I sobbed quietly as I realized how close I had come to losing him.

I stayed there all night and waited. Nurses came in regularly to check on him and I always stayed out of there way. I wanted Jay to get better.

"You promised Jay." I whispered. "You promised you wouldn't leave me. Not after what happened to Tara. And a car accident? Not funny, Blue." I used the nickname I used to call him when we were kids, back when things had made sense.

He remained asleep the monitor on the other side of the bed the only sign that he was alive. I leaned against the side of the bed and clutched his hand, unwilling to let him go. I've lost a lot of things, but I wasn't going to lose Jason. Minutes slipped by. I was going to have to go home soon.

"I'm sorry, Blue. This is all my fault. I don't know how but somehow this is my fault. Things like this are always my fault."

"No Kara." Jason whispered from the bed. His voice was rough and weak.

"Blue!" I exclaimed throwing my arms around him, careful not to hurt him.

"You haven't called me that in years. Not since…" he trailed off knowing that I would know what he was referring to. Not since Tara died. I nodded glumly.

"I love you Jason. I'm sorry that I've been such a bitch." I whispered.

"Don't beat yourself up Kara, I deserved it." he said. I pursed my lips, ready to protest when he held up one bandaged hand.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Fine" he answered me with a small half-hearted smile.

**(A/N: What did you think? Who do you think Tara is? First person to guess correctly gets a hint about Kara's past. Bet you guys are sorry you were haten' on Blue, arn't ya? Review!) PS (for 1st song) I used the version by A-ha. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Wooo! So you guys get a bit more info about kara in this chapter. Yea, I know. So three more chapters till you get everything and all the details. You guys could start guessing, but you'll never guess it all. If you do i'll be amazed and call you Jesus.**

**Read and Review and as always Enjoy**

**I don't own Twilight**

Slipping

I didn't go to school the next day. Not with Jason in the hospital. I called in sick. The secretary knew I was lying but really didn't care.

I sunk my head back to my pillow. After getting in late last night- after being all but thrown out of the hospital- I had crashed. My head felt heavy on the pillow and I was reluctant to remove it. But visiting hours at the hospital would start soon and I wanted to go see Blue.

I hauled my ass out of bed and stumbled to my closet. I grabbed jeans and a t-shirt before making my way to the bathroom. I cranked up the music before turning on the water.

Once I was clean I got dressed and padded off to the kitchen. After a cup of coffee I gathered all the crap I might need for today and shoved it in a bag. I pulled on a black knit hat.

I put on my shoes and went to my car. I turned it on and glanced at the clock. A groan escaped my lips. Visiting hours didn't start for an hour.

I knew I didn't want to go back inside. That was just depressing. There were a few places I wouldn't mind going by myself on a day off.

I sighed and backed out of the driveway.

Halfway down the road I thought I saw a blur of something in the woods. It almost looked like… I pushed the thought from my mind. That was just a dream. There weren't giant wolves running around La Push. Bears maybe, but wolves couldn't get that big. Could they? I shook my head and pulled into the small cemetery.

As a general rule, I hate cemeteries at night. They creep me out. But in the overcast light I was only a little nervous. Perhaps it has something to do with the zombie movie I watched with Jay when I was little.

My steps were cautious on the ultra green grass. I didn't want to disrespect any of the graves. I remembered when Grams brought us here when we would visit her in the summer, to see grandpa's grave. She would say that silly saying. What was it? I racked my brain until it supplied the answer. 'Careful what you tread on, you might hurt something you didn't want to.' I smiled at the memory and counted the head stones as I passed them. The closer I got to the end the more my smile faded.

I gazed at the gray headstone and a tear leaked out and streamed silently down my right cheek. The cool November air chilled it until it burnt slightly. The headstone was still hard to look at, just another reminder that the crazy old lady was really gone.

I wiped the tear off my cheek with the palm of my hand. I loved my grandma and missed her like crazy.

"Hey grams." I greeted the headstone feeling like a retard. I nudged the ground with my toe for a minute before continuing. "I know I don't come out here as often as I should but…" I nudged the ground again. "… it's still hard." I decided to be honest. I always used to be honest with grams, why should death change anything? I heard a rustling in the bushes across the cemetery and I snapped my head to look at it. Fear pumped in my veins with each heartbeat. There was nothing there.

I shook my head. I was imagining things lately.

I took a deep breath. "Jason got in a car accident yesterday." I said to the headstone. I closed my eyes and imagined grams worried reaction.

"He's fine but…. it scared the shit out of me." I mumbled. I could almost see her giving me a disapproving look for my foul language. I sighed and sat down on the damp grass. I bit my lip and gazed wearily at the gravestone. I think I was 'losing my marbles' as grams would have put it.

"I just couldn't take it. I heard car accident and I could almost hear the metal crunching and the glass shattering." I shook my head. My hands were trembling. Unconsciously my left hand found the scar hidden in my hair above my left ear. I ran my finger over the raised edge that was almost two inches long. I dropped my hand and took a deep breath.

"Jason is sleeping with Paige." I whispered to the spirit of my grandmother that seemed to linger around the grave. "They were sneaking around behind my back." I blinked away the tears that always seemed to form in my eyes when I come to this cemetery.

I can almost imagine my grandmother sitting next to me her arm wrapped around my shoulder and rubbing soothing circles on my arm. I could almost smell her; lemon, vanilla, and yarn. Her wrinkled face and crinkled eye smile. I gave a small half hearted smile at the memory. The tears spilled over.

"I had another psychotic episode." I chuckled though it wasn't funny. I let out an almost defeated sound before I admitted something that I had been trying to hide from myself. "I think I might have to go on the medication again." It came out a whisper in the air so that I barley heard the sound myself.

"It still hurts you know." I whispered to the illusion of my grandmother, but I didn't look at her, I gazed at the headstone. My hand found its way back to the scar above my ear. I took a few deep breaths.

I reached out and stroked the name on the headstone with my fingertips. _Rosa._ "I miss you grams, everyday. Maybe if you were here things wouldn't be so bad." I whispered.

'_I miss you too, darling girl.' _my illusory grandmother whispered to me before kissing me on the forehead. I squeezed my eyes together and let the rest of the tears spill out. My illusory grandmother vanished.

I wiped the tears streaks away since the November chill was causing them to burn. I took another deep breath and the chilly air that had just cooled down my tears burned my throat. I glanced up and scanned the cemetery, looking to see if anyone had noticed my breakdown. There hadn't been any other cars here when I had pulled up. There still weren't any other cars, besides my own.

But standing in the middle of the cemetery, two rows and thirteen graves away from me, was a tall man in nothing but a pair of shorts. His defined chest was a smooth copper color. His hair was buzzed short and he was staring at me with concerned eyes. Dark, almost black eyes. His jaw was square and his mouth was slightly agape. His lips were pursed. And somehow, despite the chilly air, he didn't have any shoes on. I wondered how he could stand it. I had a sweater on and I was cold. And I knew this man, because he wasn't a man at all.

It was Paul.

I had no doubt in my mind that somehow he had heard every word I had said.

I stared at him with no doubt red rimmed eyes because I had made the mistake of meeting his unfathomable gaze. He took quick steps towards me without breaking eye contact. Those dark eyes were so worried and so concerned. I should have turned my head. I should have stood up and walked to my car as soon as I recognized him.

In a few long strides he was at my side. He knelt down at my side and hugged me. I was shocked by the contact because in hugging me he had broken eye contact. And because he was warm, just like the night in the theater. I should have pulled away. I should have and I didn't. And I don't know why I didn't.

I left my arms at my sides though they wanted to wrap around him and return the hug. Soon he pulled back and searched my face but this time I was prepared and skillfully averted eye contact by hanging my head and dropping my gaze to the damp grass. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me pulling me closer to me. I didn't fight him. But I should have. I laid my head on his shoulder silently. He rubbed comforting circles on my arm and rested his cheek gently on my head.

He was so warm and there was something about Paul that was… so… unexplainable. There was something about him that made me feel… better. Almost… safe. Yeah, I felt safe with Paul. My rational side was screaming at me that this was weird and wrong. It was wrong that I should feel so safe with him, I didn't know him. But a part of me wanted to know him.

I didn't ask about the fact he wasn't wearing shoes or wasn't in school and he didn't say anything about what I had been doing. He just held me. And I didn't fight him.

It was quiet and peaceful when my phone rang. The ringer was loud and echoed in the tree enclosed cemetery. I leaned away from Paul and dug my hand into my pocket and grabbed my phone. I checked the number before I opened it and it wasn't a number my phone recognized. That made me nervous. I had given my number to the hospital in case of an emergency. I quickly put it to my ear.

"Hello" I spoke into the receiver, my voice sounded like shit.

"Miss Green?" a female voice asked.

"Yes" I confirmed.

"I'm sorry to say that your brothers condition has worsened over the night. His body is rejecting the blood transfusions. We think he might lose consciousness within the hour. After that" she paused "we think he _might _slip into a coma." I dropped the phone. It slipped out of my fingers and tumbled to the ground.

"No" I breathed. I started panicking. Paul grabbed my phone and my purse he helped me to my feet. "Jason" I breathed again. Coma. Car accident. Might? What happens if he doesn't go in a coma? Will he die? No. I won't let that happen. I started to run to my car. I'll go to the hospital and offer my blood. It will be closer to Jay's than whatever they're pumping into him now. Once he has my blood he'll be fine. He'll be fine and nothing bad will happen. Everything will go back to the way it was. Everything will be fine.

I was lying to myself because I didn't know what else to do. My hands were trembling and I couldn't put my key in the lock to open my door. A large copper hand took the key away from me. I turned to glare at him but was distracted when I felt his hand on my lower back.

"What do you think you're doing?" I hissed at him.

"I'm driving you to the hospital." he said simply while gently, but forcibly directing be to the passengers side. He unlocked the door and took my arm, even after I tried to bat him away, and helped me sit down in the seat. He shut the door and ran around to the other side.

I couldn't help but watch him run. He was so graceful for a person his height and build. I couldn't help but notice the way his muscles moved. I could tell he hadn't lied to me when he said he loved to run. With his shirt on Paul looked like a weight lifter, but with it off you could tell that the muscles were used to running. My mouth felt dry.

He unlocked the door and slid in. I grabbed my seat belt and slid it on and after three shaking attempts a copper hand took it away from me and snapped it down into it's holder. I tried to calm myself down by taking a deep breath but all that did was make my trembling worse. Paul started my car and the music immediately blared. I reached over and turned it off. It didn't sooth me. I might lose my brother. The only thing in this world I have left. My entire body trembled as I brought my knees to my chest. Paul backed up and drove straight to the hospital.

The quiet was unnerving but I couldn't turn on the music. I gripped by door handle until the action sent a wave of pain up my arm. Paul took my other hand. My trembling slowed.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever despite how fast Paul drove.

**(A/N: oh! Cliffy!! sooooo... yeah. If you want to know what happens you'll have to review. The more reivews i get the faster i'll get the next chapter up. Will Jay be all right? How will Paul explain being shoe...less at the cemetery?)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wooo! Update! **

**Read and Review and as always Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight**

Waiting

The waiting room is a sick joke. The strain and tension was enough to make anyone lose their mind. I tapped my fingers on the wooden armrest of the chair I was sitting in with trembling fingers. Every few seconds my gaze would flicker to the clock if I wasn't already staring at it. Time seemed to go slower here. The bland green walls seemed fitting, it was after all the color of sickness. The people in waiting rooms were sometimes more sick than most of the people in the hospital. Sick with worry. The doctors and nurses and orderlies even seemed to avoid them at all costs.

I hadn't seen Jason yet. He had gone in for a blood transfusion before we had got here. They hadn't waited for me to give him my blood. The blood I knew that would take to his veins.

Tears rolled silently down my face. I was all alone in the most literal sense. No one else sat in this waiting room. Doctors and nurses flitted past, walking faster at the slight alcove than they had before. No one likes waiting rooms. I sat trembling in the faded blue chair.

Paul hadn't come in. He had glance at the hospital and told me he would only be a minute. That had been a half an hour ago. Under normal circumstances I would like to believe I wouldn't need him here. I wouldn't worry about where he was. Wouldn't be upset that I might have scared him off. It was Paul, after all. But for some reason I was worrying. I did need him. But it's probably just the emotional stress.

I had never felt more alone in my entire life.

I had always had Jason, always. Thick and thin. But now, now I was sitting alone in a hospital waiting room feeling hopeless.

The nurse I had fought with earlier walked past the room. She was about to shoot me a dirty look but noticed that I wasn't paying attention to her but was staring at the clock with tear stained cheeks. I saw the pity in her eyes and shot her a glare. I didn't need pity. I didn't want it. She stalked off shaking her head. I returned to counting the seconds and staring at the clock. I ran my hand though my hair and swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

Alone.

That's what I was. That's what I'll always be if anything happens to Jay.

Where was Paul? What had happened? Was he hurt? Attacked by bears? Or worse, wolves?! Though I had been denying the existence of giant wolves this morning I didn't notice as the thought pushed through my mind causing my hands to tremble a little more.

Is Jason's body taking the blood this time? What happens if it doesn't? Will they let me give my blood next time? Will there be a next time? I nearly choked with panic.

I'd give it all, every last drop of my blood. If it meant Blue would be alright I would do anything.

"Kara?" A female voice asked hesitantly from the entrance to the waiting room. Even though the quite voice was strained I still recognized it.

I moved my gaze slowly from the clock.

Paige.

"Hey" I whispered not able to force enough effort on making it louder. All my energy was set on worrying even if it is not what I wanted to do. She hesitantly walked in a weary and worried expression on her face. I went back to staring at the clock and Paige sat next to me. She joined me watching the seconds pass and fidgeted in her seat restlessly. I could understand her restlessness, I hadn't stopped trembling since I heard about Jason. Paige sniffed after a few minutes and burst into tears. I reached over and took her hand without looking at her.

I didn't feel quite so alone anymore. Paige shared my pain, she understood what it would be like to lose Jason.

Paige turned and clasped her hand over her mouth sobbing. She clutched my hand tightly.

Forty minutes. Paul still wasn't here. I sniffed and let a few tears fall down my cheeks. But I didn't sob, not yet. I wouldn't grieve yet. They were fine. Paul would be here any minute and Jason would be fine. They were fine, there was no reason to grieve. Yet.

Despite how much I hoped and believed Jason was going to pull through, that the blood would finally take, I could see a black casket in my mind. Long and sleek and absolutely terrifying. I saw the grave and the flowers pilled on the coffin. I could see Paige crying at the funeral finding comfort in her mother's arms as she sobbed. And I could see me. Standing all alone- while people in black rushed around me- with no one to comfort me or hold me while I cried for one person who ever really understood me. Knew me before my heart turned frigid and my walls went up. The person who held me at our sister's funeral, at our grandmother's. I could imagine a hurt so painful taking me over. So much more painful than losing my sister, or my grandmother. Jason was a part of me. Like a lung and an arm.

Fifty minutes. Where was he? Wasn't the blood transfusion over yet? Had something gone wrong? Were they okay?

I worried.

An hour. Was he hurt? I shook my head. He had probably gone to school. I had misunderstood. He had probably meant… something that I couldn't think of right now. I couldn't think logically in this room. An hour? I could have sworn that he said he would be back in a minute.

'_I'll be in, just a minute.' _His words echoed in my mind. I couldn't stand sitting anymore. I carefully removed my hand from Paige's grasp and I paced.

While walking I thought that I might look like a crack addict going through withdrawals.

"Where are you?" I whispered to a painting on the wall. Paige continued to cry quietly as she stared at the clock with almost unblinking eyes.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Paige whispered almost if she was afraid to speak louder.

"Of course." I said as a picture of both Jay and Paul flashed through my mind. Jay and his mood changing eyes and curly hair. His protective nature and comforting smiles. Paul and his dark eyes and square jaw. His laugh and his cocky grin. A sharp pang ricocheted through my ribcage as I realized the uncertainty of my answer. I had lied of course, to help Paige cope a little better. I quickened my pace. Seven steps, turn, seven steps, turn. Repeat.

'_I'll be in, just a minute.' _Why did I want him here so much? Why was I so worried about him? Why did I-

He walked into the waiting room and relief washed over me. I continued to pace and I glanced at the clock.

"Sorry I took so long." he said in a normal tone of voice, not the whispered tones me and Paige had been using. It helped ease the tension, I think.

He sat down in a chair and spread his legs out in front of him. He leaned back and put a lazy smile on his face. It calmed me surprisingly and I slowed my pacing.

Calm down, I instructed myself.

He had a shirt on, and shoes. I wondered what he had been doing without shoes on in the cemetery. Was he stalking me? That was a creepy thought but I didn't think that was it.

"Kara, you're going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep that up." Paul commented from his chair. I flipped him off and was rewarded with a cheeky smile.

"Anytime." he waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. I rolled my eyes. Paige gave a half laugh that turned into a sob. Why had I been so worried about Paul? I shook my head, I didn't know. Maybe I had been worrying about everything.

"Do you know what I think we should do?" Paul asked glancing around the small room. No one answered him but he continued none the less. "I think we should do something. Take your minds off of things." I ignored him.

"Fine" he mumbled "ignore my suggestion."

"Paul I really don't expect you to grasp the seriousness of the situation. So just shut the fuck up." I snapped.

"Good old Kara's back" Paul smiled that smile I like. Paige glanced over at him and before her head had fully turned it had faded back into the cocky grin. I stuffed my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt and let my shoulders fall into a slouch as I walked.

Seven, turn, seven, turn. Repeat. Pacing made me worry more and I slumped against the wall not wanting to sit next to Paige or, the only other seat option, next to Paul. But my attempt to avoid him was ruined as he slid out of his seat to sit next to me on the ground. Part of me wanted to give him a disgusted look and stand up. But a bigger part of me felt better that he sat next to me. He slid closer so that we were as close as we could without actually touching. I watched the door of the waiting room, only because I couldn't see the clock, I was sitting under it.

As I gauzed at the door I wondered how everything had become so messed up in the last few days. From saying yes to a date with Paul, to finding out my best friend and my brother are sleeping together, to breaking my hand and arm, to the car crash, to grandma's grave, to the waiting. It seems like a lifetime instead of five measly days.

"What are you thinking about?" a husky voice whispered in my ear bringing me out of my thoughts as his hot breath blew across my skin.

I turned to look at him and noticed he was a lot closer than before, leaning towards me. In fact his face was inches form mine. I shrugged and quickly turned away.

"What were you thinking about Kara?" Paul asked again. The slightly teasing tone of his voice hit one of her nerves. I turned back to look at him with narrowed eyes.

"Well?" he prompted with joking eyes.

"I was imagining putting your face through the wall" I said.

"You seemed awfully sad about it." he commented.

"I was imagining the mess I was going to have to clean up. There was a lot of blood." I said coldly.

"Really?" he asked excited. "How much?"

"Gallons" I answered simply.

"Only gallons? I think I would bleed a bit more than that. You should really make you violent fantasies about me more realistic."

"Fantasies?" I scoffed "Aren't you a little out of touch with reality." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Am I?" he smiled cheekily at me. I narrowed my eyes at him again. Why had I worried about Paul again?

"Yes" I snapped "You are."

"What were you really thinking about?" he asked softly, the teasing sound of his voice was gone. I glanced away from him quickly knowing the hypnotizing capabilities of his eyes.

"Kara?" his voice was a soft whisper in my ear, husky and soothing. Why do I like the way he says my name so much?

I didn't answer him and after a minute he leaned closer.

His hand came up and his fingers found there way into the hair above my left ear. I knew what he was doing and I didn't stop him. His hot fingertips brushed the scar there.

"What's this from?" his whispered in my ear.

"Car accident." I whispered. Paul was quiet for a minute before he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and brought me closer to him. I felt warmer and safer. And I didn't feel alone at all.

The funeral scene flashed before my eyes again. Black coffin, piles of flowers, and a crying Paige. But this time it was different. This time I wasn't standing alone. Paul was there with me, standing behind me as I gazed at the box that contained my brother's body.

I glanced at Paul. His concerned eyes traced over my face and I had never felt more scared in my entire face. What was happening to me?

"Miss Green?" a nurse asked from the doorway. I turned my attention from Paul to the woman. As soon as I saw her face I knew.

I knew.

**(A/N: What happened to Jay?! Review and find out! _More reviews faster updates_)**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry it took so long. _I is very sorry!_ I have a lot of excuses (not that you want to hear them, but they _are _really good excuses). But in general this chapter was a very slow write. Not extremly interesting like the chapter coming up that i have my mind wrapped around. But i have to make the chapters between now and then decent. I erased this... i don't even know how many times. Too many really. **

**THANK YOU to all those who reviewed. I really love ya. Again sorry for the wait. Next chapter will be faster... I hope. **

**Read and Review and as always Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight**

Coma

Jason was laying on the pristine white sheets in a light blue room. One of the florescent lights to my right flickered ever so often casting the sleeper sofa in different shades of shadows. The annoying machine by his bed continued to beep in a steady, slow tempo alerting us to his every heartbeat. There were needles and tubes in Jason's arm. Blood and a strange clear liquid I didn't think was water dripped slowly down two of the tubes. Jay's face was pale and the bandage on his forehead was still bloody, as if it wasn't healing.

He was in a very light coma. Whatever that meant, I didn't know the difference. His subconscious mind could respond to the occasional occurrence in his surroundings. Like he was sleeping until his body was capable to heal properly. Or at least this is how it was explained to me after I interrupted the medical terms they were throwing around.

Paige had heard the word 'coma' and ignored everything else. She was silently crying at his side his limp hand clutched in her grasp. I had frozen stiff as a board the second the word had escaped the nurses lips. I could do noting but stare at my brother since I had gotten into the small room. My twin. My blue Jay.

"…he may respond to familiar sounds." the doctor finished whatever he had been saying. I really hadn't been listening.

I was standing by the doorway almost on the other side of the room from Jay. I was afraid to get close to him. To realize this was really happening. Paul was standing behind me, close enough that I could feel the heat that seemed to radiate off of him. The light across the room flickered again.

"Kara" Paul whispered in my ear while pushing his big hand against the small of my back gently trying to get me to move closer to Jay. I wouldn't move, I wouldn't budge. I was thoroughly convinced my feet were glued to the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the reality of the situation. The tears wouldn't come, I was all cried out.

"Jay" Paige coxed lightly. Jason's brow crumpled slightly. A normal reaction for Jason hearing the pain in Paige's voice. "Jason" she said with a little relief and the slight v in Jay's forehead faded. This was almost enough encouragement for me to go to Blue. But my feet were still glued to the floor.

Because Blue did love Paige. I might not believe in love but that doesn't mean my brother can't. I believed that he believed he loved her. She was all he needed. He didn't need me anymore. Had he ever needed me?

Blue had always been awfully strong, awfully brave. I thought with a sharp stab of pain that he had never needed me like I had needed him.

The room suddenly felt like a cage. Small, inclosing… crushing. I found that my feet were no longer glued to the floor as I quickly moved around Paul and headed out of the cell-like room. I rushed down the hall knowing that Paige would take care of Jason. They didn't need me.

No one needed me. It was an odd feeling. I had never felt like I needed to be needed. I had never felt needed. But somehow it upset me that Jay didn't need me. It was probably because I needed him.

It was rather pathetic really.

I didn't hear him following me. Maybe Paul had gotten some sense and would finally start leaving me alone. My chest constricted. Why did it hurt to think about that? It shouldn't hurt. I didn't hurt to think like that Thursday. Why was that?

I saw something out of the corner of my eye and did a double take. Where the …? I glanced back down the hallway. How hadn't I heard him coming?

He grinned at me. I sighed as the pain in my chest disappeared. I have a felling that this might be unhealthy.

I walked out of the hospital and felt a warm hand engulf mine. My first thought was that it felt nice. My second thought was that I was going insane. And my third thought was to snatch my hand away, which I did. I didn't want to give Paul the wrong idea.

"I have an idea. Why don't you come with me to my friends house? I bet you're hungry and she makes great food. It might take you're mind off things." he shrugged his shoulders, nonchalant. I was hungry, but I didn't want to go anywhere.

"No thanks, I just want to go home. Do you need a ride?" I nearly smacked myself as soon as the offer escaped my lips.

"Well, since you're offering. I wouldn't mind a ride." His white teeth were a big contrast to his copper skin and I found myself slightly distracted as he smiled. I unlocked the car with slightly trembling fingers, nothing compared to the last time I had tried. Locking the doors was just a habit I had developed from living in a big city for most of my life.

I slid the key into the ignition and started the car. I eased out of the parking spot. When I hit the highway I let myself speed up.

"If you ever want to talk, Kara, I'll always be around to listen." Paul shrugged from where he was lounging in the passenger seat. He looked completely at ease. I tore my eyes away from him before I got distracted and wrapped the car around a tree.

I snorted "Whatever, Hallmark"

Paul chuckled from his seat. "I'm serious."

I shook my head, my hands clenched on the steering wheel a little harder. "No thanks."

"Do you ever get sick of lying to yourself?" he asked curiously.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I mean it's pretty obvious that you're attracted to me Kara. Why won't you just let me in?" he asked.

I slammed on my break. Paul, having forgotten to put his seatbelt on, went flying forward. He hit his head on the metal frame above the windshield.

"Ow" he complained landing back in the passengers seat rubbing his head. I smirked.

I put my foot back on the gas and continued to La Push. Paul was still rubbing his forehead.

"Attracted, as if." I snapped but kept my gaze firmly on the road. He was bluffing.

"Why did you run away from me Monday?" he asked casually.

"I didn't run away from you" I clarified.

"Might as well have" he muttered.

"Well?" he prompted after a minute. I was just passing the cliffs and I noticed a plummeting figure. I ignored Paul.

"Umm… Where do you live?" I asked because I honestly had no idea. He named his street and I was surprised I knew where it was.

"Please stop avoiding the question" he stared me down, I felt his gaze on my face.

I pulled over to the side of the road in roughly the middle of his street. I had a feeling that if I asked where he lived he wouldn't tell me.

"Please tell me because I can't figure it out. I can't figure _you_ out." he pleaded. I didn't like the direction this conversation was headed. I scowled defiantly at my dashboard. Why couldn't he just get out of my car and leave me alone? I again found myself wondering what was so special about me.

"Why do you want to figure me out? I'm not that interesting. Don't you realize that you're just wasting your time?" I leaned my head against the seat staring into the forest instead of turning to look at Paul.

"I don't think it's a waste of time." he said simply. "You still haven't answered my question."

"And I'm not going to."

He sighed and I looked at him. His eyes opened to reveal two pleading orbs. I had met his hypnotizing gaze. Why hadn't I learned my lesson the first few times? I didn't know but I couldn't look away from him.

I had done so good at avoiding his gaze all day.

"Ok." he said almost… disappointed. His face was defiantly upset. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Whatever" I mumbled breaking my gaze away. I heard the door open and saw him get out of the car.

"Bye, Kara." he smiled sadly at me.

"Bye" I mumbled. He shut the door and I put the car in drive. I sped down the road and took the turn at the corner faster than I should have, considering the rain.

I drove in silence, something I hardly do. I just…didn't feel like listening to music. I didn't feel… right. I felt… confused. I didn't know how I felt. I thought about it all the way home.

I kicked off my shoes like I had the night before and pulled off my rain-soaked hat. I felt raw. That was it. Hurt and exposed. I wondered if a wounded animal would feel like this. I would like to think no one would feel like this. Jason might not be gone… exactly. But he still wasn't here. It was like I thought it would be in the waiting room from hell. It was like part of me was missing and all that was left was a giant gaping wound. Bloody and stinging.

But, that wasn't all. I flopped down on the couch and laid my arm across my eyes. What the hell was it?! I couldn't figure it out to save my life. It didn't hurt like the raw pain it was just…uncomfortable. It was more subtle, lodged in my collarbone, right above my heart.

I sighed, frustrated. I was mentally- and emotionally- exhausted. Physically, my muscles ached from trembling. Which they were still doing. My energy slowly ebbed and soon I was drifting into unconsciousness.

The silver wolf was there. His gray fur shone in the starlight that filtered through the canopy above. He stood out in the sea of green trees and ferns.

He always seemed to be in my dreams these days. Sometimes he was running, sometimes he was sitting, and sometimes I didn't know what he was doing. There was something about the wolf that I identified with. He was strong, arrogant, and angry. But there was something else that I couldn't place, that I didn't understand. The look in his oddly human eyes. Most of the time they were troubled- hurt- like they were tonight. I wondered why.

**(A/N: Yeah. I'll say it agian. I really am sorry. You guys were so good at your end of the deal and I feel really bad. Review me ways that I can make it up to you and i'll try to pick a few)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok, I'm aware of the fact that I haven't update in a while. Sorry guys, writers block. I have every intention of seeing this story to its end. **

**I got my first hate review. They love the story, hate me. Well, you didn't hurt my feelings. And you were compleatly wrong.**

**Kara hasn't forgiven Paige.(as many people have been led to believe) Kara neither forgives nor forgets easily, as you will soon find out.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

Past

I went to school the next day.

I sat back during creative writing while Mrs. Rodgers explained to the rest of the class what they did wrong on their stories. Paige sat silently next to me. Her eyes were unfocused with rather large purple bags under them. Her usually well kept hair was messy and lanky. Her clothes didn't match.

She was a mess, a bigger mess than I was.

I stared at the grain of the table as the teacher ambled on. Thoughts of Jay drifted through my mind. Pristine white sheets, metal crunching, the steady beep of a machine, the sound of shattering glass.

The bell rang pulling me out of my retrieve. I walked with Paige to our next class. I ignored the stares that made me feel like Swiss cheese, like every gaze cut through me. I felt breakable, something I wasn't used to. I was starting to really hate it actually.

Paige hadn't said a word all day, which was very un-Paige. Normally you couldn't get her to shut up.

We walked into the room and sat down at our usual desks. I saw Kim holding Jared's hand across the room. I still wondered why they were so close. Jared smiled at her and there was a look in his eyes that I couldn't comprehend. She blushed and smiled back up at him.

Paul plopped his stuff down on the desk next to mine. I gazed up at him. He looked down at me with a small smile on his face and no pity in his eyes. The first person today who hasn't pitied me.

Paul's gaze didn't cut through me like the others did. In fact it filled up some of the holes. I gave him a small smile. It took most of my effort.

"Hey" I said quietly. His smile widened, bright and cheerful. I felt the corners of my mouth perk up a bit more.

"Hey" he replied back as he sat down. Why was I so happy to see him? I dropped my gaze to my text book, suddenly nervous. Whatever was happening to me needed to stop.

The teacher forgot about the class again. Typical.

Paige stared at the cover of her text book all class period.

"So Kara, since you're not doing anything tonight, would you come with me to that bonfire?" Paul asked. I turned to glare at him.

"I thought we had already discussed this." I said evenly.

"Yes, we did. But you could change your mind." he smiled at me. He is infuriating! Why oh why am I attracted to him?! Better question: Why in hell do I want to go?! This is unhealthy. This isn't sane.

I sighed.

"Is that a yes?" Paul asked hopefully. His eyes brightened.

"No that is not a yes" I hissed. His face fell. I forced myself not to feel guilty though it was quite challenging. Why do I want him to be happy? I'm not a happy person, I should want him to be as miserable as I am. But I don't. And why can't I answer any of these questions? I was getting frustrated.

"What do I have to do to make you see that you're all I think about?" he asked. My heart twisted with hope but I quickly squashed it. To hope was to get hurt. Because if nothing else kills you, hope will.

"I'm not giving up on you Kara." he said.

My stomach took the verbal blow in stride. He wasn't the first person to say that. In fact, it was word for word.

"Don't say that!" I hissed with venom. But it was too late. The memories were swirling around me. Each image painful and grotesque.

"_I'm not giving up on you Kara" _The words echoed in my mind.

"Don't say that." I whispered, defeated. An echo of pain filled me.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said playing with the edge of my notebook. But I did want to talk about it. I had never talked about it, nor had I ever wanted to.

He sighed.

"Why don't you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Why do you care?" I mumbled, my anger gone.

"I asked you first." he pointed out.

"You're the one desperate to know." I shrugged but looked away from him. There was silence between us that lasted minutes.

When I couldn't take it anymore I whispered "It hurts too much." I couldn't look at him, so I didn't see his reaction. The bell rang.

I gathered my stuff and left the room, still not looking at him. I didn't want to see the pity.

I didn't want pity from anyone, I had too much pride.

Pride was just another wall I had put up over the years. It was familiar, sturdy. It kept me strong when things got hard.

In the hallway people stared. I held my head high and did my best to ignore the looks. But I could feel their eyes on me, a too familiar feeling. Swiss cheese all over again.

School flashed by, speeding past me in a blur of colors and sounds. Funny how time doesn't work right at the worst of times. I didn't want to go home and sit alone in the house that Jay and I shared.

I was stone in most of my classes. I didn't move after I had sat down with the exception of breathing. When class was over I would stand up, gather my stuff, and leave. I didn't talk. In fact the only thing I was capable of doing was thinking. And I thought a lot as half the day slipped by me, unnoticed. I thought of Jay, of course, and Paul. I had the creeping suspicion that something was going to have to be done about that. I couldn't allow myself to let him get close to me, or -worse- me get close to him. I still remembered the last person who I had let close to me. Hell I had the reminder plastered on my arm.

I still hadn't forgotten Paige's betrayal. And while I can understand that she 'loves' my brother and that my brother 'loves' her, I could never really forgive her. Or at least not entirely. I was still furious about it, still wounded, still hurt. I would always be hurt.

And I knew that she knew this, if the desperate, pleading looks that she kept giving me at lunch we're any indication. I ignored them of course, not entirely aware of my surroundings.

_Or perhaps, _I thought climbing into my car, aware of my surroundings for the first time since second hour, _she thinks I can save Jay. _Like I wouldn't if I could?I focused on my actions, a tiny bit frightened that I might fall back into the blur again while driving.

I made it home without incident. It was pouring when I pulled into the driveway. I cut the engine and slumped against the seat, watching the rain try and pound my windshield away. I concentrated on the defending sound. I didn't want to go inside.

I don't know how long I sat there, listening to the rain. All I know is that the grays skies started to darken with the approach of night when a heard someone knock on the door of my car. I jumped, panic flying threw me in an instant. The seatbelt- that I had never got around to taking off- cut into my chest and knocked the breath out of me as it restrained me from going any farther. If I would have had any air in my lungs I would have screamed as the door was opened.

But I didn't have any air in my lungs, so I scrambled to undo my seatbelt as quickly as possible. Before I had accomplished the task hand had clamped down over my mouth. The hand smelled like cigarettes and Chinese take out.

I recognized the scent instantly and elbowed him in the face.

"Ow!" came a surprised voice from the dark. I undid my seatbelt easily, my fingers working easily when panic was absent. I wasn't frightened anymore, I was furious. I stepped out of the car and into the rain which had turned into a drizzle during the time I had been in the car.

I took a deep breath of the cold air. There was a hunched black shape on my front lawn grabbing -what I can only assume was- his face.

"Ow! Kara, it's me." said a rasping voice from the dark. The voice was rougher and deeper than I remembered it.

"I know who it is" I hissed. I glared at the black shape.

"Then why did you hit me?!" he exclaimed indignantly, standing up straight.

"Because you deserved it."

"For scaring you? That's not a very good reason." he answered his own question.

"That's not what I was referring to." my tone was cold.

"Why do you sound so angry? Aren't you happy to see me?" he asked.

"No. I'm not happy to see you." I scowled to further show my point.

"Kara? Not happy to see me?" he scoffed. "Never. Not the Kara I know."

"Knew" I corrected him. The black shape cocked his head to the side.

"Are you sure you know who I am?" he asked, amusement clear in his voice.

"Yes" my glare intensified.

He chuckled.

"What are you laughing about?" I snapped.

"You have no idea who I am, do you? Kara, it's me. Greg." he said as he gestured to himself.

"I know." I snapped, my tone darker than before. A surge of hate sizzled through my system.

"Then why are you so angry?" he asked, bewildered.

"Because you deserve it." I hissed through clenched teeth.

"For scaring you?" he scoffed again.

"No" I growled. My fists -clenched at my sides- were trembling with my rage. How dare he come here! How dare he act like nothing happened!

"Are you cold? Maybe we should go inside." he suggested.

"You are never stepping foot inside my house or I will rip out you're intestines and feed them to the wolves." I threatened.

"Kara, what's the matter with you?" he asked confused. "Did you hit you're head?"

"No" I yelled, releasing the anger. "I didn't hit my head!"

"Then why are you so angry with me?" he flinched back from my explosion.

"You should know!" I yelled taking a step forward my mind bent on violence.

"Why do girls always say that?" he mused, unafraid. "Is it-?" he stopped short. "What's that on your arm? Is it a cast?!"

"Yes" I hissed back down to my normal volume.

"How did you manage to break your arm?" he asked, snickering.

I ignored his question.

"Why are you here?" I said slowly, my voice was eerily calm. Greg froze and took a step back.

"I heard about your brother. You two were always close and I knew you would be taking this hard." I took a step forward and he took another step back. His words came faster. "I thought you might need someone to help you through it. Someone you trust. So I came to see you."

Greg was taller than me, but that didn't stop him from shrinking away from me. I could see a little better now, just enough to make out his car and the house. Greg's hands were held out in front of him defensively.

"I don't trust you." the words flew out low and fast, like the crack of a whip. He paused and straightened up.

"Why don't you trust me?" he asked, confused. "We're best friends."

"We were" my voice was frigid. A pain shot through my heart, my eyes stung. I wouldn't cry though, he didn't deserve it.

"What do you mean 'we were'?" he sounded hurt. Good, he deserved to be hurt as much as he had hurt me.

"I mean _we were_. As in we aren't anymore. It's past tense."

"Why aren't we friends anymore?" he was still confused.

"We aren't friends because I _hate_ you. It complicates things a bit." the latter was sarcastic.

It was silent for a minute until he spoke.

"W-why do you hate me?" he asked softly. His voice was shaky and stuttered out the first word.

"Do I have to have a reason?" I asked and waited for his answer. It never came. "That's what I thought." I turned on my heel and headed for the house.

He grabbed my wrist and twisted me back around until I was facing him.

His grip was strong and -despite my efforts- I couldn't break it.

"Why, Kara? Why?" his voice was angry. I could feel his breath on my face, it smelled like spearmint and alcohol. He was drunk. I shoved at his him with my cast.

"Why?!" he demanded his grip tightening sending a wave of pain up my arm. I let out a choked sound as the pain overwhelmed my senses.

"Why!" he demanded, louder this time.

"Because you hurt me!" I yelled at him, fury drowning out the pain. In shock, he eased his grip on my wrist and I snatched it away.

"I never hurt you." his voice was low, harsh.

"You just did" I raised my wrist as proof. I couldn't see it in the dark, but I knew bruises were starting to form.

"I never hurt you." he yelled advancing on me. Fear pooled in my gut and I took a few steps back still wearing my angry mask. He wouldn't hit me, he didn't have the balls. Or at least he didn't use to. I wasn't so sure anymore.

"Yes, you did" I hissed.

"No" his voice was less confident.

"You hurt me." I accused angrily, shaking from the cold. My jacket was soaked and I was freezing.

"No." his voice was desperate. "I wouldn't, I couldn't." He shook his head in denial. He didn't want to believe it. "I couldn't hurt you, I love you."

"You don't know what love is." I hissed at him as I took another retreating step, my back was now pressed against the cold metal of the garage door. I had nowhere left to go. He was stronger than I was. He was faster. If it came down to a fight he had the upper hand.

"No Kara, _you_ don't know what love is." his voice was angry again.

"Get away from me!" I hissed as he closed the space between us.

"You don't mean that." he said confidently.

"Yes, I do" I was scared, and it was showing through my anger. He reached out and stroked my cheek. I hit his hand away with my cast and pressed closer to the garage, but it was pretty useless.

He slapped me, hard.

My cheek stung as the back of my head collided heavily with the garage door. Tears rushed to my eyes, my head spun. My knees started to

give out, I slid down the garage door until I they gave out completely and I landed on the cold, wet ground.

I could have fought back. I could have hit him, hurt him. I could never have beat him with my arm the way it was. I could have done _some_ damage. But it was Greg. Despite all that he had done to me, despite how much I hated him, I couldn't hit him.

So when he raised his foot to kick me, I didn't fight back. Instead I raised my hands to protect myself, closed my eyes, and braced myself for the blow.

Pain flashed through my system as his foot made contact. Black spots clouded my vision and the last thing I saw before I slipped completely into the darkness was Greg's foot, poised and ready to make contact again.

Funny how the past can come back to haunt you in the present.

**A/N: Kara isn't dead. I wouldn't do that. The story isn't over yet. Relaxe.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Quick update, I know you're proud of me. Don't expect to have the next one up so fast, I had a three day weekend to work on it. **

**Read and Review and as always, Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight.**

Present

My thoughts were muddled. I didn't know where I was.

I remember being outside with Greg. There had been yelling and… he had slapped me… I pushed the train of thought from my mind.

I wasn't cold anymore, and it wasn't wet so I ventured a guess that I was inside. I could feel the scratchy yarn of an afghan around me.

A hand on my shoulder was shaking me again. It had woke me up in the first place.

"Kara?" a husky, anxious voice asked. It sounded like Paul, but I couldn't be sure.

I groaned and pulled the afghan up around my face. I didn't want to get up, I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Kara, open you're eyes." he said. I made a face.

"Five more minutes." I mumbled.

He chuckled, relived.

"I'm sorry, Kara. You have to wake up and tell the officers what happened." his voice was soothing.

"Don't want to. My head hurts." I mumbled and pulled the afghan a little higher to block out the light. A hand gently felt my head and I winced when it hit the soft spot where my skull had collided with the metal garage door.

"Kara, wake up. You might have a concussion, you can't go back to sleep." the voice said.

"Says who?" I mumbled.

"Me" he said. I made another face and cracked my eyes opened. I was laying on my couch with Paul knelling in front of me. Two officers in tan uniforms were behind him. One was balding and the other had gray hair and a beard.

I started to sit up but stopped when the world started to lurch. I froze a took a few deep breaths before sitting up the rest of the way.

"Miss Green?" the balding officer asked.

"Yes?"

"Did you know your assailant, Miss?" asked the man with the beard.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

"Could you state his name please, for the record?"

"Greg McLean." I said bitterly.

"Did Mr. McLean hurt you, Miss Green?" the balding officer asked.

"Yes" I mumbled a bit intelligible. Beside me -now sitting on the couch- Paul shook.

"Do you have any proof, any bruises?" the bearded officer asked. I held out my left wrist where, sure enough, a yellow bruise was forming. Looking at the discolored skin I could make out the shape of Greg's hand. The way his fingers had constricted around my wrist. I quickly dropped my hand to my side.

"Anything else?" asked the balding man. His tone sent a jolt of anger through me. He made it seem like a game. Like my attack was all for his person enjoyment. Like it was all for shits and giggles. I decided he needed a reality check.

I lifted up my shirt high enough so you could see the giant black-blue bruise that covered most of the skin on my stomach, but not high enough to show all the men in the room my bra. Paul started shaking a bit harder.

"I would like to press charges." I said angrily as I lowered my shirt.

"We'll need you to tell us exactly what happened." the man with the beard said reasonably. I like him a lot better than balding man.

"I was in my car. I was a bit distracted when he knocked on my window. I was a bit… startled. He opened the door while I tried to undo my seatbelt. He clamped his hand over my mouth and I elbowed him in the face. We argued and he grabbed my wrist. After, yet more arguing, I managed to get my wrist back. I back away from him as he came at me. When he had me cornered he slapped me and my head collided with the garage door. My head hit it pretty hard. My knees collapsed and he kicked me. That's about when I blacked out." I summarized.

"Do you know if he came here with the intention of hurting you? His drivers license says he was from out of state." the balding officer asked.

"No, he didn't come here to hurt me." I sulked a little as I glared up at the officer. I really didn't like the balding man, his pompous scrunched face irritated me as his mud colored eyes scrutinized me.

"If he didn't come here to hurt you why did he cover you're mouth after he opened the door?" the pompous, scrunched faced officer asked. He obviously thought I was lying, for some screwed up reason.

"Who the fuck knows? So I wouldn't wake up half the neighborhood? To surprise me? Because he was shit face drunk? Take your pick." I snapped.

"What's you're relationship with Mr. McLean?" asked the gray haired officer.

"He was my best friend once upon a time." the comment was bitter and hung in the air for a few seconds. The officers -and Paul for that matter- were shocked. They had probably expected him to be an ex.

"What were you two arguing about?" the bearded officer tried to fill the sudden awkward silence.

I thought about this for a second, trying to sum up the argument.

"We were fighting about why I hate his guts." I said simply.

"Did you try to defend yourself, Miss Green? You didn't mention defending yourself." the bearded officer asked. I wondered idly why they hadn't motioned their names. Wasn't that part of their protocol?

"Greg's stronger than I am, especially with my arm like this," I lifted up my cast, "I knew I didn't stand a chance. If I would have fought back he would have become angrier and more violent." I shrugged. I didn't feel like mentioning the fact that I hadn't wanted to fight back. I was pretty spent, my eyelids were drooping.

"That's all for now Miss Green. We'll press the charges, I hope you feel better soon." the bearded officer tipped his hat and left, the scrunched faced, balding man at his heels.

When the front door had shut I slumped back and winced as the action hurt my side. I ached everywhere.

"Are you okay?" Paul asked, still shaking. His voice was strained.

I nodded and the world shifted slightly. I blinked a few times until it righted itself. I had a massive headache.

"I should take you to the hospital." he murmured, more to himself than to me.

"No. I don't want to go to the hospital." I sulked and massaged my temple with my fingertips. It was quite for a minute as Paul's shaking disappeared.

"Do you want something for your head?" he asked. I nodded and was pleased when the world stayed in place. He stood up and looked down at me expectantly.

"Bathroom, medicine cabinet." I murmured. He disappeared behind the couch. When I heard the bathroom door open I slumped back down until my head rested on one of the pillows. I head the faucet running and his returning foot steps. He towered over me. Paul always towers over me, hell everyone towers over me, but lying down I had to strain my neck to see his face.

"You shouldn't be lying down." he mumbled, handing me two pills. I took them and put them in my mouth. He held out a glass of water for me. I ignored it and dry-swallowed the pills.

He sighed and sat down on the couch next to me.

"Is this why you won't me in? Assholes like Greg?" he asked me softly. He didn't look at me as he asked it.

"That might be part of it" I mumbled truthfully.

"Why do you hate him? Has he hurt you like this before?" Paul asked, his words were strained again.

"No, he hasn't physically hurt me before." I muttered ignoring the first question. Paul was quite.

"How _has_ he hurt you?" he asked, words still strained.

"He betrayed my trust."

"Is that why you hate him?" he asked. He still hadn't looked at me.

"Ding, ding. We have a winner!" I did a lame impression of a talk-show host. Paul chuckled and I smiled.

"How did he betray your trust?" Paul asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. " I mumbled into my pillow, my good mood gone.

"I wish you would." Paul said after a minute. It was quite. I didn't have a smart-ass comment for that.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked. I had a hunch he wasn't talking about my injuries.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

It was quite again, both of us thoughtful.

"When my dad left I didn't want to talk about it either." Paul said, finally looking at me. "I was just so angry." he admitted. I sat up slowly, ignoring the pain in my side.

"How old were you?" I asked quietly.

"Six"

I didn't know what to do. Know one had really confided in me like this. I could tell Paul still didn't like to talk about his dad. He wanted me to trust him. He wanted me to see that he understood. Or maybe he just wanted me to know.

"He packed his bags one day while my mom was at work. I asked him where he was going and he wouldn't answer me. I asked him if I could go with him and he said I couldn't. Then, just as he opened the front door I asked him when he would be back. He said he wouldn't and he closed the door." Paul's voice was quite.

"Haven't seen him since." Paul mutter bitterly.

It explained a lot about Paul, really.

I didn't know what to say to that. So I didn't say anything. I just leaned over and put my hand on his shoulder. It was the same thing Jay had done for me when I had come home after Greg had taken advantage of me that one drunk night a week or so after my grandmother had died.

"Your dad makes my dad look like the patron saint of bars and taverns." I mumbled the most inappropriate thing for the given situation. But that didn't mean it wasn't true. He gave a half laugh.

"It's getting late" Paul mumbled. I glance at the clock, it was late.

"Yeah" I agreed.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, Kara" he said before he leaned down and kissed me.

He stood up and swiftly left before I had a chance to utter a single syllable. I sat on the couch, open mouthed and stunned.

He had kissed me. I hadn't been high and I had… enjoyed it. This was wrong. I think I had crossed some unknown line.

I was going to have to stop this before it got any worse. Before either one of us got hurt. But I shied away from the thought, I didn't want to lose Paul.

No one had been this determined to stay in my life before. No one seemed to care as much as he did.

No one.

What would a life without Paul be like? For the life of me I couldn't imagine it. I had only _really _known him for five days and already I couldn't imagine my life without him. This was wrong. People aren't supposed to feel like this after only five days.

How did I feel about Paul?

He was impossibly irritating and sometimes go on my last nerve. He was handsome and gave me butterflies. He was an asshole, but he was also the sweetest guy I knew.

Damn, this was wrong.

I abandoned my afghan on the couch and walked into the kitchen. After not eating all day, I was starving. I flicked on the radio and opened the freezer.

"If I had alarmed you I didn't try." I sang as I grabbed some mozzarella sticks out of the freezer.

"I've got to be honest, I'm terrified to fly blind." I sang as I searched for a paper plate. I tossed a few of the frozen sticks on the plate and popped it in the microwave.

"The hunters, the hunted." I sang along with the music as I opened the fridge and pulled out some spaghetti sauce to dip my sticks in.

I poured some in a bowl and put the jar back in the refrigerator. I mumbled along with the song as my mozzarella sticks rotated in the microwave.

I had never felt like this before. I felt like I… needed him. I shouldn't feel like this. Its only been five days. Five measly days! I shouldn't need him. I shouldn't even like him.

What happened to hating Paul? When did that go away?

I couldn't remember when I stopped hating Paul. Sure he annoyed the hell out of me sometimes, but I didn't hate the guy.

I sighed. I didn't know what to do.

Jay would know what to do, but it's not like I can ask him. I wish I could.

The microwave beeped but suddenly I didn't feel so hungry.

I ate anyway. Sitting at the kitchen table, chewing my food absentmindedly, I thought more on my problem.

After eating I hurried off to bed. I slipped into some pajamas before slipping in between the covers. I turned on my alarm before laying down.

I couldn't fall asleep. An hour later I was still up thinking about Paul.

**(A/N: Review me and tell me what you think. If you haven't guessed, or figured it out, Greg is Kara's old Best friend and her drunken first time. And Kara has yet more problems, did any one catch the hint? As well, you guys should check out the song, it relates well to what Kara was thinking. Best Laid Plans by We The Living. Great song.)**


	12. Chapter 12

**I know it's been a while but... shit happens. Most of it to me and after a series of unfortunate events (snort) left me with no time or no computer. Not to mention an acute case of writers block for all twilight fan fiction. But several things have happened since we last had the pleasure of conversing. 1st (the reason I was without a computer) I tried to move out of my house. Failed miserably and got grounded. And 2nd I had my birthday. Luckily in the month of November conveniently located around the Twilight movie. So I'm back and (hopefully) better than ever.  
**

**I don't own Twilight**

**Read, Review and as always Enjoy!**

Stare

I slept through Government. In my defense I had tried to stay awake. But as soon as Mr. McGregor had said the word 'economy' (in his very monotone voice) my head had hit the desk. I was that exhausted.

I hadn't gotten much sleep last night with my stomach in the condition it was, not to mention I couldn't get a certain someone out of my mind. I think it's getting worse. Correction, it is getting worse and lying to myself isn't helping.

Of course today was the one day McGregor paid attention to his students, so I got detention.

Which I where I happened to be at this very moment, chin resting on my cast in the health room.

The health room was probably the most defaced room in the school. The graffiti that graced its walls proved half the schools idiocy. I wondered why I hadn't gotten my GED online like Jay had. My side throbbed painfully as I thought of him. I knew I should go see him… but I couldn't bear to accept this for what it really was.

The possibility that I would lose my brother was almost too much to stand. Too much like my wait in the waiting room.

It was still too real.

The last bell rang and junior high students sprinted to their lockers. I sighed and pulled myself out of the wobbling desk and toward the door. Mr. McGregor waved me out.

No one noticed me as I made my way outside to the deserted parking lot. I pulled my hood over my head as the drizzle soaked into my sweatshirt. My feet were heavy and so were my shoulders. It was like the ground was trying to drag me down, or drag me under and bury me alive.

My thoughts strayed to a bottle of pills in my medicine cabinet. I imagined them sliding down my throat and the almost glowing feeling as they took effect. The lightness they gave off. The almost bliss.

I shook my head. It was better this way. It was better know I felt how I felt, not how something made me feel.

I was so caught up with my thoughts I didn't see him leaning against the hood of my car.

The first words out of my mouth weren't nice but it happened to be the first thing that came to my mind. "Did your hunk of shit break down?"

A grin spread across his face. "No."

I raised an eyebrow.

He chuckled and his tone turned sour, almost as if were hard for him to admit his words. "Last time I left you alone…" he trailed off, his hand shaking lightly.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and unlocked the car. Why he was angry was beyond me. I hit the button and unlocked the passenger's side before sliding in. I closed my door and he closed his.

I did a double take. How in the-?

"I can't believe you got detention Kara." he shook his head with an impish smile. He was trying to distract me.

Because I know I didn't just imagine that. I gave him a calculating look, trying to figure out any solution. I saw his jaw tighten as his smile became forced, as he waited for me to call him out. His eyes were worried.

I looked back to the windshield and I turned the key in the ignition. I didn't bother to put my seatbelt on. I was still distracted by what just happened.

What did just happen?

Something entirely unnatural and physically impossible. There was no way he could have gotten around the car that fast and opened the door and slid in. Because he was standing right next to me when I had slid in my seat.

I pulled out of the parking lot without another word. And it wasn't until I got halfway to the highway before I dared to look at him. It was just a glance out of my peripheral vision. He was still tense, jaw still tight though the forced smile had vanished. His hand was curled into a fist on his leg, it was shaking.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked. This seemed to break him out of his angry state.

"Uh…" he was drawing up a blank. I don't think he thought this all the way through. "Your house. " He looked around outside.

"Thanks for telling me sooner." I said irritated as I flicked on my turn signal and pulled an illegal u-turn.

"You seemed… thoughtful. I didn't want to bother you." he shrugged.

"You mean I seemed suspicious." I mumbled under my breath to myself.

"What would you have to be suspicious about?" his question was too innocent.

I threw him a withering glare.

"Listen Kara-" he started before I cut him off.

"Don't 'listen Kara' me." I snapped angrily. It was obvious now that he wouldn't tell me. I shouldn't care that he was keeping secrets from me, since I was keeping secrets from him, but it bothered me.

He sulked.

"Well?" I prompted, feeling the anger building.

"I can't tell you yet." he mumbled.

"Why not?" my voice was calm, but I wasn't.

"Because I can't!" he snapped loudly. He was shaking.

"Fine." I said quietly, I pulled over to the side of the road.

"What are y-?"

"Get out." my voice was monotone, emotionless. I didn't look at him.

"Oh, come on Kara." his voice wasn't angry anymore.

"Out." my voice was louder, my tone angrier.

"I want to tell you." he said. It wasn't his words that made me look at him; it was how he said them. Pleading, pained.

His eyes silently begged me not to do this. Not to push him away.

"Then why don't you?" my tone was icy. I should have just kicked him out. Out of my car and out of my life.

But I didn't want to.

All I've ever done was what I had to. Sure I've broken rules and done things I shouldn't have. But those things all turned out better.

And I wanted this to turn out better.

I wanted to know him.

And I've never wanted something so much.

Because when I'm with him I feel like I've swallowed an entire bottle of antidepressants. It's almost perfect, almost complete bliss. I'm happy. And I can't remember a time I've been this happy.

He closed his eyes, almost like he was in pain. "Because… you're not ready yet." I almost didn't hear it. That hurt, stung painfully at my feelings.

"What makes you think that?" my voice wavered only slightly.

"Kara..." his voice was soft as he opened his eyes and his hand crept toward mine. I pulled my hand away.

"Whatever." I snapped my turn signal on and speed back on the road with a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. I tried to brush it off like it didn't matter. But it did. I turned the corner faster than I should have in my irritation.

"Kara…" Paul's voice was soft. He was trying to start a feelings talk-or a comfort talk-, and I wasn't having it. I turned into my driveway sharply and slammed on my brakes. I turned the car off and yanked open my door before walking to my door as fast as I could. I didn't like talks like that and I avoided them at all cost.

"Kara, wait!" he called after me, but I didn't stop.

"I don't like talks like this." I muttered angrily while I tried to unlock my front door.

"Talks like what?" he asked from behind me.

"Like the talk you're trying to start." I opened my front door and stepped inside.

"You're dismissing your feelings again."

"And you sound like my therapist." I slammed the door behind me.

It was a minute before he could respond. "You have a therapist?" His tone was disbelieving.

"Where I come from they're all the rage." My tone was cynical and spiteful.

There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the door.

"Kara, open the door."

"Why?" I snapped.

"Because if you don't I'll break it down."

"I'd like to see you try." I scoffed a little amused.

"Is that a challenge?" he was still serious.

"No, break down my door and I'll call the cops."

"Then open the goddamn door." His voice was strained.

"I doubt that god damned my front door."

"Kara!" his voice was angry.

"Paul!" I matched his tone, mockingly. He turned the door handle and tried to push it open but I leaned back and put all my weight into it. Unfortunately he was stronger than I was and eventually pushed it open.

"I could call the cops. You're breaking and entering." I threatened.

He pinned me against the wall with an arm on either side of me. He brought his face closer to mine. "But you won't."

"Why? Are you going to stop me?" I asked though I did my best to leave the curiosity out of my voice. I vaguely wondered how this fight started, or what in fact we were fighting about anymore. I think it might have changed some point.

"Why? Do you want me to?" Paul asked. I could feel his breath on my face hot and moist like the air on a humid day. I bet he knew what we were fighting about at this point in time but I was stubborn to ask him. Instead I kissed him.

Anger was a passionate emotion and I decided it needed a passionate outlet. Paired with the fact that he was just so close and far too tempting, made it impossible to resist.

**(A/N: So yell at me for having a crappy life and tell me what you thought about the 'nothing' fight. (Dane Cook joke) )**


	13. Chapter 13

**So Happy New Years! (and I am aware that the actual holiday is over) You guys will never guess what crazy ass thing I did. I dyed my hair BLUE! Only I have brown hair that's never been bleached so it turned out a little greenish. But a really cool green. I know, I know, I'm so AWESOME.  
**

**So I've had noting better to do than give you guys another chapter. The first one for this year.  
**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review, and as always, Enjoy!**

Fear

After school on Friday I went to the hospital. Actually I went to Jay's room and stood in the threshold, to afraid to enter. The fear paralyzed me and took hold of my throat threatening to choke me to death if I dared move any closer.

Paige was there staring puffy-eyed at him. He wasn't responding like he had Tuesday. He just laid there, limp and fading. A nurse walked in and changed an IV that had been getting low before practically jogging to get out of the room. I didn't blame her, the tension and grief was palatable.

The light in the corner still flickered making the room look dark and sinister. It was something out of a horror movie, or my greatest nightmares come to life.

"Jay" it was the only thing I could say, and even then it was just a whisper. The foreign figure on the bed –the person who wore my brother's face- frowned slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching downwards ever so slightly. I gripped the door frame for support while Paige grasped Jay's hand tightly.

"Jason." She whispered hopefully. I could feel the bile in my throat as the chemicals in the hospital mixed with the fear in my stomach. I didn't know what would happen to Paige if -or when-something happened to Jason.

"Miss Green?" a timid nurse asked from behind me. She was short with mousy features and a fearful expression. Of course my mind jumped to the worst possible explanation.

"What?" my voice was hoarse.

"Your brother's doctor would like to speak with you." She said quietly. "Follow me."

She took off down the hallway and I followed her after a remorseful glance at Jay. She led me to a little room, which is never a good thing in my opinion, and left me alone with two doctors.

"Hello Miss Green." One doctor smiled at me. His skin was pale as paper and his eyes and hair as golden as sunlight. "My name is Dr. Cullen; I'm your brother's doctor." I threw an inquiring glance at the other doctor who looked far more nervous, twitching every so often.

"I'm Dr. Gillner, Chief Resident." He twitched and cleared his throat.

"We were wondering about your brother's medical history. I know that you answered all the basic questions to nurse Tisdale but I'm afraid your brother's condition is at a standstill.

"It's quite the medical anomaly. To have a patient with this type of coma, one that's so much like a vegetative state that I was wondering if you would allow my residents to perform some tests on Jason. All you would have to do is simply sign a form." Dr. Gillner spoke quickly.

"What kind of tests?" my tone was cold.

"A brain biopsy." he twitched.

It took a moment for me to process that. "You want to drill into my brother's brain and take a chunk out?" my tone questioned his sanity; the look I gave him spelled murder.

He attempted to give me an answer but his stuttering made it impossible to understand him.

I turned my glared on Dr. Cullen. "Do you want to rip a chunk of my brother's brain out?"

"Me? Heaven's no. I'd just like to know if your brother had any past conditions that we should be aware of. Something you may have forgotten to mention earlier this week?"

"No." my tone was cold, indifferent.

"Then I would ask for your permission to test some illnesses that could have caused his coma."

"Sure." I muttered and Dr. Cullen passed me a clipboard. "This is for the blood work, right?" I scanned it to make sure t wasn't for the brain biopsy.

"That's correct." Dr. Cullen nodded. My jaw tightened and I took a deep breath before signing.

"Thank you Miss Green, you are free to leave." Dr. Gillner stuttered.

"Actually, I have a question."

"And what is your question?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"Can I give blood? For him, I mean." I tapped my fingers anxiously against the side of the chair.

"It wouldn't help him any." The Chief Resident said with pity in his eyes. A sigh escaped me and I stood before briskly leaving the room.

I headed down long white hallways, past nurse's stations and elderly people in wheelchairs toward the promise of the parking lot. I walked too fast to look casual or even comfortable in my surroundings. I just wanted to get out. Because knowing I couldn't do anything for Jay was so painful, so soul destroying.

When I got in my car I dug in my purse searching for a stress reliever and found it crumpled in the very bottom. I fished out the pack of cigarettes and a liter from a side pocket. I lit up and took a long, deep drag. Smoke scorched my throat and burned my lungs, my head swam in nicotine. It was almost an instant headache, fueled by nicotine and memories I couldn't shake. Memories I thought I had gotten rid of a long time ago. I coughed up a cloud of smoke and open my door before dropping the cigarette to the ground. I leaned over with my head out of the car thinking that I might vomit.

Once the noxiousness had swarmed out of my car in a bluish haze I sat back and massaged my temples. Stupid habit, no wonder I quit. I dug a bottom of aspirin and a pack of mints out of my purse. One pill and five mints later I was on the road and homeward bound.

When I finally got home I crashed on my couch. The house was a mess; pop cans littered the coffee table, my jacket was lying on the floor, and there was a mountain of dishes in the kitchen sink but I didn't feel like cleaning. In fact I didn't feel like doing anything, so I just laid there. My head still throbbed a little from my nicotine attack in the hospital parking lot and my jeans were cutting into my side.

A sigh filled the dim living room, a sign that its occupant needed a distraction. If I could manage that I might actually be able to sleep more than three hours tonight.

I rolled off the couch and headed for the bathroom hoping a shower might help. The first thing to come off was my jeans, which I left in a denim puddle on the living room; the next was my t-shirt which I left outside the bathroom door. I flicked on the water and cranked it as hot as it would go. I finished undressing and stepped into the line of water. My natural reaction was to jump back out from under it. But I forced myself to stay under the stream. I washed my hair and worried about what I was going to eat for dinner, since I had eaten all the leftovers last night.

The water worked well on my tense shoulders and after a while it didn't seem torturous to stand under flow coming from the shower head. The heat was almost comforting, until Paul's cocky smile flashed into my thoughts. The heat of the water was far too much like the temperature of his skin. A blush crept across my face at the realization.

A knock on the door broke me from my thoughts. "Shit" I mumbled to myself.

"One minute!" I called loudly in attempts to be heard over the water. I jumped out of the shower and ran to my room, throwing on some comfortable clothes as quickly as I could. A knock sounded again and I rushed to the front door while pulling a shirt over my head.

I opened the door and my eyes widened when I saw Paul standing outside with a pizza in hand. The blush returned to my face when I saw his cocky grin.

"Well, hello." He glanced past me and must have caught site of my jeans in the middle of the living room because his smile grew.

"Hi." I said a little embarrassed though I shouldn't have been, it's not like he knew I had been thinking about him in the shower. But it's not like I had meant to.

"Can I come in?" he asked. I glanced back at the house, almost a little guilty.

Paul's tone tightened and he glared back at my house- almost like he was searching for guys clothes on my floor- as his grip tightened on the pizza box. "Or am I interrupting something?"

I rolled my eyes at that and walked across the living room, leaving the door open for him. I scooped up my jeans and my shirt before disappearing into the bathroom where I gathered up the rest of my clothes and shut off the water.

I dumped my clothes in the laundry and hurried out into the kitchen were Paul was leaning against the counter with a piece of pizza in his hand. She takes a piece of her own out of the open box on the kitchen table before hopping on to the counter next to Paul.

"I'm sorry I overreacted." He apologized with his mouth full turning to look at her with those hypnotic eyes. I shrugged.

"I just don't like the idea…." He trailed off.

I didn't like to admit it, but I understood. I didn't want to think about Paul and his… conquests. It was odd though, that I should feel that way.

Another shrug was my answer as I took a large bite of pizza and ran a hand through my wet hair. My shirt clung to my body from putting it on while I was still wet, and the back was soaked from my hair.

"So…" she started around a mouthful of pizza, not bothering to be civil. "What does that make us?" I asked though I was positively terrified of the answer. I stuffed more pizza in my mouth so I wouldn't have to elaborate. He seemed to get the picture.

Setting the piece of pepperoni on the beige counter he met my steady gaze. His expression was serious, not amused like I had been expecting. It threw me off causing me to swallow my mouthful of pizza nosily.

"It depends, what do you want us to be?" he asked. Instead of answering like an adult I took another bite of pizza.

You're a coward, my more reasonable side sighed.

Shut up, my irrational side argued childishly, the tone similar to that of a toddler sticking their tongue out.

Just tell him, she argued back, annoyed as hell. She wanted me to tell him that dating was what we wanted, and honestly she was right. She just wasn't in control right now. I idly wondered when she had changed sides, I remembered a week ago when she had been yelling at Irrational Side. Funny how I didn't find arguing with myself odd, which in retrospect, probably said something about my sanity.

Make me, was my irrational side's defense.

Oh, very mature-

I cut off the argument because I was tired of hearing my inner conscious-es fighting and swallowed my pizza. Paul grabbed my arm before I could attempt to shove more pizza in my mouth.

"Kara." He sighed, giving me a serious look.

I honestly didn't want to lie to him, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth, so I hedged.

"What do you want us to be?" It was a simple question, but I was interested in what the answer would be. Though looking back, I should have known.

He took my pizza from me and set it down on the counter next to his before moving in front of me with his forearms resting on either side of my legs. One of his hands curved around to the small of my back and pulled me toward the edge of the counter, while the other slid in my wet hair and brought my face closer to his.

"I want us to be… something. Anything, really, as long as there's an us to be." He smirked a little.

"Poetic." I attempted to sound dry, but came off sounding breathless.

"But what I _really_ want is…" he tone was suggestive and as he spoke the hand on the small of my back slipped under my shirt, resting on my skin -fingers splayed- as hot as the water in my shower. My breathing hitched slightly, just loud enough for his smirk to grow into a full blown grin.

I knew where this could lead to, but was unsure –and nervous, for that matter- if I wanted it to go that far. But the possibility had my head reeling and her heart pounding like a speaker at a rock concert; loud and consuming.

"You never did answer my question."

"Uh…" I was hesitant to answer.

"Be honest." His tone was soft, even when his smile was suggestive.

I turned my gaze away from his, ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I was afraid of what this would mean. It reminded me of one of the things my aunt had told me before I had moved out of her house. _Everyone will hurt you Kara; you just have to decide who's worth the pain_.

Was Paul worth the pain?

He slipped his hand out of my wet hair and gently moved my chin, making me look at him. Fear gripped me tightly, making it hard to breath.

"I don't want to be hurt again." I said softly. His expression softened.

"I don't want to hurt you."

I trusted him, I really did, but I didn't trust myself. And I didn't trust my past which was waving a red flag, screaming at me with every bad memory it could summon that this was a bad idea. That it was a very, terrible, horrible idea.

I had to ask myself again: was Paul worth the pain? I opened the discussion for my conscious-es and for the first time in a very long time they actually agreed on something.

**(Ohhhhhh, hot damn! What a cliffy! I really didn't see that one coming! So you guys were probubly wondering what happened after they kissed last chapter. It really wasn't anything so, I skiped it, cuz this DEMANED to be written.)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, guys. Here is an update. I would also like to inform you that I have another story up. No Simpler Truth and Jake/Nessie one shot. I am also thinking about a Kim/Jared fan fic. I'm working on it. Please tell me if you guys are interested. Kim won't be obsessed, with the idea I have in mind she'll be really down to earth (not to mention, awesome).  
**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review, and always Enjoy!**

Realization

Yes. Paul Walker was worth whatever pain he would put me through. Whatever that pain might be, no matter how intense or vicious. I felt the truth through a sharp pain in my ribcage; it burned and coiled itself around my chest.

I couldn't say it though; try as I might to get the words out. Minutes passed and I couldn't say it, I couldn't say anything. The words were caught in my throat, tangled in knots on my tongue.

"Call me when you can say it." Paul said angrily before dropping my chin. He turned and made his way out of my kitchen. And all I could do was sit there and watch him go, my skin going cold without his insane temperature.

I don't know what gave me the courage to slip off the counter and go after him but I will thank it forever. "Paul, stop, don't go." I stumbled after him, almost desperate to catch him before he vanished into thin air. My legs didn't seem to work quite right, weak kneed from the close encounter.

"Than say it." He rounded on me in the living room, getting right in my face; only inches away. "Or are you going to toy with me?" His hands were shaking but his eyes were upset. It was impossible to be angry at him when he looked at me like that.

"What do you mean? Why are you leaving?" My voice was soft, my brow crinkled in confusion.

"Because I can't stand to have you mess with my heart, Kara." I have never seen a man closer to tears than Paul was. Not even Jay.

"I'm not, I swear I'm not." I tried to make him understand, tried to make him see this from my point of view. It was pointless really, because no one can understand me without understanding my past, and I wasn't ready for confessions quite yet.

"Then tell me!" He yelled. "Tell me if you want to be with me or not. Just don't have me spill my guts and stand around looking like an idiot while you can't answer a simple question."

That made sense. I was a bitch yanking people around by their emotions. I was cold and heartless and Paul shouldn't be here with me now. He should have given up long ago and realized he was better than I was. He should realize that he is so much better than I could ever be.

But for some reason he was still hear, and I found myself so very grateful that he didn't realize it. _So_ _very grateful_.

"Look I'm sorry. I know you don't understand, but I just can't say it." My tone was exasperated.

"Can't or won't, Kara?" his hands stopped shaking. His voice was desperate.

"I want to, I really do, but I can't." I pleaded; something I never did.

"Why can't you?" His voice was angry.

"Because _everyone_ I have _ever _cared about has hurt me." My tone was soft but angry, and I couldn't bear look at him when I said it. "And I don't want you to be one of them."

"I won't hurt you." He said quietly in a way that made me look at him.

"Yes, you will." I whispered. He wouldn't mean to, but someday he would.

"What makes you think that?" he was shaking again; just a slight tremor to his hand. I should have found it odd that I could notice it, when I knew most people wouldn't pick it up, but I didn't.

"History makes me think that." I said bitterly.

"Let me in and I will _prove_ to you that I won't." his voice was fierce.

"I… I don't…" I struggled for the right words but found there was a lack of them.

"Why can't you just say you want me around?" he growled in frustration.

"Why would I have stopped you if I didn't want you around?" My voice was quite, but as far from timid as you could get.

This threw him through a loop. He blinked twice before answering. "I don't know. Maybe you like torturing me."

It was like he had verbally slapped me, I blanched. "Do you really think I'm that heartless?"

"No, of course not!" He was angry, it showing in the tremor of his hand that shook a bit more. "I didn't mean it like that."

I sighed, a little resigned. "I want you around Paul." I admitted.

He got closer and wrapped his arms around me. "Do you really mean that?"

"Yeah" I breathed against his chest, content with the fact that I was surrounded by his warmth and scared by the fact that I didn't want it any other way. As afraid as I was, I forced myself not to pull away. I forced myself to not be scared. Though fear isn't something you can force away without the will to do it.

I wasn't quite sure I had the will.

I was tired, very much so. My eyelids drooped and the entire day crashed down on me and in combination with how little I slept last night -or the night before- I was lucky I didn't pass out. Instead I swayed on my feet, blinking drowsily. I yawned against Paul's chest and leaned against him.

"You're exhausted." He commented looking down at me. I nodded in confirmation before rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying in vain to wake them up. Every cell in my body begged for sleep.

"I've had about seven hours of sleep in the last three days." I yawned again, louder now.

"You need to go to bed." His voice was sure as he pulled me toward my room. I resisted.

I shook my head. "No." I rubbed at my eyes again. "I won't be able to fall asleep."

He laughed at that. "You're about to pass out, Kara. Come one, time for bed."

"It doesn't matter. I still won't get any sleep." I slurred, dizzy with fatigue.

"Why can't you sleep at night?" he asked with worried eyes.

I laughed without humor. My jaw tightened slightly in my effort to sound indifferent. "You can't guess?"

"Oh." His brows crumpled together. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Another yawn escaped me.

He sighed and scooped me up. It took a second for the surprise of the floor being shifted from under my feet to understand what he was doing.

"Put me down. I'm perfectly capable of walking."

"Sure you are." He mumbled as he carried me to my room. I sulked, droopy eyed, in his arms. He set me on the bed and pulled the covers up around me a soft smile on his lips.

"What am I? Two? Why are you tucking me in?" I groaned.

"For reactions like that." He chuckled before kissing me.

He turned to leave and I… didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay. I gasped at his shirt and got a fistful in my hand. When it tugged at him he glanced back at me. Sitting up on my elbows I looked at him and uttered words I didn't know I had in me. "Don't go. Stay, please."

He thought about it for a minute before he walked around the bed to the other side and kicked off his shoes. "Until you fall asleep." He clarified before crawling in and pulling me over to him.

I laid my head on his chest, and fell asleep to the sound of his heart beating below my ear and the warmth of his arm around my waist.

-

I woke up too warm with the bright afternoon light in my eyes. It was an anomaly because I usually woke up too cold; shivering and grasping for blankets in the dark.

I heard snoring and a heartbeat that wasn't my own. Last night came back to me slowly and I cracked open an eye, just to see if it was really him. To see if he had really stayed.

It was, of course, and I couldn't help smiling to myself. I lifted my head up and noticed he wasn't wearing his shirt anymore. His forehead wrinkled and he curled me closer to him subconsciously, burying his face in my hair.

"Kara" he mumbled, still asleep; his voice as content as I felt. My heart melted at his voice, at the serenity of his face in his sleep. I reached over –hesitant for fear of waking him- and brushed the tips of my fingers across his cheek. His skin was like satin, like liquid copper –only a bit redder. I had never seen Paul look so peaceful, so happy, and so… ridiculously beautiful.

My fingers lingered on his face and I must have woken him up.

His hand enclosed mine and it pressed my palm against his face gently. His dark eyes opened and a lazy smile crept onto his face. "Good morning."

It was in that moment -that insanely perfect moment- that I realized something that was undeniably significant. Something that was both wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Something I really should have figured out sooner.

I was in love with Paul Walker.

**(A/N: Soooooo? What do you think? You hate me for the cliffy, don't you? Well, reviews=insparation to write faster. Just so you know.)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Is the world ending! Two updates in two days. Crazy, I know. But I was sick today and had time to write.**

**This is in Paul's POV.**

**You guys are going to hate me, but it is important to the plot that this 'event' has to happen. And no gutter minds, no sex.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review (cause I NEED feedback for this chapter), and try to enjoy. Be warned, you might cry. I did and I'm the hardcore writer who knew it was going to happen. **

Paul

I had never held a girl in my arms like this. Oh, sure, I had held girls before. But never like this.

Normally we would fuck and I would wait until she fell asleep before I snuck out. I didn't like thinking back to my conquests, because just the thought made my skin crawl. I was ashamed, so very ashamed of myself. But the past was the past and I really couldn't change it.

I had never held a girl while she was sleeping before. Except Claire, once, but she was three at the time and I really didn't think that counted.

Kara was so peaceful when she slept. All the sarcasm and cynicism just disappeared, she looked almost innocent. She looked almost like an angel, though Kara could never really be considered an angel she was far too argumentative for that. But I didn't mind, because I wouldn't have her any other way. I brushed my lips across her forehead and smiled in contentment.

Was this love? Because, I never would have thought it could be like this. This wasn't just imprinting anymore. This was love. Because no one could stand up to me like she could, and no one could have the fire that Kara has. No one could understand being broken like Kara could.

So naturally I dreaded the moment I had to leave. I wished I could just tell Sam to suck it and stay with Kara but I couldn't do that. With Jake, Leah, and Seth gone we needed all of the original Pack to patrol as often as we could. Especially with the Cullens so close and all their bloodsucking friends stopping by for visits we didn't want to be caught off guard.

More than a little reluctant, I slid out of her bed and left her asleep. I retreated into the kitchen and put the pizza in her fridge before eating the two pieces on the counter. Flicking the lights off as I made my way to the front door I thought about the bitter girl lying in the other room. A room that was far messier than the first time I had been in there. I paused at the door and threw a glance at her room wishing that I could stay. And whishing even more that I understood why she didn't look that peaceful when she was awake.

With a sigh I walked out, closing the door behind me, unlocked. I would come back because even now -a few steps away from the house- I could feel the tug in my stomach. I could feel the gravity begging me to go back.

I didn't go as far into the forest as I should have, but it was dark and I was far too anxious to get my patrol over and get back to Kara to care. Getting undressed took longer than it normally did, since I had to wear a shirt and jeans when I was around my imprint. Thankfully I had forgotten my shoes at her house; they were probably camouflaged by the piles of clothes spilling out from her closet. I wondered vaguely why she wasn't cleaning since Paige had told me Kara cleaned when she was upset. When my clothes where off I slipped them between my thigh and the tie that held them in place when I ran.

Phasing was simple, like breathing. I just let the anger take me in a flash of red. It was like nothing I could ever describe. It was animalistic and consuming. Like I was being turned inside out, or like something was exploding out of me. It was right out of my worst nightmare and my greatest dream all at the same time. Terrifying and amazing.

It was fast too, a complete rush. One second I was human and the next I was a wolf.

I stretched out and listened to who was out tonight.

Quil was miles away, along the coastline southbound. Sam was near Seattle with Collin and Brady following after him. I pushed myself north determined to get this over with so I could get back to Kara.

_"What are you doing Paul?"_ Sam sighed as he dodged trees. _"Would you two hurry up back there?" _He directed the former to the two runts behind him.

Collin and Brady grumbled complaints and sped up trying to keep up with their Alpha. Though personally I thought it was a wasted effort because only four people could keep up with Sam.

_"Running, what else."_ I grumbled thinking of the girl lying asleep in her bed and how much I wanted to be with her.

_"__Her__ bed?"_ Quil asked startled, if not a little impressed. The implication was clear.

_"__Nothing__ happened." _I growled not only in my mind but out loud as well.

_"Hey, chill man."_ Quil thought defensively.

_"Paul you're a dumbass."_ Sam groaned.

_"Why?"_ I asked uninterested and a bit annoyed -unlike Quil who was chuckling- while my legs pounded the earth beneath my paws. Green flashed past me in a blur of ferns and trees covered in moss.

_"Go back, man. We can deal with patrol without you." _Sam thought as he rounded around a patch of dense trees and started to make his way back to the reservation.

_"Really, you're serious?"_ I asked as I slowed down, ridiculously hopeful if not a little disbelieving.

_"Yeah, but you owe me."_

Without another word I turned around and headed back to Kara running faster than before.

_"Oh,"_ Quil commented, a little surprised when he heard my thoughts. _"She does look peaceful when she's asleep."_

I would have snapped at him, but I was almost to her house. Anticipation pooled in my gut and I pushed myself faster. I just wanted her back in my arms, sooner rather than later.

_"Paul the heartfelt romantic… I never would have pegged you as the–Nugh!" _Collin'scomment was cut off by a foot to the stomach.

_"Thanks Sam."_ I thought finally reaching the place where I had started before phasing. I quickly put on my shorts and took off in the direction of her house, my shirt in my fist. Opting to jog rather than walk made the trip faster and I was back in her house in a few minutes. I slipped in quietly and locked the deadbolt behind me.

When I got into her room I tossed my shirt on top of my shoes and watched her –the way her brow was crinkled and her fingers grasped at the sheets fruitlessly- for a moment before crawling in bed next to her. I lifted her head gently and laid it back on my chest, right above my heart. And it was like nothing had happened. Sure, the pizza was in the fridge –and my stomach- and the lights in the other room were off but nothing had changed.

It was the same feeling. The same utter bliss. It was the same contentment washing over me. It was knowing that I could spend the rest of my life with Kara. It was love.

She might be bitter and she might be broken. She might be cold and cynical and sarcastic. But even if she was all those things, she was still my everything.

I loved Kara, and I knew that even if I hadn't imprinted on her that day so many months ago that I still would have fallen for her.

And it was the comfort of knowing that no matter what, I would never have missed out on this that had me slip into unconsciousness with a smile on my face and the girl that I loved in my arms.

-

I woke up to the feeling of her fingertips on my faces. It was a caress, which left me very confused. At first I thought I was still dreaming, after all, at least that made sense. Kara never made any sense, but maybe that was why she was my soul mate. After all, I don't make any sense.

I took her hand in mine and thought of how small it was in comparison. Everything about Kara was small, except for her attitude which was larger than life. I smiled and opened my eyes. She was practically glowing. Though it was probably due to the fact the afternoon sunlight was shining through her blinds and picking her the highlights in her copper skin, which was far lighter than mine.

Though there wasn't something right to this picture. Maybe it was grogginess from just waking up or maybe I was just hallucinating. But, for a moment -just a second- I thought I saw something flash in her hazel eyes -that were more brown than blue today- that made caught me by surprise.

But, before I could tell what it really was it was buried as deep as a casket in a grave. It was covered by an emotion I knew only too well. Because I had felt it more than I was willing to admit; back when I was six and my mother cried over a husband who didn't care -drowning herself in alcohol to numb the pain. Because what I saw in Kara's eyes was a fear so intense that it crushed a part of my soul.

She opened her mouth to say something -probably to kick me out of her bed, or out of her house. Maybe it would have been sarcastic or indifferent but I'll never know. Because at that very moment her phone rang –loud and obnoxious. She scrambled out of bed and raced into the other room seeming grateful for an excuse to get away.

I could hear the woman on the other line easily enough, an indifferent alto with a grave message to send to Miss Green about her brother.

His condition had worsened. He had died in the middle of the night and been placed on a bypass machine so that she may say good bye.

I raced into the other room and saw her knees give out and the complete devastation on her face as she crumpled to the ground.

**(A/N: See what I meant about crying. It's sad it is. But the sadness has not ended. Review, please?)**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm sorry. I really am. I know I'm a jerk, but it had to happen. You'll see.**

**What happens now, well has to happen too. You just have to trust me.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, and Review.**

Goodbye

I didn't know how I got here, standing in front of my brothers dead body with tear stained cheeks. If asked, I couldn't tell you. Though, I did have my guesses.

I think Paul must have brought me, since he was still here.

I remember the phone call and then… it all just goes blank.

And here I had been wishing it was all a bad dream, a practical joke. But, it wasn't.

Everything was so really. Everything hurt.

"Why?" I grasped his hand and was surprised. It was warmer than I thought it would be. Must be from the bypass machine. I had expected ice.

I sobbed.

I sobbed for the brother I knew, for the person I loved, the twin I had lost, and a fallen Blue Jay. All one in the same.

_This is what you get for loving people._

Pain, pain, and more pain. Would it ever end?

My knees collapsed to the floor, and I kept Jay's hand in my death grip.

"Ja-son" I couldn't breathe though my tears, causing his name to be broken. Like he was. Like my heart was. "Why?"

It had never hurt this much. Nobody had ever been closer to me than Jay. No one knew me better. I felt like half of me was missing.

I was a sobbing, miserable, broken mess holding my dead brother's hand.

Paul wrapped his arms around me and tried to comfort me. Tried being the key word, because no one could do or say anything to me that would make this better. I would find no solace today.

"Jason, Jay, my twin, my Blue Jay." I sobbed in a mantra, consumed by grief for what seemed like hours. It probably was.

_This is what you get for letting people in._

When the tears were gone, I was an empty shell. Void of every and all emotion. Numb to the very core.

I still had Jason's hand clasped in mine, and the image of his dead body on the hospital bed forever engrained in my mind.

_This is all my fault._

And it was. If I hadn't been drinking after Gram's death, I wouldn't have had sex with Greg. And if that wouldn't have happened then we wouldn't have moved to La Push. And it we wouldn't have moved Jason would have never hydroplaned on the rain slicked roads of Washington.

But it did. And now Jay was dead.

It was all my fault.

_All my fault._

This realization caused more sobs and caused Paul to pull me closer to him.

I dropped Jay's hand and pushed at Paul's chest, sucking in my tears. I wouldn't cry.

"Get away from me!" I pushed with all the strength I could muster.

"Kara…." his voice was pained, but I didn't care. That was a lie. I did care. I cared too much. Which was why I had to let him go. I needed to save him from me. And it had to be now, because if I didn't do it now, I would never have the strength to do it. If I didn't do it now, I would never let him go.

_If you can't let him go, he'll end up just like Jay. Just like Tara. Just like Grams. He won't just hurt you; he'll leave you, in the most permanent way._

I couldn't let that happen.

"Get away!" My voice was louder, and broke twice.

"Don't do this, Kara." he whispered.

"Leave!" I shoved and I pushed and finally broke away from him.

"Don't do this!" he pleaded, reaching for me. I moved farther away from him.

"I never want to see you again. Go! Leave!"

"I love you, Kara, don't do this, please." My heart twisted with his word. And it made it all the harder say what I had to make him leave.

"If you love me then you'll leave. If you love me, you won't come back." The words were cold, they had to be. He had to leave. He wouldn't be like Dad, Greg, or even Mom. If he stayed, he would end up six feet under. I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't let that happen.

I squeezed his eyes shut for a minute. When he opened them a tear leaked out, which he quickly brushed away. He leaned over me, and I let him pressed his lips to mine for a salty goodbye kiss. A last kiss.

And then he left.

I contained the sobs as long - biting my fist and tearing at my hair- as I could as the pain lashed across my heart. I didn't want him to hear, didn't want him to know, how much it hurt me to let him go.

But I couldn't control them for long.

My nails clawed at my skin as I tried to scratch out my heart. Trying to get the one thing out that hurt the most.

How could one this suffer so much and still beat?

I couldn't even begin to understand this pain, but I understood enough.

Enough to have me sobbing hysterically on the hospital floor, scratching my skin. Anything to stop the pain.

The nurses eventually sedated me and omitted me. Afraid that in my weakened mental and emotional state that I would hurt myself.

Little did they know that I already had. In the worst possible way.

Because, by making Paul leave, I shattered the already broken pieces of my heart.


	17. Chapter 17

**Update! Random I know, but feel lucky. I almost decided to wait a few days before posting. Blame the awesomeness of the Foo Fighters. A writer needs her inspiration from somewhere. :)  
**

**The next chapter will be from Paul's point of view.**

**Someone told me I should compare Old Kara to New Kara, and that is kind of what this chapter is about. Kara returning to her old ways as a way to deal with Jay's death. Lighter than the last chapter.  
**

**I don't own Twilight.  
**

**Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

Drunk

They discharged me in the morning when my aunt arrived.

She hadn't changed at all. Dark tired eyes, and worry written all over her face. A face that reminded me too much of my mother. She bustled in and couldn't sit still. Aunt Shelia was always in motion, working, cleaning, and just doing.

I couldn't bring myself to smile at her. Not after yesterday. And she seemed to understand.

The cold Washington rain seemed comforting to my skin when we stepped though the double doors. Aunt Shelia fussed and tried to get her umbrella open, finally giving up with a sigh.

"We have to get to the airport in two hours." she told me as she made her way to a rental. She hopped in the car and I followed in suit, indifferent if not a bit detached from my surroundings. She threw me a worried glance as she pulled on her seatbelt and started the car.

"We need to stop by and get your clothes packed before we go return the rental." she blabbered on, nervously.

I kept my gaze on the too green trees as we road to La Push, distracted.

"Have you cleaned the house lastly? Do you have clean clothes? Who an I kidding! Of course you haven't. Of course you don't." she rambled, tapping her fingers on the wheel anxiously.

There was a long pause, the longest since she had come barreling into my hospital room this morning and ran into the nurse muttering apologies.

"Kara, I want you to come stay with me. I know that you're eighteen -God, what two or three week from turning nineteen?- but you can't stay in Washington all by yourself. What if something happened to you? Who on earth would help you?" Her voice was worried and her words tumbled out of her mouth in her haste.

"No. Thank you, but no." My voice was cold, hard and cruel. It was the first thing I had said to her today.

She sighed. "Kara, please, be reasonable."

"I'm not moving." I said simply.

"You don't need to make up your mind right now, just think about it." she pleaded with me.

"I'm not moving." I repeated angrily. Aunt Sheila just nodded.

-

The first plane ride was short and we had a layover in Seattle. My aunt left to get some coffee since she had been running for the last twenty-four hours on no sleep and was in desperate need of caffeine. I wasn't really worried about her, she did this sort of thing sometimes.

While she was gone I was attracting quite the audience. Stares at my hostile body language and frigid glares, flickering glances at my hospital wristband.

It was a group of adolescent boys, too cocky for their own good that had sent my anger over the boiling point of no return.

I tried to ignore as they checked me out and whispered to each other, nudging each other in the ribs with hearty laughs. My jaw clamped shut though, and I scowled.

"What's the matter, princess?" one of them finally had the courage to ask, a smirk on his face. A smirk that reminded me far too much of a cocky smile. I felt bile rise in my throat when I remembered that smile, acid at the back of my throat -burning and tortuous. Glaring at the boy only made him smirk more, enhancing the resemblance.

"Are you sick or something?" he laughed looking pointedly at my wrist.

"Dude, I think she's psycho." one his obnoxious friends laughed.

Something just kind of snapped.

I don't remember standing, or walking over to them. I don't remember the sweet smile I gave to the obnoxious friend.

All I remembered was snapping my left fist back and outward, being satisfied as it made contact. The snapping sound of his nose breaking was just an added bonus.

Or, at least that was what I told security when they tried to detained me. My aunt showed up just in time to tell the security guard on my 'situation'. They let me free with a warning and their condolences.

Like I wanted someone to tell me they were sorry my brother died. Like I wasn't sorry enough.

-

My aunt didn't even try to tell me what I had done was wrong. Because my aunt knew me well enough to know I wouldn't listen. Or care.

Because, truthfully, I didn't. It was simple as that. He called my psycho, and I showed him one. Just a simple footnote on my rather large rap sheet of fights.

Dr. Grey -his name was actually Greystine, but I could never be bothered to say it all- , my therapist, says that I am violent when I am angry because that was how I learned to control my anger when I was a child. Meaning I learned not to control my temper. Or maybe I learned the correct way to slug someone. I don't know. My therapist has always been cryptic. Sometimes though, I was positively sure he was talking out his ass. Which in my opinion, was most of the time.

Aunt Sheila twitched in her seat. It was probably the caffeine, or her fear of heights, or her frustration at my lack of conversation. But for what ever the reason, she just couldn't seem to sit still. Aunt Sheila was always a doer. A never stop, got to get it done kind of woman. So I wasn't surprised when she brought up our conversation from earlier.

"Kara, how do you expect to take care of yourself in Washington?" she asked suddenly, not one to be subtle.

"Drop it, please. I'm not moving." I sent her a harsh glare. She knew that I wasn't past fighting with her on the plane, so she silently fumed, this time clearly frustrated at my behavior. She gave up after a minute and chastised me, clearly at loss of anything else to do.

"I can't believe you hit that boy. No, wait, I can. That's what's bothering me. I expect this from you! Honestly Kara." she whisper yelled. "Your so like your mother."

That struck a nerve and sent my temper flaring like a fire to gasoline. Dangerous. "I am not like her." I hissed from clenched teeth, glaring daggers. My face was livid and the person sitting next to me flinched away quickly as my fists clenched on the arm rests.

"Kara, calm down. I'm sorry." she whispered reaching to put a hand on my arm before deciding that would be a bad idea. Smart of her.

I slumped down in my seat, glaring straight ahead. Perfect representation of angry, antsy, rebellious teenager. Immature of me, I know. But I think, that after yesterday that I could act however I damn well pleased. Back to Old Kara again, I guess. The way I acted before I moved to La Push. Angry, bitchy, sarcastic, rebellious, and messy. Not much had changed, I guess. But back then, I had been always gone to the extreme of all my personality traits. Maybe it was because Jason -I mental winced his name- was gone. Or maybe it was because I was flying back home for his funeral. I shook my head slightly, though not enough to cause anyone to notice. La Push was my home. Not Chicago, not anymore.

When I saw the Sears tower creeping up in my view, from where I was staring out the window, I knew I was back. The feeling was almost… bittersweet, leaving an aftertaste in my mouth I didn't like. It reminded me of Chinese food and cigarettes, alcohol and lakeside, sweaty people on the subway and frigid winters. Things I wasn't sure if I wanted to forget or not.

-

Sammy picked us up at the airport. Sammy was younger than I am, only just turned seventeen. He looked like his mother, though he was too serious for his age, or his own good.

"Kara." he nodded in my direction.

After a long drive being stuck in rush hour traffic we finally made it to my aunt's loft. It was on the North Side and pricey as hell, but after my aunt had divorced her husband she could afford it. Hell she never had to work again, if she did want to, she did though working at a small art gallery.

I dumped my crap and left, not in the mood for family bonding. I wanted a release. I wanted adrenaline and bad decisions. I wanted a distraction, a big one. And Old Kara was used to getting what she wanted.

It was cold in Chicago, snow littering the Windy City like the garbage in it's alleys. Chicago was a dirty city, a dangerous city. A lesser version of New York though not quite as big, nor quite as glamorous. But this was My City. I grew up here, and I knew it like the back of my hand.

Part of me will always be a city girl. But as I walked down the sidewalks and headed to the lakeside, the skyscrapers rising up around me, part of me pined for the lush green forest of La Push.

But, I thought it better to forget that as soon as possible.

-

I met Megan at the lakeside. I heard the clack of her heels on the concrete before I saw her, refusing to turn around and look at her. I kept my eyes on the gray water, no sunshine to reflect on the water and make it a dazzling blue today. Skies overcast, like La Push. Like my life.

She hadn't changed much, her hair was shorter and she had another facial piercing; a lip ring to go with her nose stud.

"What's up, Bitch?" She was smiling, the profanity a endearment from her. There was no spite from her, though there should have been. I had left without telling her. We were friends. Not best friends, like we should have been, but close.

"Did you hear the news?" I asked. She nodded, frowning a little.

"So what do you want to do?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I want to forget about that. I want to forget about…" I hesitated, thinking of Paul. "…everything."

She gave me a wry, devious smile. "I think that can be arranged."

-

Oh, yes. That was arranged.

It was just like old times. Parties, booze, music, and fun. I missed this, I really did.

Salsa music, hot boys, and being shit-faced drunk made for a good time. A really good time.

I'll admit, I was pretty hammered. But, it had the desired affect, I could barely remember my name. I was smiling like nothing in the world could touch me, because nothing in the world could. I was soaring, the only thing keeping me up was the burn at the back of my throat as the tequila stabbed my throat so much I could barely choke it down. Ah, I missed you alcohol, and all the fun -and not so fun- times we've shared.

Little Village. God, I adored it. Just like a adored the boys dancing with me, Latino with amazing accents and drunken smiles who were telling Megan and me that we were the most beautiful girls in the world. And, at the time, we believed them. Because, I was way to drunk to care otherwise.

When we stumbled out of the club at three we were giggling. I knew my feet would be soar in the afternoon, and I would have a wicked hangover, but I didn't care. Everything was glowing, just like… I trialed off and made myself forget.

"I heard what happened with Greg. He's been all bent out of shape about it. Says he loves you." Megan sang while she danced around the sidewalk, her heels in her hands.

"He's a dick. I hate him." I giggled as I stumbled around, swaying lightly under the effects of the alcohol.

"You know what we should do?" she asked stopping on the sidewalk her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"What should we do?" I asked grinning.

"Remember that old YMCA on South Side. It closed down a few days ago." She paused and if anything her smile grew. "They wouldn't have had time to drain the pool yet. Want to go swimming?"

I didn't miss a beat before answering with slurred words. "Hell, yes."

-

One shoeless subway ride later we were in South Side. And we were breaking and entering. Megan was surprisingly good at picking locks when she was drunk. Not that I didn't already know this, since this wasn't the first time I had done something like this.

I was fighting to keep my drunken laughter in, remembering the citizens that might hear us and call the cops. But there was no worry. We stumbled through the door and were hit head on by the intense chlorine scent.

Megan started talking off her clothes as she ran down the hallway stumbling. But I was racing in front of her surprisingly graceful despite my intoxication. She giggled loudly, the sound rioting around the empty rooms and hallways of the empty building.

As soon as I saw the chemical smelling water glittering in the moonlight that filtered in through the windows I launched myself in. It was freezing cold and ice and death and sharp all at the same time. Beautiful because it was exactly what I needed. Brilliant because it was so cold, so unlike Paul. Wonderful because it was so much like Jason would be right now, off of the bypass machine. Dazzling because the cold made everything stand out, sharp in perfect clarity ever through the veil of alcohol.

But the thing I didn't expect from jumping into the freezing water, was how much it would make me miss his warmth.

Oh, well. You win some and you lose some. I smiled and floated on the icy water, content and drunk. Back to being Old Kara.


	18. Chapter 18

**Here is your update. I would have had it up sooner but I'm sick again. I actually had to go to the hospital for blood work and all that jazz. I'm okay, just dizzy spells.  
**

**It's a little short but. Paul's not in the state for lengthy passages on his angst and pain. So this snippet shall do, I think.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review, and (if possible) Enjoy.**

Run

I ran. I ran as fast as I could, for as long as I could. I tried not to think, I tried not to feel. I didn't phase though, because I didn't want to hear the voices in my head telling me I was being stupid. I didn't want them to tell me that I had made a mistake. I knew I had.

When I had imprinted, all I had cared about was her. Then all I had cared about was me getting her, because I am a selfish asshole and I didn't want to settle. I wanted everything. I wanted Kara to be my Emily, I wanted her to be my Kim. Not my Claire, not my Nessie. I had been so selfish. I had wanted the moon and the stars, I had wanted the sun itself. I hadn't wanted to settle for anything less.

But, then, when I had her. I just wanted her to be mine. My Kara, angry, resentful, bitter, passionately angry, cold, sarcastic, cynical. Mine, and no one else's. Kara, and no one else.

Was that really too much to ask for?

Yes. Yes, it was. Because I'm supposed to be whatever she needs me to be. Not whatever I want to be. Simple as that. I had pushed myself on her, made her be with me because I hadn't cared if she wanted me or not. I knew that in time she would love me. Imprinting was two way, right?

Wrong.

I knew I was in over my head, in far too deep. I knew I wouldn't get out of this without drowning. I smashed my feet to the pavement, sprinting through the sheets of rain looking in vain for a release I would never find. Never without her. Never.

So when she had told me to leave, I had listened. Because I couldn't push myself on her, not again. I couldn't sit around and watch her hate me. I couldn't watch her resent me. I might be stronger than most, but I wasn't that strong. I wasn't invincible.

Leaving her had been so hard. The hardest thing I've ever done. Leaving her, broken on the hospital floor… clawed at my heart. Clawed at it like a mother bear claws at a predator attacking her cubs. Unyielding, desperate, torturous, brutal.

I had sprinted as soon as I was out of sight from the hospital. I didn't want her to see how much leaving her hurt me. How much it would kill me.

So I had run, fighting the temptation to go back with every step. I had run and I hadn't stopped since.

A day. A whole day. A whole day knowing, a whole day hurting. A day, and I missed her more than anything. It was so much worse than being turned down by her, day after day. Because, now I knew what I was missing.

It was the never part that made it hard to breath. Knowing that today was the first day that I would never see her. The First Day of Never. I would drop out of school, avoid her, because I loved her and I would leave, and never come back. Just like she had told me.

I dreaded tomorrow. The Second Day of Never. Knowing that this would go on and on. Just like the rain.

How could life really go on without her here? I couldn't seem to understand how the Earth cold keep spinning and that I could keep breathing. I couldn't grasp it.

I wondered, faintly, how much it would hurt to stay away from her. Too much, I knew.

Even now, running through the pouring rain with aching muscles, lungs that wouldn't hold enough air, a stomach that was growling for food, and a heart that was too broken for words, I could still taste salt on my lips from a last kiss that hadn't lasted long enough.

**(A/N: So tell me what you think. Kara and Paul will get together, trust me. And it is sooooooooo worth the wait. Soon. After the funeral, Kara facing her demons, rain, a plane trip, and revalations of the epic sort. Think you can handel that? Just a few more chapters. Like two, or three. You'll survive. No whining or I will stop writing. Swear. You'll thank me in the end, promise.)**


	19. Chapter 19

**Well I have good news and bad news, dear readers. **

**Bad news: I had to get a cat scan and a heart echo and blood work and an EKG, and they (doctor's) still don't know what's wrong with me. Ah, well. It might hinder the speed of my writing since I've had to miss school and then make up my work. But, I'm okay. Thank you all for your concern.  
**

**Good news: I have a new story up, since this one is almost over (three, four, maybe five chapters left. Well see). Some of you might have seen it. _Musings of an invisible girl, a Kim story_. Jared/Kim imprint story.(Obviously) Kim is rather fun in this story, more ballsy I think, though she's still painfully shy.(and invisible, hence title) The link is on my profile if you want to check it out. You should check it out, and then review, tell me what you think. That would be FAN- freaking- TASTIC and I would love you, forever.  
**

**I also might have something in the works for a Edward/Bella story (All human). Might being the key word.(I might miss werewolves and vampires too much while writing it.)  
**

**I'm also thinking about doing a Jacob/Bella friendship one-shot for Nessie's POV.(this will probably happen, I just don't know when I'll have time to sit down and write it so... be on the look out.)  
**

**But enough about that. **

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review, and try and Enjoy.**

Funeral

I stumbled into my aunt's loft around five, exhausted and crashing fast. Every part of my booze soaked brain was begging me to get to bed so that we could pass out for the worst part of my hangover. I was more than willing to comply.

I woke up after eleven hours, disgruntled with the hangover to end all hangovers and my lip so chapped it was bleeding. At first, I thought I was home, back in La Push. I turned over and reached out to find the warmth I so desperately needed, thinking this was all one disastrous nightmare. I cracked open an eye and saw color, something that my room in La Push had a lack of. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself not to be disappointed as I realized it wasn't just a dream.

I groaned miserably and searched with groping hands for my purse and the Holy Grail it contained. Advil.

My head was throbbing painfully, on the verge of exploding. I didn't think my aunt would want to excavate skull shrapnel from the yellow walls. Speaking of yellow walls, they were bight, blinding almost in their mustered color, stabbing my retinas.

"Nugh." I groaned as I gabbed hold of my purse. Thanking baby Jesus that I had passed out on top of it, though it was stabbing my back and making me quite uncomfortable. I pulled it out from underneath me and in doing so, got a mouthful of chlorine-scented hair. I spit it out and fished out the bottle containing my savior. I dry swallowed a few pills, into much pain to care how many before rolling over and burying my face in my pillow to block out the brightness.

Depression seeped into my bones as the Advil took effect. It hurt, like a steel-toed boot to the shin, stinging and bound to leave a mark. A sob escaped me as reality crashed down and I let self-pity wash over me for a few minutes. It was long enough to feel completely shitty without wanting to jump out the tenth story window.

I didn't want to admit it, but I missed him. And after only two days. Pathetic.

The visitation for Jay was today, but I wouldn't go. I was far too hung-over and far too upset for an encounter with mother and father. That little catastrophe could wait until tomorrow.

-

The cemetery was big. Not huge, but big.

The casket was black and piled high with so many flowers that I thought it might break under the weight. The red roses reminded me of blood and the white ones of gauze.

Most people were crying, but some were sobbing hysterically. My mother and my aunt were among the sobbing attendants. I dissected the person who gave birth to be carefully as my father scrutinized me from the opposite side of the casket.

After half the service had passed, I decided that my mother is fresh out of rehab. The signs are clear, like the fact she's clutching a bible and has that healthy glow. A glow that says she's been off the cocaine - or maybe it's a new monster this time. Crank, LSD?- long enough that she's over withdrawals, but short enough that she still believes the therapy and group sessions are going to make a difference. Even though they haven't made a difference the last six or so times she's gone.

Dad is the same as ever. Buzzed but not drunk, at least he has a little respect for his dead son. More respect and he wouldn't have come at all, not after what he had done to Jay. He's holding mom's hand and I can't figure out if he's doing it for show -the more likely culprit- or if there going to marriage consoling again. Though it will never work. I wonder if he's still going to those anger management sessions that the judge ordered or if he just paid off the guy to forge the papers. My money was on the latter.

I was figuring them out because they were familiar. Easy to figure out. Easy puzzles to solve. I did it because it distracted me from why I was really here, sitting on a folding chair in a black dress in a cemetery.

Jason. A tear slips out at the thought of his name. Will this happen every time I think of him?

I sit alone. It's crazy how much that small and insignificant fact hurts. It's scary how cold I am right now, inside and out. The waiting room vision flashes before my eyes and squeeze them shut as two more tears leak out to freeze to my cheek in winters chill. He isn't here, as much as I want him to be. He's back in La Push.

Part of me wishes that I never would have fallen in love with Paul, so that way I wouldn't have to miss him. And the other part is begging -screaming- for me to go find that warmth. That glow.

I won't though, because he's too important to lose the way I lost Jay. I would rather know that he's alive than try to stomach losing him like that. So permanent, like a scared childhood or a drunken first time. Something that you can't erase. I would know.

I brushed away the frozen tears, angry with myself for being this way. For being someone that who people hurt. For being someone that kills the people that I love most.

It's not right. It's not fair.

How did Jason love? How did Jason _know_ how to love? After mom and dad? Two people who never really love each other at all. If they hadn't met in that hole-in-the-wall bar all those years ago, mom high as shit and dad drunk as hell they wouldn't have had that one night stand. Or, at least that's what Aunt Sheila had told my therapist a few years ago. If not for a broken condom, Tara wouldn't have been born. And if she hadn't been born, then my mother and father -two people that loathed each other so much that they lived in opposite ends of a huge house and fixed their schedules so they would never have to interact- wouldn't have gotten married.

It's funny -in a sick and twisted way- that two people with no morals and no sense of right and wrong would get married for the sake of there unborn child. It's ludicrous, really.

My bet was that it had to do with my grandmother, my father's mother -the wrinkled old woman sitting next to my father in a somber black outfit and a matching hat whom I hated- a woman of old money who wouldn't want a bastard child to ruin her good name.

Figures.

Mom was still sobbing, like she really cared about her only son. She might, right now, off the drugs. She was always sappy right out of rehab.

Dad didn't care. He never had.

I was crying, not sobbing. I had done that enough yesterday, crumpled up in my bed.

I could feel myself putting up walls, isolating myself, and I didn't like it. I hated it. I hated it like I hated these people. I hated it like I hated that casket and I hated it like I hated this funeral.

I stood up in the middle of the priests words, startling the people around me, and left. Simple as that. I had paid my respects and said my goodbyes at the hospital.

"Kara." my aunt called after me, but I trudged on through the cemetery. My boots stuck in the mud, caused from melting snow as I made my way away from death passed rows and rows of headstones and statues.

"Bye Blue." I whispered as I made my way out of the gate, my brother's funeral a smudge of black and red behind me.


	20. Chapter 20

**Woo, update! Crazy, yeah, I know. I know you all love the updates.**

**I don't own Twilight**

**Read, Review, and Enjoy!!!**

Realization

I went to Megan's house. She opened the door with two rum bottles and handed me one with an apologetic smile. I thanked her, uncapped it, and threw it back. The alcohol was so strong that I barely choked it back and nearly coughed up a lung afterward. My eyes were watering and I forgot about everything. Because I didn't want to remember anything. Remembering hurt like a knife to the heart.

I took another swig out of the bottle and stepped through the threshold, after that, it's pretty blurry.

There was a party, more drinking, music, more drinking, laughing, more drinking, and boys. That's about the most of it. If you think that's scary, you haven't seen anything yet.

After I finished my first bottle everything just goes blank, and I can't remember what the hell happened. No recollection whatsoever. That's scary. And I swear that I will never drink that much again.

Mostly because I sobered up while kissing someone. His lips were warm and I thought it was Paul, until my hands caught in long hair. It took a second for it to sit in that it was, in fact, not Paul. Then I realized how wrong it felt. How disgustingly wrong. I jumped back so fast I must have given the guy whiplash, but all I could think of was how wrong it was.

I remember feeling nauseous, though that could have been the alcohol. On the other hand, it could have been that my eyes landed on a pale face, with pale eyes and light hair. So completely, opposite that, my stomach heaved and I ran from the room, stumbling in my intoxication. I felt so wrong.

I stumbled through Megan's apartment, stepping over passed out bodies and past people making out. I wanted out. If I didn't get out, I was going to vomit.

When I got outside it was cold, and the cold air it me so hard. Like a wrecking ball.

I cried. I cried because it shouldn't be so hard. I should feel so sick without him. It isn't right, it isn't normal. I also cried because am an emotional drunk and when I'm not having fun, everything tends to hit me like a brick wall. So, I sobbed on Megan's stoop hysterically.

It was the kind of crying when your entire body shakes and you're gasping for breath. It was the kind of crying I used to do late at night, alone in my bed, with no one to witness it. Not sitting on a stoop at dawn, drunk as hell, next to someone who's smoking a clove cigarette.

It's Greg, of course, because I have the shittiest luck in the world.

"Kara, what's wrong?" he asked.

I threw him a death glare, though it probably wasn't as impressive as it usually is due to the sounds I'm making while crying- whimpering almost.

"Listen Kara, I'm sorry. I know that you might not believe that and that I don't deserve you to forgive me. I was drunk and I don't have an excuse-"

"Leave me alone," my voice warbled and it took about a minute to say, since I couldn't get enough air in my lungs to actually speak.

"Why are you crying?"

When I'm drunk, I'm honest. I don't know why. So I said, "Because, I'm stupid. Because, I made a mistake. Because, it ridiculous. Because, I miss him." Normally someone wouldn't understand me since every few words was punctuated with a loud sob or a shaky breath, but Greg was fluent in drunk and in sobbing girls, so he got the idea. He also figured out who I was talking about.

"The guy that nearly killed me?" he asked, and I noticed a very purple bruise across half of his face. A broken piece of my heart cracked a little at the sight, not because I cared about Greg -though I did-but because Paul had done that for me. He had protected me, he had saved me. What had I done for him? Nothing, that's what.

I am a horrible person, really.

I must have nodded in response, because I burst into another round of sobs. My chest ached and I missed him. Missed him like the world. Missed him like I missed Jason. Missed him like Juliet missed Romeo when he was banished.

My life was a tragedy and Paul was the only good thing that had ever happened to me. Paige had slept with my brother, Greg had slept with me, and moving to La Push had killed Jay. They had all seemed good at the time, but turned disastrous. Paul hadn't.

Why hadn't he turned out like the rest?

Because he cared. He cared so much about me, no strings attached. He cared about me as I was. And I don't know why he cared so much, but I needed that again. I needed someone to care the way he had.

Scratch that.

I needed Paul. No substitutions. Not someone who care the way he had, or how much he had. I needed Paul, and no one else.

If I could have him with no strings attached with no fear, I would be the happiest girl in the world. However, for being such a small word, 'if' was a loaded word.

When my sobs subsided, a good ten minutes Greg said, "You love him." His voice was sad as he said it, almost as if he hoped it wasn't true.

"Yes." I sniffed staring out across Chicago at sunrise. It was beautiful, but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted green, and trees, and rain, and russet skin, and a cocky smile, and angry shaking hands, and overcast. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go to Paul, because Paul was home.

The realization hit me just as the sunrays peaked over the landscape, washing everything with light and washing me with hope. The hope cut deep and wrapped itself around my heart, and everything in me swelled with that hope.

Everything in me was lifted with that light, only to be slammed down a moment later.

"He probably hates me." I leaned against the rusty railing for support, almost as if the words were going to crush me. Because -despite the fact that they were just words- they were going to crush me, especially if they were true.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kara. He loves you." He said before pointing to his face, "Exhibit A."

I shook my head. "No. Not after what I did."

Greg sighed. "What did you do?"

"I told him to leave." I sniffed and shivered. Greg shrugged off his coat and handed it to me. I glared at it, as if touching it would burn me.

"He still loves you." He said confidently.

"No." I said stubbornly.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes, Kara, yes." he said in a tone that ended the bickering. "Trust me," he glanced at me. "You could kill everything he loves, sleep with everyone in sight, and rip his heart out and he would still love you."

I was curious. "How do you know that?" my voice was disbelieving.

"I could see it when he looked at you." he chuckled without humor. "And, Kara, if I'm wrong, which I know I'm not, know that I'll be here waiting for you. I love you."

My teeth clamped together audibly.

"I know you don't feel the same way, and I know you won't pick me. But, I just wanted you to know that. I wanted you know that someone cares." And with that, he stood up and left, leaving me with a heavy decision at my feet.

Do I go against my instincts -that are screaming that we've been down this path before, and it always ends in pain- or to I take that slim chance? Do I stay in Chicago or go back to La Push?

-

I was sitting on the plane, determined. I was anxious, fidgeting now that my decision had been made and all that was left to do was wait.

I was going back to La Push, back to Paul, even if I had to crawl and grovel.

So, I sat twitching on the plane wondering what the hell I was going to do, wondering what I was going to say. I hadn't really thought about it when I had grabbed a cab to my aunt's and got my crap before hauling ass to the airport. Thankfully, I had the sense to leave my aunt a note telling her I went home. I didn't want to think about how worried she would be when I didn't show up tonight, or tomorrow night.

The sun was shining in threw my window, blinding me and my half-hangover. I slumped back in my seat and tried to sleep.

-

The cab ride from Seattle to La Push was long. Very, very long. The entire time my nails were digging into the leather seat, from lack of sleep or anticipation I didn't know, but I would say it was a combination of both. My stomach was in knots -nervous knots-, my instincts were still screaming -it was easier to ignore them-, and my heart was both singing and crying -because he was so close, and yet still so far away.

-

The cab took off with my fare, tires splashing through the puddles, leaving me on my sidewalk. I quickly dumped my luggage inside before grabbing my keys and realizing that my car was in the Fork's hospital parking lot.

"Goddamn it!" I cursed before talking off on foot. I sloshed my way through the endless rain.

Walking wasn't fast enough, and soon I was jogging towards Paul's house thinking that surly he was there.

-

He wasn't.

I knocked on the door and an older woman answered the door. It was easy to see Paul in her features and for a second I was shocked at how much alike they looked. The resemblance in their smiles was perfect and it made my chest constrict a little to see it. She had to be his mother.

"Is- is Paul home?" I asked wringing my hands. I was nervous in front of her; she had a presence that you couldn't deny. A strong woman, all angles and sharp eyes.

She reminded me of someone, but before I could remember who she frowned.

"No. He hasn't come home in days." she sighed. My gut twisted with guilt; somehow, I knew it was my fault.

"Come in dear." She offered, surprising me. "It's freezing out there."

Without thinking, I stepped -as she stepped aside- into the warm and cozy house.

"You must be Kara." Mrs. Walker babbled. I opened my mouth to ask how she knew my name, but the answer was out before I had the chance to ask.

"Paul talks about you all the time dear." she smiled again. "It's 'Kara this' and 'Kara that' with him."

"Oh"

"Here, honey, you're as cold as a popsicle, take this." she draped a blanket over my shoulders and headed off into the kitchen and I had no choice but to follow her. I found it a little awkward being in her house, and knowing nothing about her.

"Would you like tea or coffee, dear?" she asked.

"Uh, coffee, please." I said, because I didn't think I had the option to decline. It was then that I realized exactly who she reminded me of.

Grandma.

I was genuinely surprised I hadn't seen it sooner. Mrs. Walker was so warm, so motherly.

"Make yourself at home, Kara." she smile and gestured at the small kitchen table. I sat, obediently and accepted the cup of coffee with a 'thank you'.

"Cream? Sugar?" she asked.

"No, thank you."

She poured herself a glass as I warmed my hands around my mug. She sat down across from me and then the flood of words came.

"I'm so glad you came into Paul's life, dear." she smiled brightly at me, as if I were a godsend.

"I was so worried about him after his father left. I wasn't the best mother to him. Always drowning myself in booze," she sighed. "It was a bad time and I'm surprised child services didn't take my baby away."

"Then he started getting into all those fights and I didn't know what to do. Then it was the girls." she looks at me earnestly. "I couldn't stop him, I didn't know how to stop him."

"What's a mother to do?" bit her lip. "But then, one day he comes home from school with the biggest smile on his face. One I haven't seen in years and he told me he had met a girl at school that day." she smiled at me.

"'She's a very special girl, mom.' he said. 'She's a really special girl.'" Mrs. Walker laughed quietly remembering, and I was caught up in the story. "I had asked him what had happened and he had been happy to tell me everything that had happened that day."

"Really?" I asked remembering what I had told Paul that first day and how much I wouldn't want Mrs. Walker to know that I had said that. Because, I really liked Paul's mom, a woman who was so much like my grandmother had been.

She laughed loudly. "Oh, honey, I don't blame you for setting my son straight."

I blushed.

"I knew that that was the day that my son had met his match. A person smart enough not to take any of his shit and sarcastic enough to do it in style."

I smiled a full-blown grin. Then I remembered why I was here and it slipped away.

There was a small silence.

"I'm glad you came, Kara." Mrs. Walker said. "He loves you."

"Not anymore." I mumbled.

"Jared told me that you two had a fight."

I shook my head. "I made a mistake."

"We all make mistakes," she said with a wave of her hand.

There was another silence as I buried my face in my hands, elbows on the table.

"You love him."

I nodded into my hands.

"Well then, we'll fix this." she stood up briskly, the legs of the chair dragging across the linoleum floor. I glanced up to see her reach the phone and dial a number.

"Hello Kim… I'm great, thank you for asking. How are you…? That's great, sweetheart….We'll yes, I was wondering if Jared could do me a favor and sent Paul home for me?…. I know….Well, I have someone sitting at my kitchen table that he might want to see….Yes….Oh, thank you, dear…Yep, and I'll talk to you later. Bye."

She turned to me and smiled at me encouragingly. "I'd give Jared a half an hour to drag my stubborn son home."

(A/N: Paul will be back in the next chapter. I love his mom, don't you? Please review, no whining becuase PAUL is coming back!!!)


	21. Chapter 21

**Update! Woo we're getting close to the end. Sad, I know. **

**Paul's back this chapter. **

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review, and Enjoy!!**

Imprint?

Mrs. Walker kept walking about her house, anxiously. Doing laundry, folding clothes, cleaning dishes, anything to keep herself busy. I offered to help but she politely declined. My stomach was in knots - or something very similar to knots- like those string loops that little kids twist into Eiffel Towers at recess. The fingers on my good hand tapped nervously on my leg, refusing to stay still. I was shivering in the blanket that Paul's mom had given me when I had first shown up because I was still wearing the dress from the funeral and my combat boots.

I crossed and uncrossed my arms, fingers going back to tapping. I pleaded with the clock, imploring it with my constant gaze. It reminded me eerily of the waiting room.

Twenty-seven minutes, thirty-four seconds since Mrs. Walker had called Jared -or, I guess, Kim.

I heard cussing. Very loud cussing, coming from outside. The voice was familiar, but not the one I wanted.

"Paul! Could you stop being such a fucking idiot for just a minute? I know it's hard for you, but at least try!" Jared yelled.

"Oww! Fuck! That hurt!" someone else yelled. I recognized that voice instantly and my heart caught in my throat.

I was instantly out of my seat- blanket abandoned on the chair- and running toward the door.

"I wouldn't have had to hit you if you-"

I tore open the front door and Jared stopped mid-sentence, staring at me from behind Paul -who had his back to me.

"Don't be such a dick, Jared! Your imprint didn't tell you to leave! I have a right to be miserable if I so damn well please!" Paul shook, his words showing his absolute fury. He was almost blurring he was shaking so much. I never thought a person could shake that much.

Jared was making -not so subtle- 'stop' motions with his hand across his throat, his gaze locked with my confused face.

"Imprint?" I asked, my voice coming out horse. The word sounded familiar and my memory nagged in annoyance because it was on the tip of my tongue.

Paul froze -stiff as a board- instantaneously, almost unnaturally so. Then he slowly -so slowly- turned to look at me.

"Uh, it's a… joke." Jared tried awkwardly; it was easy to tell he was lying. "Right, Paul?"

Paul wasn't paying any attention to his best friend, he was staring at me. The second our eyes met -his deep, deep chocolate and mine a mix between blue and brown- I knew. When our eyes met, I remembered.

My grandfather used to tell me all kinds of legends about our tribe when I was little, before he passed away. They were legends about spirit warriors, werewolves, and vampires. Bedtime stories about how wolves -our ancestors- fell in love.

Grandpa had said it was an all-consuming love, one that happened the moment the wolf saw the one person he was destined to love for forever. It was the kind of love that people die for, or at least, that was what Grandpa had always told me. Imprinting.

Realization dawned on my face, my knees stopped working, and my butt hit the wet top step of Paul's porch with a thump. My eyes never left his.

"So I take it that you've heard the legends?" Jared asked causally, rubbing the back of his head- the only sign that he was nervous.

My head was spinning, reeling. It shouldn't make sense, but it did. My mind returned to wolves and I remembered my constant dreams and the flash of fur in the wood -bigger than a bear and moving much too fast- on my way to the cemetery. How he got around my car so fast after detention that day.

I was breathing heavily and my eyes were filling with tears.

What was going on with the world!

As if my life wasn't crazy enough, let's throw in werewolves!

"You're…." I trailed off. He hadn't said a word. I needed him to say something, anything.

And despite the fact that I was so fucking scared -so freaked out-, I still loved him. I still wanted to be with him.

"I'm sorry," he finally said quietly before turning and walking towards the forest. I took a second before my brain caught up with my brain and I realized that I was jogging -his legs were much longer than mine were, it was the only way I had a hope of catching up- after him.

"Paul, wait!" I yelled as he disappeared into the trees. "Paul, please wait!" I was crying now, great. When I reached the woods, he was standing there, waiting.

He was just standing there, staring at me again.

"I'm so sorry, Paul." I whispered, looking up at him standing a few feet away. "I didn't mean what I said. It's just…"

I really didn't know what to say to the fact that he was a wolf in his spare time, so I started with what I had said at the hospital. It seemed like the most reasonable thing.

His face contorted in anger and he balled up a fist only to slam it against the tree next to him, sending bark flying off. I flinched back, confused at his reaction and by his strength.

"What are you doing, Kara?" he yelled.

"I'm apologizing, genius." the sarcastic remark slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"I get that, but why?"

I shifted uncomfortably "Well, because I-I… missed you, okay, and because I really didn't mean it. I just…" I trailed off.

"You just what, Kara?" he asked coming closer. I looked away from his face and toward the mangled roots of the tree next to him.

"Kara…"

"I just didn't want you to turn out like Jason, okay?" I yelled looking at him.

"So you really have no problem with me being a werewolf? You're not scared?" He asked taking another step near me- hesitantly- as if he thinks I'm going to run away.

"I'm scared to death, and I'm not sure if it's real… but I don't care." I stared straight up at him, he's standing so close that I can reach out and hug him -hold him. I don't, not because I don't want to -because I do- but because I want him to. I want him to hold me, tell me he loves me again, I'll tell him that I love him, and we'll live happily ever after like a fairy tale. A fairly tale in which the broken girl falls madly in love with the angry werewolf. I want that fairy tale.

I've never wanted anything so much in my entire life.

I'm still crying silent tears and I can feel the heat that reradiates off of him because he's so goddamn close.

But he's not close enough.

He grabs my arm and suddenly he's moving, pulling me after him.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I followed him.

"I'm going to show you. Then you can decided if you don't care." his voice was odd… almost as if he wanted me not to care, but that's not what he was saying.

"Show me?"

He nodded.

-

We walked for what seemed like forever and it was dark by the time we reached the small clearing. He's so quite and he hasn't said much. I want an explanation, anything. Maybe a 'Hey, Kara, I don't hate you. I forgive you.' would be nice. But no, he's being quite and angry, only one of which is very Paul-like.

"Paul, say something." I was angry because he wasn't talking, so my tone came out sharper than I intended.

"What do you want me to say?" he shook.

"I want you to say what you _want_ to say!" I yelled. There was an awkward pause as he shook his head. Then, he changed the subject.

"I won't chase after you, if you run. I won't hurt you Kara." he backed away and his arms shook. When he was on the other side of the small clearing, he exploded. In a flash of fur his clothes were in shreds and I gasped. taking a small step back. I just stared at him and tried to regain my composer because this was probably the most terrifying moment of my life.

He was the silver wolf from my dreams. Correction: He _is_ the silver wolf.

Paul as a wolf was HUGE, horse sized really. I just tried to stay as still as possible and he stayed on the other side of the clearing almost like he was sensing my fear. Can wolves sense fear? I bet they can.

After a minute though, when the initial shock had worn off, he started to come towards me, fur shining in the moonlit overcast. It reminded me of a predator stalking it's pray, the way he moved. Wolf Paul kept his head lowered, eyes never leaving mine. Perhaps it was to make himself seem less terrifying, or maybe less intimidating. He stopped about three feet or so from me, close enough that I could see that his eyes were perfectly human.

Perfectly human and intelligent, not wild and untamed like I had almost expected.

My arm started moving outward before my brain caught up with the action; much like when I had ran after him earlier. My fingers laced into silver fur -softer than I imagined, it looked so coarse- and I took the final step between us.

It was all so surreal, so dream-like that I wasn't sure if it was real.

Until Paul shimmered back into reality, back into a human. My hand was still on his shoulder and he wove his hand into my hair, much like how I had wove my hand into his fur. He closed that distance between us, those few inches until his lips met mine in a searing kiss. Fierce in a way that made me breathless and tender in a way that made my heart swell up full of happiness, almost as if was going to explode. My hands wound back into his short hair.

Everything was perfect, everything was glowing. How had I tried to give this up? The idea seems so impossible now.

"Kara… um… I'm.." Paul whispered against my lips and then I remembered how his clothes had shredded when he had exploded. I blushed and covered my eyes, taking a step away from him. I heard him laugh.

There was a rustling, the sound of cardboard scraping against itself, and the sound of fabric moving. The compulsion to see what was making the sounds almost made me open my eyes.

A warm hand pulled my hand from over my eyes.

"I missed you too, Kara." he said and I remembered what I had said back at the edge of the forest.

"So what does this whole imprint thing mean?" I asked.

"It means I'll be whatever you need me to be. I'll be your friend, your protector, your brother…" he paused. "… whatever you want me to be."

"Oh." I sounded disappointed. "What do you want to be?"

He paused for a moment. "I want to be what you want me to be."

"Don't lie." my mouth twisted into a scowl.

"Who says I'm lying?"

"I do."

"What do you want me to be, Kara?" his voice was low.

I bit the inside of my cheek before decided how I was going to tell him. I decided I wasn't going to tell him. I was going to show him. I crushed my lips to his and wound my arms around his neck. His shock was evident be he recovered quickly. I sucked on his bottom lip until I heard him moan, his hands sliding over my lower back, pulling me closer. I tilted my head so the kissing stopped and I could tease him about not seeing this without leaving the comfort of his arms. How many times had we kissed? Shouldn't it be obvious by now?

"Are you really that oblivious, dumb-ass?" I smirked, our foreheads pressed together, eyes closed.

"Girls tend to be really complicated and you are no exception. Hell, you just might be _the_ most complicated girl in the _world._" Our words mingled together between us, warm against my face, and I had never felt better.

I slowly opened my eyes, saw him open his, and then I whispered. "I love you, Paul."

**(A/N: I love clifhangers, I really do. Tell me what you think. My favorite line was: "Paul! Could you stop being such a fucking idiot for just a minute? I know it's hard for you, but at least try!" Jared yelled. I talk like this all the time! Go Jared! Tell me your favorite line in a review. Any chapter, just for kicks!)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Finally an update. I know what's wrong with me now -health wise. It's really long and complicated, I don't really want to go in to it. **

**Only one more chapter after this. I'm really sad to see it end, actually. FYI, I won't be updating _Musings of an invisible girl, a Kim story_ until this is done and I'm all caught up on homework and shit. (Can you tell I'm on meds right now? My meds make me cranky, though i doubt that's a side effect.) So yeah.**

**This has a sex scene in it. It is NOT graphic in the least. It's not even described really. (there is a reason behind it. read and find out) Kara's past history comes out too, and boy, is she fucked up. This is from Paul's POV. I'm not writing her telling him from her POV because that is far too angsty for me. (and I do know my angst) Don't even bother asking.**

**This is a long authors note.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Read, Review, and as always, Enjoy.**

Broken

"_I love you, Paul"_

I really didn't have any idea how to react. So, I just kissed her. I kissed her like she was water and I was a man who had been in the desert for days. I kissed her like a man kisses his lover between the sheets. I kissed her like I wanted to kiss her.

Tongue and lips and teeth and _damn I had never felt like this_. Well, technically, I had felt this, this attraction -this, uh, passion- but I had never felt like four words could send me this high. It was like I was touching the stars, the moon, and the sun itself.

I never knew four words could make me the happiest man in the world. But, somehow, by the pure grace of all that is good, they could. Somehow they did.

It was beautiful, she was beautiful.

Her hands wrapped around my shoulders pulling me closer to her, but I barely felt it. I was so lost in this feeling. I was so lost in _her_.

"Kara." I groaned against her lips because there wasn't much else to say. Except for the blatantly obvious that needed to be repeated. "I love you more."

I could feel her smile in our kiss. Making this, by far, the happiest moment of my entire life. Well… so far.

She groaned against our kiss and after that… well, it all happened pretty quickly.

Hands roamed and soon we were moving through the trees, stumbling and kissing all the way toward her house. Her kisses were desperate, pleading. My kisses were hungry, wanting.

She needed comfort like I needed her.

It was dark and she kept stumbling on stray roots, eventually she wrapped her legs around my waist. We both realized where this was headed. Both of us did nothing to stop it.

Somehow, we both needed this.

I needed to feel her, to know that she was there. I needed to know that this wasn't a dream. I needed to know how she loved me. I needed the connection.

I think she needed the comfort. I think she needed to know that I wasn't going anywhere. I think she needed to be loved.

I think we both needed to be loved.

-

I don't think I could make it to her house. Kara was so overwhelming and well…. I hadn't had sex in awhile -like a whole year. What can I say? I'm a guy -not to mention a werewolf- and Kara -is my imprint, my world- is nothing if not beautiful.

I needed her. I need her like Adam needed Eve. She was my missing piece, my soul-mate, my everything. I needed her, simple as that.

They -and don't ask me who they are, because I don't know- say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, I guess it's true. You don't know what you have until it's gone. Damn, I'd missed her. Missed her anger, her sarcasm, her bitterness, her eyes, her insults, her kisses. I'd missed everything

-

She was beautiful, more beautiful that I could have imagined. She smiled at me, a full blown, none stop, no limits smile. It was a smile that I had only seen once, on our first date when she was higher than the clouds. It was a smile that I wanted to see a hundred-thousand times. She pulled me through the threshold and I shut the door behind me as she brought me toward her -roughly- for another kiss. She was on her feet again and totally in control. She was the ring master and I was just a clown groveling at her feet. I was a fool madly in love. A fool who wouldn't have it any other way.

She pulled me back towards her room and for the first time I was unsure. Was it too soon? I was about to pull away and protest when she nipped my bottom lip. I couldn't do anything but follow her after that, all the way across the living room and into her room.

-

I had never touched a girl like I could touch her. Tenderly, lovingly, like she was the most beautiful and breakable thing in the world. And, she was, she is.

I got lost in sighs and moans; in a world so perfect that I wanted to let it go on forever. Her skin tasted like rain and sunshine. Her eyes blazed and shone so brown that -for a moment- I thought that they would never change. I never wanted them to.

I remembered everything -every detail of her, every breath, and every groan.

-

Kara smiled her no limits smile and looked up at me from where her head was laying on my stomach. She sighed contented, I chuckled, and she smacked me on my arm, still smiling.

"You know you're really beautiful when you smile like that." I played with her hair as I spoke, because I could.

Her smile faltered and she whispered against my skin, "Jay used to say that."

"I wish I could have met him."

"I don't think he would have liked you. He was always so overprotective. After all, I was his baby sister." her lips held the ghost of a smile, her expression was wistful, and her eyes held skeletons as she spoke.

"He sounds like a great guy, a good brother"

"He was a saint, everything I'm not." She frowned.

"Don't sell yourself short, Kara. You're pretty amazing." I chuckled as she rolled her eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself, Fido." she smiled again and I smiled back at her feeling so amazing. Everything felt so right that it was hard to believe that I had completely miserable this morning. It felt so impossible.

Her face grew somber then and panic sprang to my heart. She bit her lip and looked away from me. My stomach clenched as I waited for the worst. I should have knew better.

"Remember when you asked me why I moved to La Push?" she asked, her voice distant and I knew what was happening. Kara was finally going to tell me why she was so broken.

"Yeah, I remember." I nodded even though she wasn't looking at me.

"I moved here because my grandmother died." she whispered. I nodded and she continued. "I was so upset, because I loved her so much that I started drinking -which was really stupid considering my father. I thought that I could drown everything in alcohol, every bad memory and every smile. It worked… for a while. I should have just gone back on my anti-depressant but I was too stubborn and too scared that I would swallow too many again."

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"I got so drunk, totally shit-faced. Booze and me don't really mix well because when I'm drunk I'll do or say anything." she swallowed an imaginary lump in her throat. My stomach twisted, seeing where this was headed. "Greg was there and well… I really didn't stop him. I wasn't thinking."

Bile rose in my throat and I thought of when my fist had collided with Greg's face wishing I could get to him again, make him suffer.

"It was my fault, really. I shouldn't have been drinking. Jay had told me not to go out that night, but I hadn't listened. I knew what happened when I drank and I still went."

'It's not-"

"Yes it is. My father is an alcoholic for Christ's sake I knew better." she snapped and I shut my mouth remembering what she had told me days ago it felt like years. _'Your dad makes my dad look like the patron saint of bars and taverns.'_

"For me that was like snorting cocaine." she paused and when she spoke her voice sounded like… nothing. "My mother is a drug addict. Crystal Meth, cocaine, crack, LSD it doesn't matter, she'll try it." it could sense that she was on a roll now and there was no stopping the flood. "She's been in and out of rehab countless times."

Another pause. "She never loved me. She loved Tara -my sister- but never me. Dad didn't love any of us, I've never even heard him say the word love. Hell, I only saw him sober a few times." she winced and squeezed her eyes shut, as if she was trying to block out the memories. I knew that feeling, like no matter how many times you try to forget you know you never will.

"They don't even love each other, you know. The only reason they got married is because of a broken condom. Who would have known that Tara Green was a bastard child? No one if Grandma Green had anything to do with it."

"Tara was an accident. Jason and I were a mistake." she was quiet and I finally had to ask.

"Do you love your sister?" Her tone made me wonder.

"I did." she swallowed an invisible lump again.

"What happened?"

Her hand went to the scar above her ear, the one I had felt in the waiting room.

"It was her sixteenth birthday and she had just got her license." Kara's eyes were distant, remembering. "She was so excited to drive that she offered to take us -me and Jason- to the YMCA for kick-boxing lessons." she squeezed her eyes shut. "A drunk driver swerved into our lane halfway there. Tara could have let it hit us dead on, if she would have she might have lived, but I think that she didn't want to risk our lives. She had snapped the wheel to the right and the car had collided with the driver's door. The paramedics said she died on impact."

"Mom blamed me and Dad blamed Jason. God only knows why since I was sitting in the front seat."

I had to ask, because she had asked me when I had told her about my dad. "How old were you?"

"Ten." her voice shook, and so did she.

I scooped her up from where she was lying and brought her next to me, held her against my side tight.

"Mom didn't talk to me for two years. Two years. I had to go to a therapist and go on anti-depressants." her voice got really quiet. "Dad used to beat Jason when he was sober. He used to beat him until he passed out. I couldn't stop him, I tried once and he had threw me across the room. I left a dent in the wall."

"Grandma, Tara, and Jason were the only people that I had. They were the only ones who cared." she was crying now against my shoulder and I wished that I could do something, anything. Her pain hurt so much. Nothing could hurt like her pain, it was so sharp, so deep.

"They all died, because of me. I loved them, so they died." she looked at me for the first time since she had bit her lip. "I don't want you to die, Paul."

"I won't, I promise." I wiped her tears away, it was the only thing I could do.

**(A/N: Last chapter up next. Stay tuned.)**


	23. Chapter 23

**This is the end, it's been a fun ride. If you're looking for something else to read, try my other stories.**

**I don't own Twilight**

**Read, Review, and Enjoy.**

Epilogue

I tapped my pencil on the table and sighed quietly. I hated working up front, I would much rather be working in the back on the Camry that had come in today. I jotted down an appointment on the calendar. These days were always the longest.

The bell above the door rang and my gaze snapped up to see a blond teenager walk through the door a determined expression of her face.

"Quil isn't here, Claire." I mumbled.

"I know." she said and gazed at me levelly. My mind remembered the conversation I had with Emily a few days ago.

"Aw, shit." I hissed under my breath and I heard Nessie giggle from in the garage where she was no doubt watching Jacob work on the old Chevy that had come in the day before. "I can't tell you, Claire. I'm sorry."

Anger flared across the girls features. "Why not? Why can't I know?" She scowled, righteous indignation in her words.

"It's not my place to tell you." It wasn't.

"Kara, please." she pleaded ignoring my suggestion. I tapped my pen on my desk again. The conversation was getting on my nerves, but at least it was a distraction.

"Why don't you just ask Quil?" I sighed.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" she pulled at her hair in frustration. I felt sorry for her, I really did, so I threw her a bone.

"Now that is what you should be asking yourself." I gave her a half smile and resumed working on the books. Claire stood there for a few moments as that sunk in.

"Thank you, Kara." she nodded vaguely before she left still lost in thought.

When she was gone an annoyance walked out of the garage. "You shouldn't have told her that."

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do." I snapped, glaring at the offending werewolf.

"Claire's a smart girl and…"

"Yeah, Embry, she's _so _going to guess werewolf first." I nodded sarcastically.

"Whatever." he sighed.

"I made a list of parts you need to pick up." I handed him the list and he looked it over.

"I'll get these tomorrow." she muttered, pocketing the list.

"Sure, sure." I muttered, waving a hand. This was probably the effect of spending to much time around Jake.

He plopped down in one of the spare chairs and propped his feet up on my desk.

"And they still wonder why you haven't imprinted." I gestured my head toward his feet with a raised eyebrow.

"Ha, ha. Very funny, Kara." he leaned back.

"Shouldn't you be working on the station wagon?" I asked. "I finished already."

I glanced at the clock because I wanted to go home, despite how fascinating this conversation was.

"Aw, Kara misses Paul." Embry teased. I grabbed my spare wrench off the table and smacked it across his knuckles because I had learned a long time ago that it was one of the only way to hurt a werewolf.

"Ow!" he yelped and I smirked, satisfied.

"I was going to offer to cover your shift, since I was done, but now I'm not going to." he mumbled nursing his knuckles.

It still shocked me when they were nice. It still shocked me when they treated me like the family I never had.

"Sure, Embry, sure you were." I twirled my pencil through my fingers.

"Just go, Kara." I sighed, shooing me out of my chair.

"I can't wait for the day you imprint." I smiled at him and tugged on my jacket. Embry really deserved to imprint. He nodded with a small frown on his face that said he thought that was never going to happen.

"See you tomorrow." I said before heading out the front door. I slipped in my car and headed home.

The house still looked the same, except for the rusty red car in the driveway. I pulled in next to it and hustled out of my car, eager to see Paul.

"Idiot, I'm home!" I called as I pulled open the front door, only to be attacked. Me feet were off the ground and Paul laughed his smile creasing his face in laugh lines. God, I loved that face.

"I can see that." He chuckled tossing me over his shoulder as he's done far too many times.

"You know I hate this." I muttered as he moved across the room, his arm around my legs, my elbows bumping into his back as he walked.

"I know that you pretend to hate this." I could hear the smile in his voice. And he was right, I did pretend to hate this.

I think that maybe I always pretend to hate this. I think I only pretended to hate him.

But, what can I say? He perfect. He puts up with my mood swings, my shit. I don't know what I do without him.

"So Mrs. Walker, what do you want to do tonight?" Paul asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

I couldn't help but smile, because I finally understood everything. I knew why I had lost everyone I had loved -so I could love him the way I did, no stops, no limits.

Some said there was a fine line between love and hate. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that it could ever be this good. Never did I ever think I would fall in love with Paul Walker.

But, sometimes it's the things you think will never happen that are the best.

"I want you to put me down." annoyance coated my words but I was still smiling.

He chuckled but complied and I kissed him.

It was a fairy tale, the kind that I used to tell Claire when I was over at Emily's, back when she was little and begged for stories. It was a fairy tale about a broken girl who falls in love with an angry werewolf.

In the story they always live happily ever after.


End file.
